Looking back through my journal I discovered that it wasn't Cloxacillin I was taking with the Celexa. It was an entirely different anti biotic. I was on so many different things it's hard to keep track and in one hospital I didn't have my computer so some stuff didn't get recorded. The thing is I have traded a little bit of depression in the morning for a whole lot of panic all day. And the side effects are far worse this time around. I have a prescription for valium as a PRN. and we all know what I think of benzo's. I'm going to drop the Celexa and take the Valium on an as needed basis. Last time I did this it was only half a pill every second day and I had a lot more to be depressed about. My leg is much better, I can get around much better so I can stay busy and there is all that baking to do which I can't do on the Celexa. Right now I can't stand the sight or smell of food and I have cravings. I want ice cream so bad. (could I be pregnant). I'll go back to Lemon Balm tea and mint tea if I need more than the two cups of Lemon Balm. I'm quite sensitive to it. It makes me very sleepy If I have more than two cups. And I'll take my own advice, "if you need it take it and get off when you can." I really appreciate your concern. Reading my other posts, I was doing so good That I'm going to treat this as just a little set back. Just wish it wasn't happening right now. Thank you for the prayers.
Oh my God if there is one thing I have been guilty of it's this people pleasing. I used to play pool with a very competitive friend and I'd let him win just because he'd get mad if he didn't. But the worst was giving away things so people would like me, see I thought I was an ugly cripple that no one could like. Then I had to spend a lot of time in the hospital and all these Neighbours of mine some who I only knew there names were taking care of my animals and garden and green house. And any one who gardens on a subsistence scale will tell you it's a lot of work. I almost made the mistake of trying to pay them back before I realized it would be insulting. I found it hard to believe they liked me and wanted to know me but because I was reclusive there was no way to break the ice. So now I have lots of friends and I ignore what I see in the mirror. And I try to help where I can even if it is only to visit people in the hospital and take them out for coffee. Perfectionism is another fault of mine. I'm always striving to do better and a lot of my woodwork went in the stove till I got told not to do that. Now I leave it around where people can see it and if they show an interest I give it to them. I've tried to look at it from some one else's perspective and it's not that bad. I still strive for perfection but only for me. And people really don't like to be shown up. I still think I should do and be the best I can but not brag about it to much, but it is hard not to show off something I have done really well.
Can you help me with this. I think Lance has the wrong beta blocker. I use atenolol for hypertention. It is I believe a selective beta blocker and it does nothing for my panic but lower pulse. The one for panic I am quite sure is Propanolol, which I think is non selective. Any way they are different. Ive read of using Propanolol with some success but not atenolol. Has any one used Atenolol? Atenolol will slow pulse during a panic attack but that is if you use it after the attack. I hope I'm wrong and it is just me it doesn't work for. Can some one state for a fact that Atenolol works. There were a couple of posts from people using beta blockers with some success but I can't find them.
I would hope that all of us remember that this is only information and not to replace a Doctors advice. But it is good to go to the Doctor armed so he doesn't have to guess. I went to the internet and did a search to satisfy my curiosity and it says pretty much what I said but I think you should look up both Atenolol and Propranolol. Propranolol is commonly used for stage fright and hand tremors. More than one site mentions it's use for anxiety and it is different than Atenolol. Atenolol was developed to eliminate some of the side effects of propranolol and it is superior if you have hypertension. If you are not taking it for high blood pressure then I would still say it is the wrong drug. But that is only my interpretation and every one is capable of being wrong and since we are all different maybe it does work, but certainly not for me. Anyway it is only information and I am not saying it is definitely the wrong drug only that I think it is. I don't know if it works for hand tremors as I've never had them. I do get body twitching and it doesn't work for that. Again for me anyway.
I find that if I exercise a bit or do box breathing that I think better. I do arm curls with a water bottle while reading or typing to keep oxygen pumping to my brain. The brain needs O2 to operate. Works good for long boring drives too.
If you think you could live with life like it is now, then why not just coast a bit and see if it gets better. It did for me and I was in the exact same position you are 6 months ago. There are other things that work besides the heavy meds. But this is presuming that the Phsyciatrist didn't diagnose you with a mental disorder. In that case his advise is the best and any thing I say is best ignored. I did it off meds so it can be done but obviously not by every one. Post often and use the blog on top of the program and you may well be able to do it too. You can always do the meds if it doesn't work.
Good luck with the new Medication. You do sound much happier and you are definitely in my prayers. Keep us posted, I have never tryed Cymbalta or even heard of it so I looked it up and I will definitely want to know how you do on it.
To answer your last question first. Yes. Now to get back to the beginning. This is very important and I know how hard it will be but it does get better. Write down what you are thinking and feeling as soon as you start to panic. It will be hard and it will be confusing and in the beginning it won't make sense but take my word for it this is necessary. During a panic attack every thing gets hard to do so try to start before the attack. This does a number of things. It works as a distraction. It brings the problem to the front where you can face it and most important of all nine times out of ten when you read later what you wrote you will question why it bothered you. You may have noticed that panic distorts things but makes them seem real. The separation you mention may only be the key that opens the door to a lot of things that subconsciously are bothering you and you have to get them out in the open where you can deal with them. As time goes by you will learn how to deal with them through exposure and other techniques the program will teach you. you can't fix something till you know what is broke so write down every thing and ask lots of questions because the first thing you are going to learn here is that you are not alone. Some one has gone through what you are and they will have ways that they deal with it. Hang in there. No matter how hard it gets, remember some one else has done it and beat it. read about the relaxation techniques also. If you have any questions about the program ask the moderators, there here to help.
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