Hmmm, I think my post was maybe taken out of context. I was just trying to give Pete some subtle things that were said that might have had a negative impact. These things did, but they aren't the issues I need to work on, the one's I haven't discovered yet are. I feel very confident that I have made something of myself, I know I'm intelligent, articulate, analytical, have values and morals and it's okay if I cry and I don't look ugly and I can manage my weight and be comfortable with who I am. I've dealt with those. I didn't mean to sound vain above - I just can list my attributes.
I can also list issues with my self-esteem and am looking for other things that may have contributed to the negative self-image and self-worth.
So, I my parents were a source of both positive and negative issues that effected self-esteem.
My son is a positive in terms of building my self-esteem. To quote him "I'm the strongest woman he knows". Now he did say that pre-depression initially, but tells me he still believes it today. he also tells me "I'm the wind beneath his wings". A bit corny for a mom and son to have "our song", but that's it. I always feel he is the wind beneath my wings too, He is always respectful and complimentary.
I was, and still would be if I were working in that capacity, a good counselor, my performance evaluations as well as the positive feedback from consumers (what some call clients) reassure(d) me of that.
I also know I have alot of determination, my mom and dad told me that. My track record of life accomplishments reassures me of that.
The depression plays mind tricks on me. I feel these things and know these things about myself (attributes, good things about me, I'm a moral and virtuous person, treat people with dignity and respect, etc. etc. ) but when I start spiraling or am depressed - it doesn't seem to matter how good I feel about me - I just don't care. does that make any sense. And those negative things do tend to shine then. As they come to the surface though - I'm challenging them (they are negative core beliefs, I got from somewhere).
So I have many good things I feel about me - but I also have that negative list too.
Ashley, thanks again for the compliments, they are reassuring.
Lost, I don't think it's a waste of time, I thinking seeing them on paper is therapeutic, it gives us perspective on things and if we can identify where thye came from we can negate the erroneous ones and confirm the true ones. I don't think it's a sit down and do it all at once activity (I couldn't emotionally handle that), but I can do it over time. I know that you are not worthless, your posts on here imply the contrary. You are a caring, feeling and empathetic person. I think it's also a good thing when you are thinking things might actually be okay to jot down those feelings too. You definitely underestimate your abilities. You must be smart to be a lab specialist and to know how to take photos. You are articulate and compassionate. So start with that list - it's true - I wouldn't say it if it weren't. I have a virtue of honesty as well.
And remember, though we are faceless - you are NOT alone. We value your posts and your insight.
So I think as Ashley suggested we need two lists. One for people who effected our self esteem in a postive way and one for people who effected our self-esteem in a negative way. Doesn't matter how long either of the lists are and it doesn't have to be totally inclusive - ju
