This is my first posting for myself.
I began having panic attacks around the holidays. They were mild with my only symptom being a feeling of faintness. Then, on Christmas Eve, I went out for a run and felt like I was going to pass out. I could not shake the feeling and walked back home (actually the condo where we were staying) after a few attempts to go on with my run. I didn't tell my family for fear of alarming them. We were up in the mountains, and I assumed that it had to do with the altitude.
For the next few days, I could not shake the feeling that I was going to pass out. Still out-of-town for the holidays, I eventually had my wife and sister drive me to the emergency room. There, they checked my blood pressure which was very high and gave me an EKG and CAT scan for my head. They came back normal, so they gave me some Atavan. Once the tranquilizer took effect, they took my blood pressure again, and it was normal. For the next couple of days, I was worried but ok. Then it was time to come home.
On the flight, I felt a little strange but concentrated on closing my eyes and listening to my iPod. When we got home, I took a nap, and when I awoke, I had the worst panic attack. I felt nervous, my mind was racing with thousands of thoughts (like slides being projected on a screen in rapid progression), I thought that I was going insane, and my heart was palpitating. The next day, I went to my doctor who told me that it was probably panic but that I could have a "bad heart" because my cholesterol had been high, and I had not taken meds for it. He gave me a referral to a cardiologist and some Clonazepam. Incidentally, I have never taken any of the Clonazepam because I was afraid of the side effects and of becoming addicted.
Anyway, for the next few weeks, I waited to see the cardiologist, get a series of tests, etc. It was during this time that I quickly became agoraphobic. The doctor's words about possibly having a bad heart haunted me. I did not go to work, gorcery store, restaurants, friends' houses, stopped driving, and even needed my wife to stay home with me. I was even afraid to have sex.
I read and bought some stuff on the internet and learned about anxiety/panic and that I did not need to fear the symptoms. I forced myself to go back to work because I did not want to lose my job. At the time, I didn't know that I was doing exposure work. Step by scary step, I began reclaiming my life...going to work, client meetings, driving, restaurants, etc. I can now function in these settings with little fear or where I continue with my tasks so that the fear is of no consequence. At first, it was incredibly scary going back to these settings and even left a few meetings early because I felt like I was going to pass out.
Going back to the medical tests, the cardiologist cleared me after expensive tests. However, I started hyperventilating during a stress test (my hear rate was normal), so he referred me to a pulmonologist. Since then, he has cleared me too (except for the possibility of exercise-induced asthma which has not surfaced). So, basically, I am physically healthy but suffer from anxiety.
My life is largely back to normal at work. However, I still avoid exercise. This has been very tough for me because I enjoy(ed) training for and running marathons, triathlons, and long bike rides. Now, I have to force myself to try a 2 mile run, and I am exhausted afterward. I have created and recently started an exposure plan for exercise. It is very hard to see my friends continue with their athletic goals and to be sidelined by my own fear. My avoidance occurs largely from my fear of passing out, or of being too tired to do anything afterwards (this is why I don'e exercise in the mornings before work).
I also begin to feel faint in large crowds or if it is hot outside. This has me a bit worried since I booked a trip to Disneyworld for my family in June. It is not fair to them that my condition should keep them from having fun. Nonetheless, I am dreading this trip but will force myself to do it. I would appreciate any tips that any of you may have.
If I can offer any tips, it's to stick with it despite the setbacks. I've gome from severe agoraphobia to being back at work, driving, shopping, going to the mall, enjoying marital relations, and overall being more optimistic without any meds (unless you count multi-vitamins and magnesium). Exposure works and seems to be the only thing that does. The hardest part is starting out.
Anyway, my goal is to go back to running marathons and doing triathlons. Tomorrow, I will have another milestone since developing anxiety: my first business trip away from home alone.
