Please contribute if you want to. (Just keep it clean okay?)
Ron Chestna 89 years of age was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night . Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
Ron replied, "That would be my wife."
Becky was 73 and just got her first computer. After her son spent over 2 hours teaching her how to use it, she was sure she knew everything there was to know about computers. Unfortunately though, one day she couldn’t get it to start so she promptly called an IT guy to come over and take a look at it. The IT guy managed to fix the issue in a few minutes and was on his way. Becky was proud when she overheard the IT guy on the phone with his boss telling him about the issue, she was sure it meant it was a serious issue and she was sure she took care of it the right way. “Excuse me if you don’t mind me asking,” asked Becky to the man on his way out. “I couldn’t help overhearing you on the phone with your boss. What exactly is an Id ten T problem? Just so I can tell my son.” The man smiled, took out a pen, “it stands for this: I-D -1-0-T”
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!
Now read without the word dog.
Why was the tomato red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost.
He reduces height and spots a man down below.
He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.
That’s pretty humerus.
What kind of dogs love car racing? Lap dogs!