Blaming Blaming is what happens when you try hard to convince yourself and the other person that the problem is the other person’s fault. Unless you’re trapped in an abusive relationship, start with the assumption that you’re 50% responsible for the problem and the other person is 50% responsible.
Self-Blame When depressed people have a problem in a relationship they often believe that the problem is entirely their fault. Instead of trying to solve the problem in the relationship they spend a lot of time thinking about what a terrible, miserable and rotten person they are. As you might guess, instead of getting the problem solved, such thinking can lead to a downward spiral of depression. Possible solutions to this problem include using thought records to challenge your self-blame and problem solving techniques to think about the relationship.
When have you caught yourself using these problems in communication? What was the impact?
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