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I am so sorry to read how you have been feeling, for so long. Feeling like a social pariah at work would make anyone feel anxious and depressed. We all want to feel accepted. You mention you feel like you are reading too much into things, can you explain more about that?
That is great that you are no longer having Panic Attacks. That must be a relief! I am glad the medication is helping in that area. Have you tried therapy or other treatments aside from medication that may help? I definitely recommend getting started on the program here. It will take time but it is certainly required reading for everyone in my opinion. Knowing the basics of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (what this program is based on) is so helpful for all of our mental health.
I think it is amazing that you feel this way but you are still able to do what is required of you. You are strong and you are resilient. 15 years of depression and anxiety would make anyone feel trapped and like there is no end in sight. The fact that you are still fighting and looking for answers tells me you will find relief. Keep working on it and do not give up on yourself. We are here for you every step of the way. You are not in this alone. Take it one day at a time. What is one thing you could do this week that may help? Set one small goal and please tell us about it.
Thinking of you,
I have been really struggling lately. Last year I had a head injury that I never properly rested from. I think I am "better" now but I feel like a part of me has fundamentally changed.
I am in an entry level job in a fairly demanding field with no job security right now. I feel like when I started my job I wasn't fully recovered from my injury and I started everything off on the wrong foot. In the office I feel like a social pariah. No one has any interest in helping me or getting to know me. I am not sure what happened or what I did wrong. I think I'm reading too much into things but then little things happen which I know don't seem right.
I don't think I've been happy or anxiety free for the last 15 years of my life. I am taking Mirtazipine which has stopped the panic attacks but it hasn't lowered my feelings of general anxiety or depression. I've been on and off medications since I was 13.
I am just so tired of all of these internal struggles. Getting up every day is hard. Everything I do feels hard. Right now I'm still doing everything I'm supposed to but I'm just losing it. I'm so sick of feeling this way and I'm losing hope that there is an end in sight. What's the point in going on if most of my experience here is going to be painful. Why can't my mind let me be happy. I feel so trapped.