I figure that during a lifetime a person goes down a number of roads they don't want to. So it means starting over again or at best finding some good in where you are. This is why we say here the past is only for the experience and lesson, not to be lived in. It is hard not to since a person tends to replay mistakes over and over, usually making them worse than they were. It starts out as a survival thing. A lesson and that would be fine if we left it at that. Also the mind plays different versions so it can become worse than it was or not even true in worst cases. A person can think something about themselves so hard that it becomes true. They can think someone else thinks something about them even if it is not true. This is not a disease, just a random replaying of all the possibilities on a thought. This is why people see things differently. Add to this trauma which blocks memory and something can be very far from true. Or just a little bit, giving it different meaning.
Anger slows down the thought process leaving a person with only half the information or less to work with. So a person says things that they don't mean, and things that aren't even related. Anything to get relief from the anger. Often if not always being sorry after. But anger is necessary to relieve tension. Carrying anger with you is not good. Taking it out on someone else is not good.
The answer for me is to go somewhere quiet and do something mindless while I look at the reasons I am angry. I like to see if there is justification for my anger. Some times there is, sometimes I'm just tired, and sometimes I don't have the whole picture. This last one is bad. Especially if it involves someone else.
I once carried anger for many years because some one made me look like a fool. It coloured my future and left me with a false picture of people. (only partially false) It happened twice more before I realized it was not my fault. It probably happened more than that but is not remembered for some reason. The thing is that I should have let it go and chalked it up to experience. Instead it built a core belief that I built more on top of.
And these core beliefs are still messing up my life even though I know what they are and how to deal with them. Something that has been in my memory most of my life is very hard to get rid of. But this is a wrong road I'm on and I have to get off it. There are only two ways to do this. One is to step off it and start over, the other much better one is to backtrack changing what I can and hopefully it will be enough because just stepping off means I could and will at some time step back on.
There are anger management courses but they will do no good if all they do is teach a person that they have anger. Group therapy is only temporary if all it does is let it out. In this case it is little better than a pill. The reason for the anger has to be dealt with. (not with a weapon in a class room either) The past can not be changed, but the memory of it can. This a person can do. The longer it has been there the longer it will take to change it. If it was very bad it can become PTSD in which case we are into a whole different way of dealing with it since this is anger with no apparent reason.
Personality disorders are like drowning. You tread water till you can't any more when all it takes is something to hang onto to keep you afloat.
Davit.
rohit, I think this fear and guilt is a core belief you have built that is controlling you. If so how will you change it?
