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Talking to Friends and Family

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

You're welcome Debi

Sunny

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 152

Thanks Sunny 123 this also puts some things in perspective for me, i tend to take on to much of other peoples crap also

Debi :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi m: Glad you liked it! When it was first given to me, it clarified things for me too. I read it every once in awhile to remind myself of exactly, who owns what. :) I just severed ties to a girlfriend who is rather codependent. This was not done lightly because I don't want to hurt anyone. It is not easy to do. We have gone through it 4 times now and I think this will be the last time. Reading how her negativity and other emotional problems with relationships belongs to her, not me, is helping me remain steadfast in my decision.

your friend, Sunny

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Thanks for the help Sunny... and for sharing this in the first place. It really does help clarify a lot of confusion. Printed out and on my bulletin board!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi m: Click on "search messages" and type in "Who Owns What" - messages from the last year, it should pop up on the top under negative feelings I think, then click on it and scroll down 'til you find my post of that date.

Good luck, hope it works for you,

Sunny

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Sunny... how do I get to the post you are talking about? I've tried several searches, but obviously not the correct one. Help?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

This is a really great thread! It reminds me of words of wisdom that were once given to me: you don't have to understand it, but accept it. That rang true for me, and it would be good if that was the place from which our loved ones started in their support.

It's great to hear that this community is helpful and maybe filling the gaps of support, sharing, and understanding in your lives! You all deserve so much of that!

Tiana, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi everyone: This reminds me of something I posted awhile back titled "WHO OWNS WHAT". I got that when I was in CBT group a few yrs. ago. If you want to read it, go to my post of June 17, 2010 (9:04 a.m.)

It speaks quite well about feelings, reactions and support.

Your friend, Sunny

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

This is a really important topic and something I have struggled with. Davit, not surprisingly, has provided some excellent and helpful insight that I found helpful.

I will add that when people don't know how to be supportive, it sure would be nice if they took some time to learn. But I understand not everyone wants to do that and as Davit wisely says, this is basically due to their own limitations. It has nothing to do with me if they don't want to learn how to be supportive. Everyone has limitations.

If everyone in your life is "too busy" to show compassion, that can be a big problem. That is why this forum is so important.

It can be hard sometimes to find people who are compassionate but they are out there and you don't necessarily need to tell them what you are struggling with to experience support from them..

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

They have no knowledge or understanding. It does not mean they don't love you.

For me, this is the most powerful thing I've learned from this thread... they don't know, they can't know, but they still love us. I think this will help me be more understanding of them and kinder to all of us in my thoughts.

I love the idea of suggesting a cup of tea for something that would be helpful for a family member to do. They get scared and unsure (underneath the anger) and just want everything to be fixed right now. Making a cup of tea is very therapeutic for everyone.

I forgot about that. Thanks for the reminder Juanita

I'm also understanding what Maggie is saying because I too have learned not to tell people what I'm dealing with. It is safer that way but it does get pretty lonely. I would like to be able to share a little bit more with my husband (sharing a cup of tea, of course!) because otherwise I just close myself off too much and that doesn't help our relationship at all.

I guess it's all about balance. I am grateful for Evolution Health providing this forum where we can meet with people who do know and understand. People who have learned to apply the CBT techniques and have stayed to show the rest of us the way to success too. What a terrific help and "balancer" this place has become for me.

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Talking to Friends and Family