Get the Support You Need

Learn from thousands of users who have made their way through our courses. Need help getting started? Watch this short video.

today's top discussions:

logo

Dealing with depression and anxiety and starting to feel lonely.

Ashley -> Health Educator

2021-06-11 4:17 PM

Depression Community

logo

hi :)

Ashley -> Health Educator

2021-06-11 4:06 PM

Depression Community

logo

Friends who drink

diamondhfx

2021-06-10 5:00 AM

Managing Drinking Community

logo

Covid vaccine

grapeseed

2021-06-06 3:03 PM

Quit Smoking Community

Browse through 411352 posts in 46954 threads.

139,387 Members

Please welcome our newest members: Gel1980, cermaqemployee, Allons-y, Jell, Mme L

Parenting


Thank you all for the advice, the support and for the hugs. Yes the hugs are okay :)
 
I've written in my blog. Kinda long so I won't rewrite here. But I have to admit I have been struggling a lot. And I feel like a failure. I feel like I am failing as a wife and mother. Heck some days I feel just plain like a waste of space.
 
Most days, I just do what I can to survive and maintain the status quo. But the status quo ain't that great you know? Anyway, I pretend like I am okay. I do my best not to be a burden. But really, I am not doing that well. 
9 years ago 0 ~m 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Pete and Josie... excellent advice.  Moms, all I can add is that you remind me of myself 30 years ago trying to raise my children perfectly.  There exists no such thing.   We learn as we go and our children do too.  I've written four posts trying to encourage and just don't know what to say that can help.  My heart aches for you (and for the young mom that was me).  That drive to do right by your children is so strong... but they kinda turn out how they turn out... ya know?  You love them and keep them safe and give them the tools to enter this world.  In real time, that means tv and computers are a part of the world.... the best thing we can do is teach our kids moderation and kindness.  That means you model those things yourself.  Start by being kind ... respectful ... gentle ... to YOU.
 
I'm still not happy with this post, but I suppose the last sentence says it all.  
Sending gentle cyber hugs your way (if that is ok)  
Momstheword,
 
I couldn't have repeated Pete's word better!
 
Just you thinking that you want to be the perfect mom is what separates you from the others!  Your drive and determination does make you a great mom with great intuition and commitment!
 
Be yourself!
 
Your right babies are sponges, but they are not encyclopedias!  Take the time to write down what you can do with your child and when.  Babies do still need routine and sleep.  So sleep when the baby sleeps and play, laugh and love each other at all times.
 
You baby can feel your warmth and smile..so do it often!
 
Enjoy your baby and they will enjoy you.
 
 
Josie, Health Educator
9 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi momstheword
 
I won't presume to advise you - it sounds to me as if you've maybe been trying to absorb too much advice already. I can, thouhg, recount my experiences as a parent. We have three boys, now aged 20, 18 and 15. They are intelligent, thoughtful, polite young men of whom I am very proud. They can think for themselves, which for me is the most important goal of parenting and education.
 
And, you know what? As they have grown up, they have all three enjoyed tv and video games, and have seen myself and my partner do the same. They have witnessed us in bad moods, lazy moods, stressed and angry at times. They have witnessed my depression wax and wane over and over.
 
The perfect parent does not exist, and it is fruitless to try and be that. Children have to learn that people are not perfect all the time : sometimes we are unreasonable, sometimes we are impatient, sometimes we don't listen. But we love them and we have a home full of love. Everyday, strong, love. Not sentimental or sloppy, rarely overtly expressed, but it is there, it is the environment. That is the most valuable gift we can give our children. It's not all been plain sailing, of course. We have not raised saints, but rounded people.
 
So - I won't say to ignore expert advice, but be wary. There are always experts to espouse any view or opinion. Every child, every parent, every family, is different. This is your baby, you are his mother, you do know best. Be yourself. Be mellow when you feel mellow, be grumpy when you feel grumpy, but always love and give your baby freedom to grow, in his own way, into a beautiful individual.
 
Sorry, I have ended up sounding like I'm telling you what to do as well. I'm not really shouting at you here, momstheword, just sharing my experiences. I'm screwed-up in a lot of ways, there's a lot in my life I could have done better, but my children are the crowning glory of my existence, and I wanted to help you see what a marvellous gift you have here, and how your own instincts are the best guide.
 
Your instincts may tell you to ignore this old windbag, which would be fair too.
Wasn't sure where to post this discussion but here goes.
 
I've been driving myself nuts wanting to be the perfect mom, the perfect parent.   
 
-Make sure the baby doesn't see me on the computer or watching television, I don't want to teach him to be a couch potato or that happiness comes from a screen.
- Try to make sure he doesn't see Daddy on the computer or watching tv.
-Try not to expose baby to the television or the computer, don'twant to make him ADHD or a gamer or a couch potato.
- Make sure baby listens to music but not so much as to overload him
- Make sure baby gets quiet time so he learns to amuse himself quietly.
-Make sure baby get plenty of activities, so he learns to like moving and learning.
- Make sure baby get the right stimulus in the right amounts.
-Exersaucer, play mats, books, etc, all in the right proportions...
-Homemade baby food
 
I have been freaking out, reading up on stuff, overanalyzing this. What am I trying to do? What do I hope to do? Make sure I don't screw up my baby. Now that I am actively trying to be a good mom, a super mom and raise a well-balanced, intelligent, active, happy child, I am now exhausted as rarely before, anxious, more anxious than I have been in a long time and taking more meds than I have in a while. I am anxious and exhausted and I have been enjoying my time with baby a lot less. I can't seem to figure this out. When is a mom too mellow or not mellow enough? I just want to do right by him but I am either stressed and not enjoying him enough or mellow but he doesn't get the stimulation he needs and sees the television too much and stuff. I just can't manage to be both happy and mellow with him and give him what he needs, what the experts say is better....I feel like I am failing him.

Reading this thread: