I heard an expression that helped me through a change of location. It is "Grow where you have been planted." To grow well, you will have to nurture yourself like you would nurture a plant. Water and fertilizer, as in eat healthy. Some shelter from the elements, that could be caring from your husband and reaching out long distance to your old friends. Don't forget the sunshine - surround yourself with happy people. Happiness is contagious.
A girl friend of mine had wonderful results with hormone therapy with her depression. When you said you had improvement with birth control pills, you might want to pursue this further with your family doctor.
Is this confrontational person a bully? Could they be feeling that their job would be threatened, if you do well? How does this person treat others in the office? If there seems to be a co-worker that appears to be not at all threatened by this problem person, maybe you could confide in that co-worker that seems to be unfazed by this bully. They might be able to give you some insight into what the real problem is with this confrontational person.
I have spent the last couple of days reading a really nice book, The Gift of Imperfection. It really speaks to me on fear of failure and thinking my efforts are not good enough. The is some discussion on shame. Something I see to have a lot of. Ashamed of not being pretty enough, thin enough, fast enough etc.
I finished reading, The Gift of Imperfection today. I loved it. There was a portion in it that talked about dancing. That so many people are embarrassed of being seen dancing, because of thinking that they might look silly or appearing goofy, out of rhythm etc. Yet the author talked of the joy of dancing.
Last night I went out, even though I was at work during the day, had to buy groceries in the way home, then get chores done to prepare for today's snowstorm. Yes I was tired, but made myself get all prettied up and off I went to the bar for a fund raiser for battered women (plus St. Paddy's day). I got to dance with the girls for an hour and it was GREAT. I love to dance and it really helped to lift my mood. I really needed that.
This past week had been one of the most depressed ones I have had since changing meds. Began to feel rough on Tuesday at work. Wednesday was a day off, I just stayed home. Thursday was even worse and I called in saying I was sick. Friday I went to work, but I was in tears after talking to a couple of aggressive complaining male customers. I began to get better as the day went on. Went to a dinner party Friday evening. Being with friends and having a laugh was so needed by me. Could not stay late as had to be at work at 9 Saturday morning.
The point of this whole story, dance and dance some more. It is good for me.
This has been a quiet place lately. I keep checking for new posts.
Finished the Mindfulness workshop this week. I know I am going to miss it on Monday nights. I need to keep motivated to practice the meditation. Lots of leader lead meditations can be found on the web. I have been experimenting with them. Have a couple of favourites.
Have you found a supportive Doctor? My general practice Doctor in pretty good, even though her plan is medication. If one pill does not work, she tries another. I have been taking anti depression drugs for about 25 years. Recently had a set back, the meds that worked for years has lost its effectiveness. So have been trying others. Working on learning more about mindfulness meditation. You might find meditation relaxing as well.
When I was doing the activity tracker, I learned rather quickly that my mood would dip if I had a difficult customer at work. I did not have much tolerance to presser. I am pretty quick to beat myself up and blame myself, even if the issue is someone else's problem. For me the activity tracker, taught me that what I was thinking usually determined how I would feel shortly afterwards.
It can be difficult finding the right medications. I used the same drug for years, then this year it lost its effectiveness. For the past 6 months it has been an experiment finding a new drug that has the same abilities of the one I took for 20 years.
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