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Thank you for writing out what happened with Max. It made me cry. You are a beautiful writer. I am so sorry you had to watch him go through that. He was very lucky to have you. It sounds like you were trying to make every last moment with him special. I am surprised you have not shared this with anyone else. I understand it would be difficult to talk about. But, you would be surprised how people react when you open up to them. Most people dislike surface chatting and long to go deep and talk about things that really matter. I want you to think about this point for a little bit. Who could you open up to? What do you think you might gain from opening up to others?
I think having a cup of tea was a great idea to try to calm yourself down after writing about such a difficult topic. How did you feel for the rest of the day and since you have talked about it?
It is nice to hear that you are slowly starting to feel better. I see you are still plugging away on the program too. Great work! Please continue to post. I like reading from you.
Thanks for the kind words Grapeseed. sorry to hear about your pup too. Hits hard. Its getting a bit easier. My dogs name was Max. Im also working on other issues so losing my bud was kinda the match on the fire. One day at a time. I wish you well
Hi Ashley. thanks for the support. Im slowly starting to feel a bit better about the loss of Max. Im starting, and trying, to think more about the fun etc we had together. Day by day. Its taken me a while to try and share my experience about his last few months and his death. I havent shared my experience with anyone to date. A heavy thing to lay on someone so I havent spoken about it much. So yes, Max was my best friend in the world. I spent a lot of time with him. Best dog Ive ever had. one day when we were playing, I saw a growth in his mouth. My heart dropped. i knew it was going to he bad. I took him in and had it most of it removed but turned out to be an aggressive form of cancer. They couldnt get it all. He was given around six months. I was crushed. I spent as much time with him as i could. For the next 7 months I watched this thing slowly grow in his mouth. Having to see it everyday was very very hard and you couldnt avoid it. Every time he looked at you it was right there to remind. My anxiety about what I was going to have to do grew daily. Eventually it got to the point where he was having problems eating and drinking. Id come home from work and hed have blood all over his mouth and down his chest from a small split in the growth. Drool etc. All through it, he was just happy to see me. wagging his tail as I cleaned him up over and over. I knew i had to take him in soon but how do you kill your best friend? It was torture for me. The day I finally took him in, hed had a bad day. Couldnt even eat his favorite treat, a fried egg, and puss/blood seeping from his mouth. Longest drive of my life. I live 45min away from the vet. I was kinda glad to get to go for one last drive with him as he loved the truck, but was obviously hell. My main focus in the vet was to keep it together. I didnt want him to see me break down and worry about me. I kept it together untill just after he went heavy in my arms. The ride back and walking into my apartment for the first time without him was very tough. The silence is so loud. Its still tough. It was seven months from the time I found the cancer untill he died and eleven months till now. Its been a long heavy year. ive had anger/depression issues in the past but this has been a lot to process on top of that. Day by day I guess. The homework has been good. Helps to write things down and sort some thoughts out. Helped to identify and confirm a few things that give me anxiety. Ill keep plugging along. Thanks. Very emotional typing this all out and Im bagged. Off to have some tea.
I am just jumping in to say I am sorry you lost your dog. I lost my dog a few years ago. He was hit by a car. I was destroyed. All I did was drink and rage at the people speeding past my house. I really hate people who speed in residential areas. It wasn't a good few months. It will get easier. I don't drink anymore so that helped a lot. I tend to get really negative about thinks too. I found exercise helped me a lot. I am sure this program is pretty good too. I haven't had a chance to check it out yet as I am focusing on my addictions right now. Wish you all the best bud. Keep on writing here. I try to check in once a week or so. What was your dog's name? My dog was named Odin. I still miss him but I don't think about it everyday anymore.
First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your dog. I can hear that your dog was one of the most important things in your life and that losing him was devastating. Losing a pet can be just as bad as losing a human. I am so sorry you experienced so much pain and are continuing to. Grief is a process and does not go away quickly. Allow yourself to be sad and cry whenever you need to. Also, remember to celebrate the life that your dog had. If you ever want to vent or share about what you are going through while grieving you dog, please feel free to share. I would love to read about your experience and I think it will be helpful for you to process your emotions through writing. It may also help another member or browser. Another thing to think about it your schedule. In the past your dog probably took up some of your time and gave you an outlet for exercise and positive activities. Although you cannot replace your dog, you still need to try to do activities you enjoy and provide you with exercise. Regular exercise and positive activities really does have a positive cumulative effect on mood and it will likely help you to cope with the grief more effectively.
Thank you for explaining what you have been going through. It is very intuitive that you understand that anger the depression feed each other. This is often the case, especially for men, where they are socialised to express anger more freely then depression or sadness. I think it is also intuitive that you are already catching yourself stuck in negative thoughts at work. Many negative thoughts can be learned and habitual, making them harder to control. The good news is, you can learn a new habit in thinking. It takes time and practice but eventually the change in habitual thinking has a big impact on your mood and behaviour. This is why Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) is known as the the gold standard of treatment for depression. You basically retrain yourself to think in a way that is more helpful to your mental health. This program is based on CBT principles and can help you get to where you want to be. I see you have already competed the first two sessions of the program. Great work! How did you find them? How are you finding the homework?
I look forward to reading more from you soon,
Hi. Just wanted to say hello to everyone. i guess like so many others, i found myself needing some guidance to start some change in my life. Im a single, 49 male and I have been struggling with depression and anger issues. They seem to feed each other. Ive had both for as long as I can remember but was able to mask, hide or control them enough that it didnt effect my life too much. The last few years this hasnt been the case and has been getting noticeably worse. I dont date or socialize because I dont want people to see “the real me” and am Im on the verge of being fired from a job Im good at, and should really appreciate, but I only get stuck in negative thoughts there. I have very few friends because of my negativity and dont really enjoy much of anything anymore. I recently I had to put down my dog Max after his fight with cancer. He fought for 7 months. Ive never loved anything as much as him. Ever. Including humans. Watching him go through that and losing him has been SO profoundly painful for me. Tears are running down my face as I type. Really miss him. Ive been pretty black inside for almost a year now and I really feel like Im at a crossroads. Im so tired. I have to get outa this and am starting to take steps. I know that its going to take a long time but feels a bit better just getting started. Thanks in advance for any support and I hope to be able to contribute here and there for you too. S