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Rebuilding your Self-Esteem

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Pete, I also apologize alot and don't know if it's related to the depression, but it is related to self-esteem issues. However, I think it is important for someone to point out to me when I apologize unnecessarily. I think awareness is control and being aware of it, helps some - it's not a fix, but it is an awakening of sorts.

That's all we can do is try to practice what we preach. I ain't doing so good with that right now, but as Diva, another girl on here sometimes says, this too shall pass. However, let's keep on working at it. We'll get there.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Goofy:

I apologise a lot. I think people with depression have a tendency to do that. Well, I do anyway.

On the paradigm shift, I am trying to practise what I preach, and appreciate the small things, small successes. Trying anyway.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Pete, I really don't know what you are apologizing for nor do I see a statement that could be misconstrued.

I appreciate your expressing your admiration at my honesty. Honesty is an important value in my life. (my being honest, others being honest).

I've missed our paradigm shift exchange, had any paradigm shifts lately?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Goofy:

Sorry for my remark. I was just seizing another opportunity to exercise my major talent - belittling myself.

I really just meant to show my admiration for your sharing your history so honestly.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Hello all,

I apologize if I am posting on a wrong discussion topic. But I'd like to share my experience with everyone regarding self esteem and depression. What I experience is that when I am on depression, my self esteem was extremelly low along with everything else, but when I get better (with meds) I feel fine and very self confident (like I don't need therapy or doing any program, I was able to a lot of problem/obstacle in life). So I feel that I am very dependent on taking the right meds. I was on Zoloft for three years but started gained weight, so I am trying other options. I had tried Sam-e (didn't work), Wellbutrin (hated it), and accupuncture (didn't really helped), so now I am trying Pristiq (seems to work pretty good except of slight dizziness sometimes, and sleepiness). I'm on Pristiq on week 3 now so we'll see. When Zoloft was working, I was really "on top of the world" feeling, like nothing can really bring me down. I am so happy and so confident of my life, it feels so great. I like to be back to that person again, so I'm hopeful.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

mmgsc, in your first post on here, you ask how you get the energy back. I think everyone is different in their recovery from depression. I was willing to try anything at one point to get something of who I was before back. I think exercise was very helpful and this place. There are other things as well, but both those things fueled a little light down in side.

Rebbie, I think you made an excellent post regarding everyone's situations. I wasn't trying to minimize Pete's or anyone else's situation. We are all unique and are problems/ issues are specific to us and each persons problems are just as important as the next ones. . Just because my situation was as it is, doesn't make it worse than anyone elses. It's just thats my story re: my depression. I am sooo glad you pointed that out.

I tried to use my post as an example of how those negative feelings and behaviors were not there predepression, were there during the depression and wax and wane currently in my recovery. Maybe if I'd just said it that way it wouldn't have been misinterpreted.

Pete, please keep posting and don't compare situations - let's just focus on getting from where we are to where we are going.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Three of my four children live out of state. One of my sons out there lived through the initial crash. He is very perceptive and can tell just by how I answer the phone if I am having a good day or bad. But he is in school, and was only 16 when this started, so he never really understood. My oldest has never been sympathetic, and the other two have had little dealing with this. We've done our best to keep this to ourselves. I certainly can't talk to them about what happened the other day, how do you say "mom walked into a stupid situation and got herself assaulted"?

This has just brought me back to the beginning. What did I do this morning? I contacted the man who 'degraded' me (he has no clue how I feel) and I APOLOGIZED to him for not living up to his expectations and I THANKED him for spending some time with me.

I don't even want to get better now. I just need to go away - winter is coming, I should just take a long walk in the woods and not come back.

But of course, I am the only breadwinner. My husband is hardly looking for work anymore. The only thing that is needed of me is income. I keep thinking of my insurance, but can't figure out how to get it for them.

I don't want to die. I just want to let my family leave this place I have put them in. They can recover, people do it all the time.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 121

Here's my nickel's worth. First off, Pete, please don't feel that your feelings and thoughts are fraudulent or a waste of anyone's time to read about them just because in your estimation your depression and/or circumstances are not as bad as Goofy's were. We are all unique and we have a unique bag of problems that we have to deal with. Don't minimize the way your feelings and thoughts affect you just because they don't "measure-up" to someone else's. We're all struggling here, or else we wouldn't be here. We are each here for different reasons and in varying stages of depression. Please continue to share with us. I like reading your posts.

MMGSC; I feel so bad that you're in such a deep state of depression. I, myself, have been in a crisis state (depression, anxiety, anger, etc.) for going on four years. It will be four years on January 1, 2010. During these past four years, absolutely nothing but bad luck, hurt, pain and disappointment have followed me. The only truly good things that have happened in my life have been my children's success and achievement. I'd like to say this is an exaggeration, but even my friends and family have talked to me about it. In January of 2006 I discovered that my abusive husband of 25 years was cheating on me and since this was not the first time it happened and both sons were in college, I decided I would try to make a break. This has been an extremely long process because the ex has come back several times promising he will be faithful and convincing me that he has changed. I'm not going to go into all of that right now, but long-story-short; since my sons are the only source of joy in my life these days, I try to keep in contact with them almost on a daily basis. Thank God for e-mail, Facebook, Texting, etc. It's so easy to drop them a line or leave them a message and so very rewarding when I get a call back or a nice email. Since you mentioned you have four children, is this something that you could try to bring you out of the depths of your depression and give you some reason to want to keep plugging?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Hi goofy and Pete,

I'm 49 and the events that changed my life happened almost exactly three years ago. Yes, I can remember the good days. I was primarily a housewife most of my adult life, raising four children. I was involved in my community, loved cooking (though my children learned to be cautious eaters...) and loved camping, hiking, reading, caving and travel. Some of these things changed by necessity when I had to return to the workforce, but when my depression hit everything stopped. I can see improvement now because about two months ago I started really reading again.

Sadly, my feelings of self worth have not improved, they have even gotten worse recently. I talked about that in the Setbacks forum. I am having more negative impulsive thoughts and feelings. My husband is supportive, but this is going on so much longer than we both had thought. It's not fair to him. My children are grown. I really am not needed by them. I really would be of more value dead, since I have gobs of insurance. But of course, I cannot actively take my life or else there is no money, so I am still here.

I have given up. I have a bully at work I cannot get away from, who cannot be stopped. HR will do nothing. My homelife is nearly nonexistent - I come home, try to eat, and pretty much just head to bed. I don't have the motivation to try any more.

How do you find the energy to try?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Pete, I wasn't trying to humble anyone or invoke fear of "losing it" in anyone. I appreciate you sentiments none the less. I wanted to show how the depression effected how I felt about myself. It surprises me today (not back then) how I could have believed all those things that were so negative about myself. I can't believe I felt so useless, unworthy, and gave up so quickly. I went from being energetic to lifeless. My point is I think alot of the negative things we believe about ourselves comes automatically with the depression. Do I continue to have some negative feelings of self-worth today, feeling useless, unworthy. Where I got my energy back slowly (gosh it seems to have taken forever, was of course getting my self-efficacy back and that was one step forward three step back. I started experimenting about what I could to combat depression. There was an event that occurred that had a jarring effect, my mother's death, but I stayed in bed for months after that. My son took over with the Power of Attorney. I still combat those negative feelings/thoughts but the sessions in here on getting rid of them really helped and as I gained my self-worth, self-efficacy and self-esteem back I've grown.

Pete, I can remember a time when I pretended to be a Christian, many people go through that talking the talk but not walking the walk, so to speak. So you pretended to follow Buddhism, doesn't mean you can't follow it again if you are led in that direction or you think it is something that will help you with your depression. I know my sprirituality played a part in my recovery.

You can do this -

btw, I'll be gone for a couple of days, but I'll pick up where we leave off and if I find a computer where I'm going, I won't be gone. lol

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