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rethinking the thinking

I'm so glad to hear that you decided to take the part-time job where you used to work! That's great news! You are a unique and capable individual and you are surely a valuable employee to them. All the better that the bully has resigned. It also sounds like you are really making a push for getting things done to improve your living space, this will surely help lift your spirits and give you something to do (little projects). Keep us posted on your potential vacation plans, that is more exciting news from you! 
How have you been doing with keeping up your positive attitude? 


Samantha, Health Educator
11 years ago 0 goofy 1044 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Ashley, I have no idea when I plan to go, but rest assured that all that pampering that I would be getting would definitely be a great thing.  A nice hot bath, a swedish massage, et al.  Hey, don't we all deserve to be pampered like that.  I was looking at the calendar.  With the holidays, it's definitely after the first of the year. 
I also took a part-time job back at the A/D treatment center where I was working.  They called and ask me Ashley - that was an ego boost (with good timing too).  I am still going to landscape as I think that is healthy for me, the manual labor, being outside, working with the lady I work with, but as winter approaches that work will dwindle.  The job at the Tx Center is me being on-call; teaching some classes; working with long-term tx program; and working with family education.  I will also fill in when people take vacations.  I can decline to work any time I'm called and they understnad I won't quit my "day job".  I also see my therapist there so my therapy will be free again. I also told them I wouldn't work more than 20 hours per week, I don't want to work full-time there anymore.  Oh, the lady that was the bully at the tx center that I didn't want to work with and the reason I resigned, well, uh, she "resigned".   
The point of all that was to say I don't know how that will impact on when I go.  I'd like my new male friend to  go with me, but we shall see if he can arrange that with his work schedule.  He said something about going to Rio De Janerio (sp?) and I'll do that!!!!!!  I've been saving my money for a vacation and can afford either, but not both! 
I'm still trying to work to get this house so that it isn't so depressing.  I isolate and isolating here only exacerbates the depression.  I've called someone about painting and replacing a window is gonna happen soon (already paid for it) and a freind is going to help with the flooring.  Right now there are only a few people who I will allow to see the house this way. 
I am trying to get back on track, stay active and out of the bed.  I also work very hard to maintain my positive attitude though things may be coming apart inside.  My therapist and I are working on that.  He thinks I need to feel things as they occur and that I don't allow myself to feel legitimate anger.  I have to agree with him on that.  It's just when emotions surface I tend to feel them over and over and don't know what to do with them.  I don't know if that makes sense or not.
I've got alot of positives going on in my life if beneath the surface didn't lie this depression. 
Thanks for listening and all your positive and encouraging feedback - it keeps me going and just coming here is very beneficial to me. 
That is nice that you decided to spend thanksgiving with your family. You will not have to worry about feeling guilty now.
You said you will do to the Hot Springs at some point.  When do you plan on going?  It sounds great, possibly a reward for cooking thanksgiving dinner!
Keep us posted on how it goes.
Happy Thanksgiving Goofy!
Ashley, Health Educator
11 years ago 0 goofy 1044 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Shoot!  I don't remember where I posted it. But I posted about wanting to go out of town for this American Thanksgiving holiday.  Been on a downward spiral for a monthor so, trying to climb back out.  Thought getting away would be the "answer".  Talked to my brother about it and he said he understood, talked to my son about it and he said whatever makes me happy.  So I go about looking for somewhere to go, not too far but something I can do for me.  So I see Hot Springs Arkansas.  There you can tour the old bath houses and take a bath in spring water, get a massage, aromatherapy and other stuff.  Anyway, thinking this would be great, but I think I'd just be on a pity party trip because I was there alone and I'd still feel the same way I do at home.  It costs $50. for just the bath and that sounded fantastic with a personal attendant and the whole bit (still does, am going).  However, I'm not going through the holiday.  I need to be with family.  I got through "buried dad a year ago" - was yesterday - and seem to be doing better today- know I will still be upset at Thanksgiving dinner with mom and dad's chairs empty and knowing how hard it must be on grandmother to lose her son, know I have lots of issues still pending and I'm still climbing.....oh how I hate this!! Anyway, so today I'm cooking for me and grandmother (hamburgers, chips/dip and baked beans); hey, she'll be 99 in January, whatever she wants, right? and our big Thanksgiving dinner will be Saturday.  Yes, I'll make the dressing and yes, I'll write down the recipe for all to have in case I decide to go again, I won't have the dressing delimna.  (though that is NOT what kept me from going).  Realizing I am going to be depressed right now wherever I go and being around family is actually a comfort and not a stressor. 
BTW I took the $50. I was going to spend on the bath and bought $50. worth of food and took to a local food pantry for them to distribute to those less fortunate. 
So I'm still coping with my setback, but at least I'm coming to my senses a little.  to all those having trouble right now, I'll keep you in my thoughts and in my prayers. I'm thankful for my family that I do have this Thanksgiving and going to celebrate that gratitude with them.

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