Thank you, I feel really humbled at how kind you all are. I've tried to give myself that "break" the past couple of nights, and it's definitely helped me sleep more. I noticed at one point while I was trying to sleep on Friday night that the queasy feeling in my stomach was really hunger, and once I ate a little bit, I felt much more relaxed and was able to fall asleep, even if just for a few hours. It's the little victories, I suppose. I do feel more optimistic, like this will pass eventually, but it is still difficult to get rid of the nagging feeling that I am at odds with myself. I do believe everything will be okay overall, but I still get lost in invasive thought patterns. I wind up "checking" for the panic feeling (which is often why I jerk myself awake) and then I'm in the thick of it. On another positive note, I have an appointment this week with a psychologist. I'm not sure what the approach will be, I am definitely concerned/nervous about the possibility of needing meds, but I want to remain open to whatever opportunities I have to work through this.
I was dealt a little bit of a blow Friday, when I found bed bugs in my bed and sofa. I spent the weekend getting rid of both pieces of furniture, and I've spent the past couple of nights sleeping on an air mattress. I have to say, it's a little difficult to keep this from being an excuse to be anxious. I haven't had a full blown panic attack since I found them, which I am so happy about, but I do find that I am feeling sorry for myself, and that makes me steadily anxious. This isn't exactly information that brings people closer together. I'm adjusting as best as I can, I guess. Funnily enough, I'm so much more worried about getting sleep than I am about this actual problem that it makes me laugh at myself a little.
I so appreciate your positive thoughts, they are always helpful. Have a good week, everyone. I'll be doing my best to let myself be.