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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

I have come to this realization. Why would I want a woman that does not want me? I am like the guy running into the bar and forcing my help onto them when it is not wanted. I have to give her the dignity of running her own life. This story is long and would be a best seller if I wrote it out.

Thanks to all my tools I have made it through what has been 3 of the darkest days in sobriety for me. Today is 100 times better then yesterday. Tuesday was the worst. The drunk me would have been at the end of a short rope right now but I am here sober and recovering.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Jakeland,

That sounds like a very tough situation for you. I also see it could be very triggering for you. Relationships can be incredibly hard to get over. Relationships actually release chemicals in our brains similar to the addictive chemicals in drugs and alcohol. Sometimes getting over a toxic relationship can be like getting over an addiction. It is hard but so worth it.

It also sounds like you realize she will not be able to help you build the life you want. Now is a good time to reflect on what you actually want in your life and in a partner. Work towards those things in yourself and continue moving forward. Trust your gut. You know what is best for you.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

I have done all I can do for her but let her go. I will do that because yes I love her. I hung onto this relationship when it was damaged so bad by me. Love is perential as the grass.

I am good sobriety is strong. If I make it through this I will be able to help so many people. LOL Thanks for all your support. I have to end the poor me party before it becomes a pour me a drink party.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi Jakelad--I think you are correct it sounds like a toxic relationship. The fact that she is hiding you is like hiding drinking. It doesn't feel good. My heart goes out to you. That's not a way to build trust and love. You have posted about her before and I know you are deeply in love with her it seems and I believe she was one of the reasons you started trying AA? (Maybe I'm wrong about that but, that's what I thought I remembered) Anyway, my opinion is you have a good heart and you have done an amazing thing in staying sober for over a year. Heartaches hurt so much. I know you miss her....but, being hidden...well it's just not fair. You can find a new love. If you open your heart to it. Perhaps you've been so caught up in trying to love her and having her love you that you missed someone out there that would be better for your soul. Hang in there...no relationship is worth losing yourself....hard as that is.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I can quote the big book but its real hard in real life. I would say, focus on sobriety, the 12 steps try to be of maximum help to others. A good wowan will come your way. Its not worth losing sobriety over a relationship.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

I have been in an on again and off again relationship for 4 years. She left me 3 months before I got sober. Yes she was part of my rock bottom. Over the last year we have gotten very close. She told me that she is loves me but not in love with me. She hopes to be but not right now. It hurt but I have learned patiant through sobriety. Sunday she ran back to her ex husband because he got a DUI. He lives 2 hours away and knows nothing about us so I am expected to hide. While he is there there is no contact at all. This is very hard to accept. I look at her like booze it is easy to remember the good times while drunk the high but it is our lows that kill us. So too is a toxic relationship I remember the great times easy and miss them bad but I have to remind myself of the low times such as now. The pain of being treated like a secret, plans made without me, the walls she built up.

Yes I admit I was an jerk with lies while out there drinking. Yes I admit that I want more from this woman in sobriety I would like to have a partner to build a life with. She knows this and says she not ready. I told her that if I keep going with the hiding and constant desire for a life with her I will either be drunk or insane.

I would like to here what others have to say.

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