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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Thanks you guys. I am grateful to my boss for another week. Furgittit, what the heck is it about bed that makes it almost impossible to get out of??? I was lying there this morning all wrapped up with the rain falling outside and realized that I felt safe there. Kind of womb-ish our beds are. Where if we close our eyes, we can float off for just a bit.

It's my depression that wants to anchor me there because it does feel so safe. I've allowed myself a bit of bed wallowing to be sure, and I think I needed it. But since I've been allowed another week off, I'm putting myself on a sleep regimine that will allow me to wake up as comfortably as possible next Wednesday when I have to go back. And I do have to go back.

And Josie, I promise that I will have that walk with my sons by the end of the week. I live in the woods on a creek and the waterfall up the way is at full force. I've been wanting to see it.

Deb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

cvdeb,

Wow, I know where you are coming from, I love my job, I love my work, but every morning I have to fight my body and my mind just to get out of bed and make it in to work. I usually make it, but there have been numerous occassions when I haven't been able to move from my bed due to anxiety and lack of desire to go on.

Hang in there and know that you will be able to persevere. It is great that your bossess understand, mine do to which helps.

Take care cvdeb

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

cvdeb,

Thanks for sharing and know that journaling does help. Putting things on paper can give us a different perspective and help pinpoint areas to work on. Use the program to help you continue through and progress. Taking it one day at a time can also assist you. Having the time to do this is a great gift from your bosses and this is great encouragement.

Take the time to walk with your sons, just for the heck of it!

A nature walk can clear the mind and help the soul!

Josie, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 102

Hi again :)

So I'm scheduled to go back to work tomorrow........... and I literally can't. I think I've covered a diameter of about 10 feet since I woke up this morning. I can barely move. Just sitting and staring at things. Can't make any decisions or concentrate. I couldn't figure out what to eat for breakfast or lunch (nor do I have the energy to make it) so I just skipped that. It's a bad day. I can't make myself do anything except read posts and write.

I'm working 2 jobs (56 hours a week), and am a single mom (I have a 5 year-old son, and my 20 year-old son is home for the semester). My mom and dad are around, but getting up there in age so I really don't have any help there. My oldest son is ill with some mystery diagnosis so we have been running around to lots of specialists the past 3 months and are no closer to a diagnosis.

But I'm worried about this work thing. I actually love both of my jobs and generally speaking, am really on top of it at work. I work for myself at one job, so just had to find a sub (which I did), and talked to my supervisor at my other job who has been incredibly understanding. So I'm lucky-- I have a job in this terrible economy, and a fantastic boss. I guess I'm feeling guilty and a bit worthless. I was reading one of Diva's posts about the whole work thing and our self-value. And about longing to be "normal."

So I've managed to get another week to focus on my recovery but I feel a lot of pressure (self-induced) to get my act together so I can get back to work (I really need the income).

I feel like I'm standing on a deserted island and I can see the other shore where I need to get to, but I'm just not sure how. I think that starting session 2 will help a lot, and that was my goal for today. So far I haven't been able to do it. I'm hoping I can whip up some energy this afternoon. I know eating, excercising, sleeping welll-- I know all of that will help. It's getting the energy to do it that I'm finding hard. My body and mind are not complying with my supreme royal orders!

Traitors.

Thanks for listening. I have a very important date to go stare at my walls again and I'm running late.

ha ha

deb

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