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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

I met with my friend today. We had breakfast and talked and then walked around the local Farmer's Market. It was very nice and comfortable... not awkward. It was a totally pleasant and interesting morning. I'm home now and just feel so sad and down. Maybe this is that let down we were talking about before... after doing something positive and distracting then we just get to go back to being depressed. That doesn't seem fair. I had started feeling better.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Thanks Rowsie... When I first starting using the tilde, I did so because it represented my spineless, wet noodle self. After a lot of work and processing with members of the health sites... I decided to keep the tilde, but allow it to represent my flexibility... my ability to bend and flow. I learned how to turn a negative representation of my flaws... into a positive symbol of my strengths. That one thing... wow... what a difference. That one thing... worth all the angst and confusion and struggle and irritation involved in the learning process. Thank you for commenting on this. I had forgotten what a victory that change in perspective has been for me. Kewl!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

~m,

It really is worth all the anxious thoughts leading up to it. I do hope that you will go out and have lunch with her. To be honest, I have been working up to this for a very long time. It's much easier to actualy do it than to spend all that time thinking about it. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out. I don't have the courage to meet anyone in person yet so I'd really like to hear your experience.

Rowsie

PS. I really love the fact you use a tilde in your name.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Way to go Rowsie! You inspired me to contact a friend I haven't seen in a long while... we are going to meet for lunch sometime this week. I need to give her a day and not chicken out. I'll come back and read of your success again and again if I have to, until I actually follow through.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

So I heard back froom my friend later that night. She told me that she knew something was wrong and that I would come to her when the time was right and let her know. She was completely understanding. She even made a joke that it would be a lot harder than that to get out of being her bridesmaid in 30 years. I am so glad that e-mailed her. This was definately a great behaviour experiment.

I guess the thing that I'm taking away from this is that I have to stop living in fear of what might happen and guilt from things I have/have not done. It is better to know; to try things and see where they take you in life.

Rowsie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11215

Rowsie,

Wow, I must say I am very impressed by how well you are able to articulate your feelings and then counter act them with your positive actions. You are certainly right to be proud of yourself. It takes a lot to try to reconnect with your friend. Remember to remind yourself and her that it was your depression that made you and not your wants and needs that made you pull away from her. This is very common in depression and you are doing the right thing to try to fight past it by reaching out to her. I hope she is able to understand and if not I hope at least you are able to understand and let go of the guilt.

Regardless of the outcome, what do you want to take away from this experience?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Wow. I feel weird. My depression made me withdraw from all my friends. I didn't answer phone calls or return any messages to anyone. I made myself a little hole within my immediate family and no one was allowed in. A minute ago, I sent off an email to one of my best friends. I explained why I have been pushing her away for over a year and asked her to forgive me. If she does, I asked her if we could email each other once a week so that I can be apart of her life once again. I feel so guilty that I don't have a clue what's going on in her life. It's the first behaviour experiment that I have done and I am very anxious. I will be devasted if she rejects me but I will understand.

Right now, I am feeling embarrased, guilty, anxious and sad (for the loss my depression has given me.) But at the same time, I am proud that I had the courage to confront my negative thoughts and feelings about getting in touch again. I have taken a huge step today and I like that.

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