I presume you mean mentally. So we can rule out my first real date. ( I want to forget it anyway)
You would think maybe it would be all the anxiety being in the hospital in intense pain trying to find a way to kill myself. No it was bad but it was not the worst. Nor was going to the psych ward voluntarily for a rest. Nor was it all the agoraphobia I had to overcome. And I was never in the situation Sunny was because I have no trouble saying no. Not even my codependent brother that made my life miserable. The worst day of my life was really a year or more of them because they were the same. Every night I would wake up with a full blown panic attack wishing I could die but not wanting to. They were the worst because even though I knew what the triggers were. I did not understand why they happened. A year ago I could not talk about this. Now I know the five Ws and they are gone. No more panic attacks, no anxiety that is not normal. No more suicidal thoughts. And a far better tolerance for pain. To give you an idea how well I have been able to bury those days, I have to work really hard to remember them as they were. I can remember them being very bad but it is very hard to get through all the positive thought to actually examine them. They are not gone, just not accessible.
Hi Josie: hahahaha, which one? Of course we all have more than one. One which stands out in my mind, which I still remember is public speaking. I was a rather shy student, but I won the public speaking contest in my class. All I wanted to do was get it over with and never have to do it again. I can do that very well, just do it. However, my teacher liked it so much he put me in another contest which I did not want to do. I was too shy to say no, didn't know how to say no to an authority figure and felt pushed into it. The evening of the big contest - students of all ages, etc. - the mayor was there, my parents, I was totally miserable. Finally my turn came and up on stage I went. Well, I forgot a lot of my speech, hadn't written down anything, no cue cards, nothing. The next day in class my teacher just said, in front of everyone, "what happened to you?!" regarding the contest. I sat down at my desk and felt such a failure. Oh, and the topic was "Is Life Worth Living"?
It’s been a while since you were active on this site. Please extend your session below
You have been logged out due to inactivity.
Please sign back in.
We use cookies to help us learn about how our platform is used and how we can improve your experience. To
learn more please see our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
