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11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Life´s challenges

There's so much going on in this thread I got overwhelmed halfway through! haha

Red, I know what you mean. We can only cope with so many bumps in the road before it gets too much. This definitely contributed to the increase of my anxiety again :(

Davit, I'm dealing with the same thing at the opposite end of the scale! There's a massive heat wave here at the moment, so doing anything without melting is almost impossible. There's also huge bushfires across Tasmania, South Australia, New South Wales and Queensland has the worst at the moment, which is where I live. The haze and humidity is quite terrible, it's hard to breathe. While you're trying to get everything done before the snow, we have to run around like mad before our afternoon thunderstorms. Don't put too much pressure on yourself though Davit. If you have to leave some things until the spring that's okay too :) And don't do too much damage to yourself, and the apple trees ;)

Sunny, my Mum has been having troubles with her eyes too. We have to see an opthalmologist in Brisbane, which is about an hour and a half away. We're so lucky here in Australia though, we have public hospitals and pharmaceutical health benefits so we can get a lot of health service free of charge. Mum had an overactive thyroid and to treat that, she had radioactive iodide 5 years ago. Unfortunately, she suffered a rare side affect of that which caused her eyes to bulge, causing a lot of pressure and double vision. At the end of 2011, she needed to have both her eye sockets broken and remoulded so her eyes could fit into their sockets again. And last year she had another surgery to straighten her right eye and although she has more surgeries to come, the improvement so far has been astounding!

That's your positive Sunny, there is always hope! As for the pharmacy, that's so frustrating. Do you have a script and everything? They should be able to read that.

Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Avoidance Strategies

Hi Vincenza,

I've reached the point now where most situations are 'unsafe' for me. I absolutely cannot leave the house without my water bottle and an anti nausea tablet. My safe place is home, but when we go somewhere in our car it feels likes I'm taking a piece of that safe place with me. My safe people are my parents, but there are others who are safe too. I constantly check for signs of stomach pain or upset, changes in my body temperature and any signs of dizziness.

Over the past year or so, I've had several isolated episodes of vomiting which seemed to appear out of nowhere. My biggest fear is vomiting and it worries me that anywhere and anytime I might have another one of these attacks. It starts with my stomach churning and I start to sweat and then I get the familiar sense of needing to escape, and when I do try to escape the dizziness starts and my vision becomes distorted. Most of the time I collapse, like fainting, only I don't faint, I vomit instead. I hate this awful feeling and it terrifies me.

I'm having trouble overcoming this. I worry that I will think I'm feeling okay and then suddenly I'll realise that I'm not and have one of these episodes. What also makes it hard is that at times I've had the other symptoms without the vomiting. How do I challenge this? Every time I form a positive statement in my mind, the anxiety challenges that too. It has an answer for everything. I guess it is more like me than I realised ;)

I really need to go to the dentist to get a filling and my bruxism is getting worse too so I need to see him about that too. I also need to see my GP for a referral to a new psychologist, and I'll need to be able to see that psychologist. And my dietician. The list is piling up! I can't avoid these forever but I'm scared to take the risk :(

Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Avoidance Strategies

Hi Davit,

Thank you for your response, it was really helpful. I understand what you mean with the doctors. When I was 13, I felt sick at school and was so scared of throwing up, even though I didn't, I stopped eating for 2 and a half weeks. My weight dropped down to 32.5kg (about 71 pounds) and I was fed through a tube for another 2 and a half weeks. The way the doctors treated me was so awful. They abused my parents, and the psychiatrist threatened to send me away from my parents as a way to force me to eat. It was so bad my current psychiatrist personally apologised for the way we were treated. Even in the 5 years since then, the way eating disorders are treated has changed.

So far I've been suffering for 8 years, my agoraphobia started when I was 10 but I didn't have my first panic attack until I was 15. At times I feel like I've wasted my teenage years, I should be enjoying life not fearing it. But then I think, as you have said, it's best to face it now and then I will be set for the rest of my life.

I was in a youth psych ward last year too, and suicide was never far from my thoughts. Luckily for me, my 'true self' as I call it was far too strong. It was what kept me alive.

I'm having trouble with challenging thoughts. Most of them I can identify, but I feel like I can't tell anyone or even write them down. For so long, I have been telling myself to keep them bottled up. I think it's a way of protecting myself. I'm scared to let them go because holding on to them keeps me safe. A part of me feels like the anxiety is the only thing holding me together, and without it I would fall apart. I don't know who I am without the anxiety.

Sorry, I've been blabbing about myself.

Thanks again Davit,

Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Was I Right or Wrong?

Hi Hugs,

This is a hard question. There are always other factors when making a decision, so I would even go as far as to say that no decision would be entirely rational.

Did you really want to go? Are you thinking now that you should've went? I guess that's the only way to tell, if you're not that concerned that you didn't go then you probably didn't really want to in the first place. But if it's really playing on your mind then you should make sure you're at the next one :)

"Never regret anything, because at the time it was exactly what you wanted." I love this quote.

Kaitie.

P.S. What's an open house? I always thought that was when real estate agents allowed vendors to come and look at a house their selling? :S

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Was I Right or Wrong?

Hi Hugs,

I get what you mean now, gosh I'm silly ;) Can you enrol in a course without going to the Open Day? I'm not sure how it works in America. Why don't you do something purely because you enjoy it? I've heard of a lady in Brisbane who runs classes to teach people portrait sculpture in clay, and I know it is something I really want to do so I'll work towards it. We don't have to be serious all the time, and I'm sure you'll get more out of it if it's something you actually enjoy :)

As for taking risks, I have another good quote. "if you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything" I know myself I crave certainty. I like to be 100% sure. But how many things are certain in life?

Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Forum Question

Hi Wondertron,

That is strange, I don't see why it would be an issue. I'm pretty sure they don't delete a thread unless a member requests for it to be removed, and I've only seen that once. The person who posted that thread insulted a lot of members though and that most certainly isn't the case with you. It may just be a tech problem.

I did read that thread, and even though it was a sensitive topic for you, you still put yourself out there. Good on you, it was very brave.

Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Was I Right or Wrong?

Hi Hugs,

Some people are just cranky. All. The. Time. Haha :) There's always those grumpy sales people and receptionists. A few days ago, when my parents went grocery shopping, there was no more of the eggs left on special. My Dad asked one of the staff if there was any more, and the guy said there are others there for that price. So he hobbled back to Mum on his crutches (he broke his leg a few weeks ago in 3 places) and told her what he had said, and she knew that there definitely wasn't any others on special. So she confronted the guy and he replied "Oh I just told him that." What a thing to say to someone on crutches!

The only thing you can do is accept there are people like that. Although they shouldn't take it out on others, maybe they were just having a bad day. Or maybe that's just who they are. I've come to realise that's just their decision and we shouldn't dwell on it. After all, you'll probably only have to see them briefly.

As for seeing people, maybe that course would be a good thing. Or you could invite someone to come visit you :)

Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Sick of being sick

That's good to hear Red, hopefully those nice doctors work it out soon :)
An endoscopy doesn't sound nice, but I know a few people who have had them and they said it wasn't too bad. If it finds the problem, it's all worth it.

Have fun on your little adventure, I'm glad you're feeling better now.

Good luck with it all!

Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Desperate to be better.

Hi Maddferit,

I'm 18 too, and have had panic attacks since I was 15 but my agoraphobia/avoidance goes back further than that. I've had quite a few times where my anxiety has been severe, for six months or more at a time. It is such a long battle, but I know you can do it!

There is no way you can rush this, and if you try it will only make the anxiety worse. I know what you mean about not feeling the same. I can't even remember the person I used to be, the things I enjoy or how the old me would react to things. The one thing I have learnt that has helped the most is to think of your anxiety as a separate part of you. The further away you can distance yourself from the anxiety, the more you can fight back and challenge it, the more your 'true self' will show through and you'll start to feel like yourself again. I hope this makes sense.

You're not insane. How would you picture someone who was insane? Would they be totally distanced from reality, in a padded cell babbling to themselves? Even then, to call them 'insane' would be harsh. You're also not pathetic. Just because you think something, doesn't mean it's true.

You haven't been bugging anyone, it's good to post on here. I find it helps put things in perspective :)

All the best,
Kaitie.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

Desperate to be better.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by fuzziness? Is it your vision, as Davit suggested, or more that your brain feels foggy? I know for me at times it feels like my mind gets cloudy and I have to try really hard to break through that so I can think. It was hard in school, a single maths lesson would leave me exhausted from having to do this so I could take in what I was supposed to learn. It was worse when I was taking Olanzapine, which is a strong sedative.

Kaitie.

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