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Challenging Negative Thoughts

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hi museluver

My Dad died over thirty years ago and I still miss him. It must be worse for you as time does reduce the pain. I lost a friend to Cancer. I barely knew him but still it hurts. I think you are handling this well. We are here for you.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Hi Muselover,

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I had to take a few moments to really digest what you said and to contemplate what you might be feeling - I can't say I will be able to fully know what you are going through. I hope just knowing you are not alone in this gives some comfort.

You are so strong for acknowledging these feelings and wanting to address them. Grief is such a complicated process and it is not linear like you would expect. If you would benefit from grief counselling I encourage, even push you to do so. In today's society we spend so much time and money on things that do not fulfill us or actually help us to grow or heal. Give yourself this gift. If you want to heal then go find what you need to do so. You deserve this.

In the mean time, write. You say the card wasn't big enough, so write it in a note book, a blog, in a post, where ever; just get out what you want to say. Read what you write and ask yourself open ended questions. What do I need? What do I need to hold on to? What do I need to let go of? How can I do this? What am I feeling? What is making me feel this way? Etc., Etc.

Let us know what you decide to do.

Take care,

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Muselover,
I think you are a very strong and brave person. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you will be able to find peace and solutions really soon.

Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

I have just come from visiting my father's grave, I was very anxious last night & this morning. I had to collect the flowers for his grave before I went which led to me breaking down in the store as I had a card to write on to put on his wreath, such a small card & I had so much I wanted to say to him. Going to cemetery's has always been hard for me, but this is especially hard as my father is buried with my husband's ashes and next to my nephews grave. I took flowers and cards for all three of them.

My Mother & siblings seemed fine, maybe inside they were feeling the same way as I was. I would love to one day be able to think of my husband, father & nephew without crying. I didn't have any grief counseling when my husband died & feel I have a lot buried inside of me that needs released.

I can think of them & smile when I think of fond memories but when I'm extra tired or stressed my anxiety is acute & my feelings are raw. I can address this now as I know what is causing my anxiety & can prepare myself for the next anniversary.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Muselover..

Correction to my previous post it has been 5 years since my mother passed, 8 years since my husband passed and 20 years since my father passed..Sometimes is seems like yesterday..

My heart goes out to you today..

Red...

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hello muselover,

Sending a big cyber hug your way today...Ashley's idea of a grief group just might help..I attended grief groups for almost two years after my husband passed and they helped a lot..I never went to grief group after my mother passed or my father..For some reason the lose of my father and than my husband seems to be the hardest for me..There were lots of people in the grief group I attended that had cumulative grief to get through..meaning they had lost several members of their family over a ten year period and were just now starting to feel the affects of these loses..We had one women who stopped by the drop in group 7 years after her loss, She had been coming to the drop in group off and on over the years..When she told her story to us I wondered how long my grief would last..It has been eleven years now and I still get waves of grief. It has changed over the years and the pain has lessened..One thing I have learned is that it takes time and everyones grief is unique to them..I have thought about stopping by the drop in group..There are many who do...It is a safe place to talk about your feeling with others that do understand how you feel..Hospice has trained grief counselors leading the groups and they handed out information on the stages of grief every week at our meeting..We could discuss the topic handed out that night, if we felt comfortable doing so in the group..I invited other members out for coffee after group and some of us would go for coffee together..and just talk..
I don't know if this is something you would like to do but I wanted to give you this information and let you know what helped me as it relates to my grief..

Take care...

Red..

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Hi Muselover,

First of all, know that set backs are common and actually part of the healing process. Do not look at this time as regression but as a time to continue to grow and learn. Set backs are actually quite helpful in letting us identify areas where we still need some work. In regards to working on the program only you know what is right for you and what you are ready for.

It sounds like you already pin pointed your trigger, remembering grief and all the feelings that go along with it. Having someone to talk to, in my opinion, is hugely important to overall well being. If you need to go to a grief support group online or in person, see a counsellor, meet knew friends, reach out to old ones, etc., I encourage you to do so. Eventhough you might not be able to find immediate relief now it's important to have social support systems in place for times like this. In the mean time have you thought about journalling or even talking to yourself? I know it may sound quite silly at first but it can actually be very therapeutic. You can write exactly how your feeling and even come up with questions to ask yourself. Taking the role of the speaker and listener can be awkward at first but who better to care for you than you? If nothing else, it might be worth a shot? Also, feel free to write as much as you like here. There is always someone reading; you are not alone in this.

Please let us know what you decide to do.

Sending a big cyber hug your way - wish I could be in person for you to talk to.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

For the past few days I have felt as if I have regressed in my therapy, I know it is just anxiety & panic that I am experiencing yet the doubt and negative thoughts have begun to set root in my head again. I have come so far, not had an SSRI for 5 months have had no withdrawal, after over 20 years on them.

It is the anniversary of my fathers death & that has got me thinking of my late husband, his anniversary isn't until may, I am feeling helpless. The person I know I can talk to about anything, my partner, I can't turn to as we are having problems in our relationship.

Do I go back onto the medication, or do I tell myself to buck up, look how far I've come & continue with this program.

I have no-one to confide in, as I have avoided for so many years. Anyone have any ideas?

I am trying to think positive thoughts, but I can't think of anything

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi,

This past week is the first time that I have had an illness since starting this program. It's been rough. I think that my negative thoughts are coming from fear of the unknown and not understanding what my body has been going through.

It was really helpful to understand that a lot of my symptoms were coming from anxiety and not from my illness.

I will say that these 10 questions have come in handy a lot this week - thank you for posting this so that others may see them.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

In your quest to track your negative thoughts, you may have had trouble challenging them and you may now be wondering how to challenge them.

The following 10 questions will help you to challenge any negative thought. When you have a negative thought, try to answer these 10 questions:

1. What’s the evidence that the thought is true?

2. What’s the evidence that the thought is not true?

3. What is the worst possible thing that could happen and how would you cope if it did happen?

4. What’s the best possible thing that could happen?

5. What would most likely happen and how would you cope if that happened?

6. What’s another way of thinking about this situation? What else could be going on?

7. What would you tell a friend of yours if they were in this situation and had the same negative thought?

8. What’s the effect of believing the negative thought?

9. What would happen if you didn’t believe the negative thought?

10. What are some alternative thoughts in this situation?

Today we encourage you to look at your tracking results and share what patterns you have identified.

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Challenging Negative Thoughts