Amongst my particular collection of hangups and loveable (?!) quirks is a grownup sized dose of SAD - Social Anxiety Disorder. So I'd say I go in for this mind reading to an excessive, indeed obsessive, degree. In any social situation, I feel constantly that I am being watched, judged, wondered about, silently criticised, deliberately mocked in thought and deed. So my aim in any social interaction, if I am unable to get away, is to be as insignificant and invisible as possible, so I won't be noticed and thought about. To be at a distance and to give out a vibe that warns people off from approaching me.
Thank you for this post. I found it interesting and it made me stop and think a moment. I realize I do tend to mind read a lot of the time. I have, for example, assumed that others think of me as pathetic and not belonging, when in fact it is me who thinks that of myself. Sometimes, I often feel so transparent that what I am thinking/feeling may appear to me as also being thought or felt by others. I don't really know how to explain it. I hope this makes sense. I guess I just mean that whatever negatives I feel about myself, I assume others are seeing right through me and thinking negatively of me as well. It is a good point you made and definitely has opened my eyes to the fact that others are not always thinking what I assume. My thoughts are my own and I cannot confuse them with other's thoughts.
Mind reading is what happens when you assume that you know what another person is thinking and feeling. Mind reading is often a problem in long-term relationships because after we get to know another person really well, we can start to fool ourselves into thinking that we know what they’re thinking and how they’re feeling. Mind reading can become a big problem because when you mind read you’re assuming that you know what another person is feeling and thinking when you do not. As you can imagine, this can be a big problem in depression because depressed people tend to see the worst in situations and assume the worst from others.
When people feel that their needs are not being met in a relationship, they start to assume that the other person is only looking after their own needs and is generally unhappy in the relationship. If you’re mind reading in this way it makes it hard to see any communication as being positive because you can always imagine that the other person is only trying to get what they want (try a Thought Record on that one!). Mind reading is usually a mistake. An important part of being assertive is being able to ask for clarification and feedback about what other people are thinking and feeling, as well as what they want and need.
When in doubt about what somebody is thinking or feeling, ask! Mind reading is bad for your health!
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