Here is where I open myself up for the good of all of us. It is a bit embarrassing but because it is I have shoved it off to the side and let it set its hooks in and influence my life.
So here comes the example. When I was around three or four I went to a birthday party with my brother, I had never been to one before and got excited and blurted out something (I can't remember exactly what) Every body yelled at me "you shouldn't have done that" I didn't know at that age to shrug it off and say oh OK. Instead I cried and ran home. At this point it was fixable. But instead of My mother taking me back and explaining she let me stay home. So now I thought people didn't like me and my mothers acceptance only reinforced it. Since I was less than seven years that point when you can reason things out it became a core belief. There was no reason to believe it I just did. Now my brother being older and not wanting his little brother tagging along there were lots of examples to build on this belief. During my school years this belief should have been reversed but it was so deeply set it couldn't. Most of these false beliefs we manage to change as we grow up. I see children that come from well adjusted happy loving families that will never have this happen.
This is negative core belief and I have to change me and how I perceive it not the core belief itself because it is only a fact. I have to change me and how I use the fact. I have to change my belief in the core belief. Getting a bit confusing here. But it is not the core belief that is the problem it is whether you believe it or not. If you do not accept it and replace it with one more appropriate it will fade away.
Don't beat yourself up about this. Working on identifying those negative core beliefs is a process that takes time and lots of reflecting. Do your best to be patient with yourself. The actual number of core beliefs varies from person to person. Identify the events linked to the start of your anxiety, sadness or depression. Now that you have uncovered moments of your past one thing you can
look for is a match between what happened in that situation and what
your specific assumptions and core beliefs are.
However, remember that no matter who you are, it’s important to look at
both your needs in relationships and your needs for success &
enjoyment in other parts of your life.
Examine your childhood experiences:
In general, the strongest core beliefs and assumptions develop earliest
in life from interactions with parents and other caregivers. They also
develop more from interactions with school peers and friends. Your
history of adolescent and adult romantic relationships is also something
you should consider because they could contribute to the development of
some of your beliefs about yourself and others.
Keep working hard and asking questions!
Members, what tips do you have for identifying those negative core beliefs?
I think my brain just can't absorb anymore information or something. I'm working on neg. core beliefs and have written down what my parents were like and also what I belief about myself, others, the world, the future. I don't know what to do with the information, how do I find the core beliefs in that? If people could give me examples, they don't have to be specifically yours, but in general examples, maybe I can figure this out. And, how many core beliefs can a person have? I just need a jump start. Thanks for all the help once again. Hope this makes sense, I'm feeling kind of fuzzy from info. overload.
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