Debora,
Sending you a huge hug from Maine. You have nothing to be ashamed of - you were brave enough to walk 5 minutes in the hot sun. That took a whole lot of courage. I don't know if you had an opportunity to read Samantha's post and the others who were writing about Fear Goggles. We all find ourselves wearing them - Here is a quote:
Fear Goggles:
When people are anxious or afraid they tend to only see things that confirm their anxious thoughts and not pay any attention to information that challenges their anxious thoughts. For example, people who are afraid of flying pay more attention to information about plane crashes than to information about how much safer flying is than driving a car or walking across the street....
When you have “fear goggles” on it’s hard to see information that doesn’t confirm your fear and you are more likely to jump to conclusions.
I remember that last night you had a moment where the pain was going away and you were starting to feel less anxious about your situation. It's important to try to remember how you felt then because it was such a good moment for you. I had some dizzy moments today (stress at work) and my lump in my throat returned. I went for a little walk to empty my head of anxious thoughts. Then I tried to remember a time when I was at peace. I find it impossible to do relaxation exercises when I am really nervous - but it does help me to have something to remember - to think about how I felt when I was at peace - when my mind goes back to that place - my body slowly follows.
Does that ever work for you, Debora?
Sending prayers and peaceful thoughts, Debora. You'll be okay. I just know it. As you probably guessed, I am someone who worries about the future - but I know that you are strong and have it in you to free yourself from all of your anxious thoughts.
I hope you are able to get some rest tonight and maybe think of one little thing you can do for yourself to bring yourself a little joy and nurturing. You deserve lots of it!
Best,
Carmie