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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey,

I just wanted to drop in and say welcome to the forums. I hope you find some help and release for your frustrations here.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 224

Hello Songwriter Chic,

Glad to see that you are still striving forward (brushing your teeth and looking for work). If you think filing for disability under the heading of mental illness in your situation is something that could be helpful, I think you should do it. Take advantage of all the resources available to you!

Luciana, Bilingual Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5

I brushed my teeth today, twice. Still didn't shower but I did continue to look for work. I'm thinking about going into a short term residential crisis center kind of thing. I could come and go as I please except at night. No doctors or nurses are there, just staff that keeps an eye on ya and makes sure the meds are being taken correctly. So far I've managed almost a week taking my meds every day but I don't always do that.

I have been battling MDD most of my life and have gone on an off meds for long periods of time. I was first diagnosed with Chronic Depression back in 1991 (after 2 years of working with a counselor) and have been struggling with it ever since. It's just always been there so I guess I got used to it. It didn't get really bad until last March when I lost yet another job to corporate downsizing. I got suicidal and my best friend (who lives 800 miles away) talked me into going to the hospital. I stayed 7 days, got out, went back in a day or two later for 10 days then tried to suicide and was on the med unit for a day then back up in The Bin for another 10 days.

I'm angry that I have this horrible "thing" wrapped around me like an albatross. I can barely remember the person I used to be before this. I know I used to be a writer. My partner still sees me in here somewhere but I sure don't.

On a more positive note, I brushed my teeth today -- twice and I only cried a little when my MCRT (Mobile Crisis Response Unit) was here. I cried more when my partner and I talked about what we might need to do if I can't find a job. She can't afford this place on her salary alone so we're thinking about finding a slum-lord rental in the hood that she "can" afford while I look for work and get going on filing for disability. Fortunately I live in a largish city that has resources for people like us...the mentally ill. God, what a stigmatic two words those are. Mentally Ill. My mom thinks it's a bad idea for me to file disability under the heading of mental illness because she thinks the stigma is going to follow me for the rest of my life. She doesn't understand the illness and keeps trying to be my cheerleader to a better me. Ugh...

Thanks for the encouragement. I still haven't showered but maybe I'll have the energy to do it tomorrow. We'll see.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Welcome SongWriterChic,

I, too, am sorry things are going bad for you. I know the cliche's can be a bit annoying especially when we are so far down. Hang in there. We are hear to listen. The moderators are great, the sessions really help if you work through them and the group of folks who post are awesome.

Please vent anytime you need to and know that we care because we sometimes have comparable situations. I can remember the days vividly when I didn't take baths for days and didn't care. Sometimes, now even, I just don't do it. I knew I didn't smell too good either, but didn't want to be around people and didn't want people around me. I isolated and stayed to myself in my home. I live alone and that made it easier to do. I had to retire due to my MDD. I am able to work part-time now, but not in my chosen career field. I just was trying to say I can related about the bath thing.

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find it as beneficial as I have, along with the sessions, and feedback.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11219

Welcome SongwriterChic,

I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. We will be here to listen and support you whenever you need us.

Was this triggered by the lose of your job or was the MDD and BPD an ongoing problem?

Have you looked in your area for resources that are available to you? Community Centers are a great place to start looking. Just a thought.

Post as often as you need there will always be someone here listening.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5

Hi, I'm new. I have Severe MDD and BPD and I'm tired of all of the bull**** cliches like "life is what you make it" and "this too shall pass". This will never pass. I just changed medications and am hopeful they will be enough to kick start me. I lost my job almost a year ago and can't find work. I can hardly do even basic needs care like showering and I don't even think it's gross. I know I should but oh well.

I have a constant ball of fear in the pit of my stomach that I am going to end up homeless, my unemployment is almost exhausted.

I do have a wonderfully supportive partner and that is the only thing that keeps me going. I think about it all the time, ideations is the official term I guess. If I could afford to go back to the hospital, I would.

I'm not thinking too clearly these days either, at least that's what my MCRT (Mobile Crisis Response Team) tells me.

Yeah, so that's what's going on.

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