Don't give up on hope! We are here for you. It can't
be easy when you're husband is not supporting you. As eleveno said, it
is hard for others to understand what you may be going through when they haven't experienced it themselves.
Have you and your husband ever gone for councelling together? If so, what did you take away from it? If not, is it something he would consider?
Is there someone you can turn to for help for the time being? A family member or friend that can be with you right now?
It is really important to take care of yourself. You have light to put into this world - you've showed that by raising and home-schooling 5 children! Very few people can say that!!
Please let us know how you are doing this evening, we are thinking of you!
Oh Bright... I so hope you will check back in to see and use the support that is here for you. What you are experiencing is truly overwhelming and would be for anyone. What happened with your children (and husband) is heartbreaking... all the more reason for you to take care of you... let us be a support to you in that. Sending prayers and cyber hugs (if that is ok).
This program was my last hope. I've had medication, psychiatrists, councillors, read ever self help book... I thought I was 'comparable' to other people. After all, everyone has weaknesses. I still function. I worked 25 hours a week, I home-schooled my 5 kids, I ran the household while my husband would be gone for 6 days a week, I was on parent's committees for the kid's activties etc. I thought I was doing so well considering the circumstances. My husband was injured 2 1/2 months ago and has not been working since then. He is tired of living with someone who is so overwhelmed with their own emotional problems that they can not offer emotional support. He is dealing with financial problems, fear of permanent injury etc. and needs someone to support him but I always fall apart. Now that he is home all the time he has asked me to leave. I refused to go as I could not leave my children. But he insisted that they would be better off without a depressed mother. I didn't believe him, so he called and asked 3 of them. My 6 yo daughter said she loved me and didn't want me to go. My husband says that kids at that stage say stuff like that. But my 8 yo and 14 yo said ya maybe it would be nice if I wasn't around. I didn't expect that. After everything I have done to try to be a good person, everyone prefers me to not be around. I think it is time I just accept reality. I am an unacceptable person and I should have never tried to have relationships.
I thank you all for all the help you have tried to give me. You are wonderful people for putting so much time and energy into others. I wish I was like you but the reality is that I am not. I thought I could learn to be different. But I guess I was born this way....
There needs to be some common ground and communication between the two of you. You are both dealing with heavy issues and it is important that you both get some you time to take care of yourselves. Start making efforts to be together for fun or for communication. Set aside time for just the both of you and take the time to really be honest with each other.
The weather seems to be getting better and it is essential that you get out doors for your mind and body. Be active and do something positive with your family every day.
A walk, stretches, jogging, sports or swimming.
There can be positive family time which may open up the lines of communication.
I don't know what small goal to make. Nothing seems to work. Today my 29 month old dribbled some pee on the floor before running to the toilet and peeing in the toilet. I toook him to the pool of pee on the floor and tried to tell him not to let any go on the floor. My husband got angry with me for not being more forceful and insisted I spank my baby. I refused. So he pushed me out of the way and smacked the baby on his bare butt. I don't agree with hitting a child unless what he is doing could cause danger. There is no reason to spank a baby that realized he had to pee and ran to the toilet but lost some pee on the way. He obviously knows where pee goes. I want to help him use the toilet and I set goals for achieving that (and most of the time he does use the toilet) but my goals don't match my husband's goals. He says my way isn't working since the kid still can't use the toilet. Even though I have trying to teach him for quite awhile, he is still only 2 and sometimes they just don't pay attention to their body's signals. My husband says if I smacked him he would start paying attention but I refuse to do that. How can I set any goals if my husband and I can't agree on anything? He thinks everything I do is stupid and has no problem saying so in front of the kids or guests. He is home all the time now and criticizes pretty much every move I make. I am having trouble making any moves...or goals...or anything....knowing that I will be attacked for it. I just want to hide from him (like I am doing now).
I am sorry how you are feeling and your relationship with your husband. It is very difficult to deal with depression and only people who went through this illness knows what it really feels like.
In my opinion working with goals is one of the most difficult aspects of the CBT program because it is very difficult to set goals and more difficulty even planning each goal (with all the steps necessary to reach each goal). What have been working with me is to remember that goals are not written in stone and we could change goals and plans whenever we want (it is perfect normal to change goals and plans). It is a question of practice. The important thing is to work in some goal, one step at a time, and at our own pace.
He knows exactly what damage his words are doing but he is convinced that I deserve it. He feels that he has endured years of me being depressed and doing things that hurt him and now he feels he doesn't need to restrain himself for me. I never paid attention to how things affected him!
I am trying to think of small goals and good things but I keep making things worse. I make a small goal but it screws up too and then I feel more like the failure that my husband says I am. My small steps are giving me the opposite effect.
Again, I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Sounds like a tough situation and you must be quite a strong woman to be handling this for so long. With respect to the strain between your husband and yourself, have you communicated to your husband how this makes you feel? Sometimes loved ones can cause emotional wounds without realizing just how powerful their words are. As far as keeping negativity away is concerned, how could you best focus on the good things, as you say? Are there any small goals you could plan for and look forward to as a result?
I have been married for almost 20 years. I have been depressed for about 25 years. My husband is tired of me always being 'messed up'. He feels that if I haven't recovered in 20 years I will never recover. I am trying so hard to improve my life so I can face each day but for the last few years he has become increasingly bitter and angry. 2 months ago he was injured in an accident and now he has physical pain and can't work. The stress of no money, physical pain and daily life in the same building as me has made him very nasty. He never misses a day to call me something negative. I am having a really hard time to keep out of negative spirals and to focus on the good things when I am being cut down to size every few hours. I don't know what to do to help myself. I am at my limit....
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