Well,

 

It looks like you and Shari have figured everything out Sunflower Painter.

 

Nice support Shari!

How are you feeling now Sunflower Painter?

 

Just remember the phone call is just a temporarily uncomfortable moment in time.  We've all had them.  The truth is, things have changed and you are unable to take the position, for personal reasons.  Or, due to unforeseen circumstances, you are no longer able to take the job.  Things change, everyone understands that. You don't owe anyone an explanation of what the personal reasons are.  So, you don't have to go into details which will make it more complicated.  Keep it short and simple and thank them for their time and you're good to go.  Just say what you feel comfortable saying without going into long explanations of why.  If they press you with a lot of questions (which they shouldn't) you can just say, I'm sorry, I have to go, and end the conversation.  The important thing is that you learned to not to repeat history.  Stick with your subbing and don't sign up for anything else.  You will be a lot happier and less stressed.  And, believe it or not.  If you say, "No." to somebody, they really don't think about it all day long.  They shrug it off and move on :)  I used to say, "Yes.", to everyone, to my own detriment.  I learned (after years) that it's better to be temporarily uncomfortable and say, No, than it is to say Yes and go through the agony of doing things you don't want to do.  Just so I never get caught off guard, I have standard sentences to say if someone asks me and I either am not sure about it, or I don't want to do it.  I just say, I'll check my calendar.  I'm not sure, I'll have to get back to you (but then you have to get back to them and say No :)  I'm sorry, my schedule is busy this week.  Don't offer, oh thanks, maybe next time, because you'll have to get out of it again later :)  Hope some of these tips help.  My daughter is amazing.  If she doesn't want to do something, she just says No and offers no excuse or reason why, she just can't do it and will say she just can't do it until they stop persisting with wanting to know why.  Her friends all know if she says No, she means No and they drop it.  This too shall pass.  You'll do great, and once you get finished with the call, you will feel great.  And, you will feel super that now you know yourself and will not get yourself into a similar situation again.  And, if you do, we all make mistakes, and you know how to take care of it, and move on.  

Shari

And, I'm so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you! I think I just need some more friends so I can bounce ideas off of them just like I did with you :)

 

Sometimes saying a problem out loud helps. I have decided to listen to myself and go for subbing. I already have one job offer! Its amazing :)

Thanks!

Sunflower

I thing you're great :)  I think it's easier for other people, on the outside of the situation, to look in and to see with clarity.  It's hard, when you're in the situation, to see out of it.  It is for me anyway :)  I think it's very normal and more than okay to want to work part time or sub.  There's nothing wrong with that.  I've been a stay at home Mom/housewife, for most of my 50 years and I'm going into the work force, like you, as well.  For me, I am only interested in part time, because the last thing I want to do is go full time, feel overwhelmed (which is also normal) and then lose my confidence, because it's too much for me.  It's just my opinion, but I feel that the panic is coming, because you think you should work full time, and your body is reacting, because you really want to do part time or sub.  It's not avoidance, it's what you want to do.  Do what's best for you and don't care what anyone else thinks :)  You're awesome!

Shari

I suppose I also just don't know myself very well. 

Sunflower

I've read your post a couple of times and it sounds like you are comfortable substituting or working part time. 

There are helpful coping skills regarding how we think.  In your Toolbox, under 2. Anxious Thoughts; review, Types of Negativity.

Shari

I am panicking because I am about to start a full time job on Tuesday and I feel as though I won't be able to cope. I don't want to work full time. I want to be home here and there so I can take care of my daughter, house and husband. I am so terrified. The job I got is at a daycare working with children which sounds nice but is very stressful. I have a very bad back and struggle to do the lifting for diapering. I wouldn't mind lifting infants but kids these days are nearly 4 and still not potty trained! The thing I most hate is that I don't have any confidence in my skills. I also am worried about the rotating shifts, they are all during the day but I hate change and rotating shifts will be hard on me, my daughter and husband.

I always get myself into trouble. I feel like I can cope so I sign up for things, apply for jobs and then when it comes down to it I panic. I feel like I want to call and say never mind. I don't want the job. I wish I could just be a substitute, sort of working part time being called in when needed. Then I could say no if my daughter is sick, off school or if I am not feeling good.

I am not reliable. I know this. I have called in sick in the past here and there due to my back issues, sickness and when my daughter is sick. She is 11 and seems to get sick a lot. Usually once a month she is at home for a day.

I really don't know what to do because I recognize that working full time would mean that we could take trips, buy stuff etc. I need to work at least part time in order to help with bills etc.

I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could just go out and do it but here I am full of panic and anxiety, constantly worrying and nearly throwing up.

Help!

Sunflower.