Hi roosterru,

I am really sorry to read how you are feeling. Feeling lonely and hopeless is not only depressing but also somewhat isolating. As you know, when we are feeling worthless and depressed we often tend to isolate ourselves. When you are in a new environment and have very few trusting relationships it can make it all even more alienating. Moving in general is stressful, but when moving away from family and friends it can be even more stressful. Stressful situations can often trigger an increase in depression and anxiety. Our core beliefs that are often developed when we are young tend to come to the surface more when we are stressed. The key is to acknowledge the negative thoughts and start trying to challenge them.

I think it is great that you are already pin-pointing some negative thoughts and possibly some negative core beliefs. It gives you a great jumping off point to work on CBT. If you are able to challenge those beliefs successfully, I know it will help to improve your mood and I think even your confidence in interacting with people. It will take some practice, but changing our automatic thoughts actually does work in changing how we feel. I think working on the Depression program and the associated homework will be great place to begin. You do not need to work on the program with a counsellor. You may also want to check out session 3 of the Anxiety program because it has some great questions when challenging our anxious thoughts.

I also think your depression is situational. Alongside working on your thoughts, working on your environment can also be helpful. As an introvert myself, I totally understand how hard it can be to meet people IRL. If you are not yet up to meeting friends IRL have you thought about trying to meet local online friends? Posting here is a great way to chat with like-minded people, but likely not local. I have found some interesting apps that assist in meeting local friends. It might be a fun activity to try one and see if you can meet someone who you click with. The best app to find local platonic friends I have found is Patook. Other friend finding apps tend to have more people looking for dates and not friends, this can get annoying quick ? .

I encourage you to look up local community centers and programs to see what available resources there are for you. There could be support groups that are more cost efficient or free. There is also often subsidised counsellors or free counsellors; however, there is usually a long wait list, so it is best to look into it asap. Most counsellors work with a sliding scale for payment and base the cost on your income. When looking for a counsellor, be sure to ask if they use a sliding scale.

Feeling like you don't want to be here anymore is unfortunately very common when depressed. Loneliness is a huge problem today and it is really sad to think about how many people are probably feeling similar to you. There are many lonely people out there who would love to have someone like you to talk to and relate to. Feeling depressed and alone can be so painful it sometimes seems easier just to give up. Please know that these feelings are temporary. You are allowed to be as sad as long you want and grieve your past lifestyle, accept the feelings but keep trying to work towards the light.

Lastly, please talk to your doctor about medication. Often when we come off medication for depression and anxiety it can make our symptoms worse temporarily.

Sorry for the long response, I guess your post really hit a cord with me. You are not alone.

Some questions to get you thinking, the belief "nobody cares about me". Where, when and why do you think this belief developed? If you were to examine that belief as your best self, what would you want to believe in place of that negative core belief? What is evidence for that positive belief and for the negative core belief? If you would like to share your responses I would love to read.

Browsing members, if you have experiences or thoughts to share regarding this please do so. We need your thoughts, insights and presence.

Take care,

Ashley

If you ever do start having thoughts of harming yourself you do not to deal with these thoughts alone. Please speak to a loved one or call/text a local Crisis Line. I do not know where you are located.

If you are in Canada:

https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/

Call 1.833.456.4566 Available 27/7 

Text 45645 Available from 4pm to midnight ET

If you are in the US:

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

1.800.273.8255 Available 27/7 

There is also a Crisis Text line that is available 24/7 in both the US and Canada: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Here I am, here we all are.

I don't know where to start. My same-sex fiancé and I moved to town about 6 months ago. We now live over 3 hours away from our friends and family. This is the biggest move I have done in my entire life and I've been feeling very homesick. Add some anxiety and depression on top of that and that's how I am feeling. Lately my anxiety has been SO BAD! I have no friends out here so Im also feeling very lonely. Im a shy person by nature, and I find it so hard opening up to new people. Especially when my brain is telling me they don't even care to get to know me. At work, Im the youngest person as far as I can tell by at least a decade or two. I have nothing in common with these folks... my depression says they don't care about me, my anxiety says they are talking about me and judging me. I just smile at them and keep to myself. If Im nice they can't dislike me that much right? I don't keep in touch with friends back home about my mental health, or at all. I know the battles of life and don't want to burden anyone else. What could they really do to help? Im left holding it all in for days at a time. I put myself in this corner and tell myself nobody cares about me, but the little angel on my shoulder says yes people do care...but I don't listen, I don't believe.

I had a really hard upbringing, just like a lot of people. See, I don't feel special at all. I've been wishing I was dead for a long time now. Very different from suicidal though, I don't actually want to cause harm to myself, I just wish I wasn't here anymore. After struggling for years with mental health, I finally want to see somebody to talk too. But they are so pricey I can't afford it. I have started meditation but fell off of that too. I just feel so hopeless, so worthless, so crappy all the time! I truly don't know what to do anymore. I can only hide my issues for so long.

So here I am writing this post. I don't know If I will get anything out of this but I can hope.