Anger can be a common symptom when depressed. It sounds like you are really hard on yourself about this symptom. It is not your fault. You are not defective. We can help you to figure out how to cope with anger. What have you tried so far? What coping skills have worked in the past? What new ones do you think you can try? It sounds like lashing out and hair pulling are your coping strategies now. It will take time to replace these with other more effective coping skills. You can create a new pattern. We will help you get there.
Coping with anger is incredibly tough so please give yourself credit each time you attempt to cope in healthier ways.
~m, I love your very mindful approach to coping. Acceptance of emotion and self-compassion can be hugely helpful. Also, working on self-validation along with self-compassion can help.
On the question of anger and dealing with intrusive thoughts. Lessons 4 and 5 are really, really good (in my opinion) and I would recommend reading through those and doing the homework assignments. The absolute BEST tool I have retained is knowing how to gently and compassionately challenge my negative and/or destructive thoughts. It can't hurt to learn a little more about the process and might just enable you to get control of the thoughts that are bothering you. Let me know how it goes! And thanks for bringing this up... I have been forgetting to use the skills I learned. Unbelievable how I can still just get swept away and be so bewildered by raging emotions... completely forgetting I CAN do this. I can make a difference for myself. I DO have control. ~m
I think the key here is compassion. From what you describe all your anger is directed at yourself. I know it is "easier" to turn it inward. I've self-harmed in the past and been furious with myself too. Partly it's the depression and anxiety playing out, but there are also reasons for what you are feeling. Things get triggered. They aren't just there because you are a bad or defective person. You can begin to manage the feelings even without knowing what the specific reasons are. (ideally you can figure that out too, but in the meantime...) You need be as kind to yourself as you can be and yet set limits with yourself as well.
It is not ok to self-harm. It helps contain the anxiety, while providing only temporary relief. I don't know how to explain, but sometimes I have to talk to myself like I'm a 2 year old in a tantrum. Set limits. Acknowledge the frustration, pain, and fear. Accept the feelings as natural and normal without judging. Sooth and calm.
Piece of cake. Not! But it works with practice. I'll try to find the lessons on dealing with this so I can point you in a more helpful direction. Just for now... please try to be kind and remain hopeful. It can get better. It does get better, but there is work involved and you are totally worth making the effort.
I'll try to get back with that information, but have to take a sick cat to the vet right now. I'm glad I checked in though and saw your post. Hang in there Super Girl. ~m
One surprise to me has been the anger that I feel when I am at a low point and in the negative thinking downward spiral. When one little thing goes wrong I just want to fly into a rage...yell, scream, explode. This anger makes my compulsions so much worse - my hair pulling and skin picking get so out of control. It is extremely hard for me to keep these in check and then I feel like I have to go back to square one and start all over again. Which makes the anger build even more -- I feel like a failure, a disappointment, a defective human being. Got to take a deep breath, take a break, and get rid of this anger somehow.
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