EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Anxiety
Goal Setting and Exposure Planning
Situations We Can´t Control

Advanced Search Form

Situations We Can´t Control

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi Davit,

Thanks for your reply, and no, not for that long, but I have been alone for shorter periods and when I think back I used alot of what Samatha said...I broke the time up in segments in my mind, and tried to accomplish something...even if it was just reading a book, or finishing a crossword puzzle. At least I have a job, and have met some people out here, and ofcourse this Group! Yes, in regard to who is more selfish..thats tough to answer isn't it? In any relationship there has to be give and take....we talk about everything, but don't always agree. And that's ok.

How did your therapist go? I'm assuming since you are replying here she said it was ok?

As for your new relationship... it was left open-ended? Missing her means to me that you really care, so I hope it works out well for you. But like you said...what will be will be.

Cleo

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Cleo.

I'm not sure who is the selfish one here. If the job in Afganistan is the only one then he has to go, if there is a choice then it is debatable who is selfish. Have you talked about your potential anxiety. This thing you have to do is a personal thing, but remember we are here to help you get through it. Have you ever been alone for that long before? Have you ever been alone at all and how did you cope? My friend went home and I miss her already, and I don't know if she will be back. I will have to do some coping and it may take more than just that.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi Everyone,

I too may be in need of some advice and suggestions on ways of coping soon. Hubby recently got promoted and he now says he may have to go to Afganistan in January for 6 months. Its not 100% yet, but already the worry starts. And worse yet..he wants to go.. the job over there is something very important to him...I feel selfish for not wanting him to go, because it is more than just the normal worries from a wife about her husband in a war-torn country ( that worries me too)...its about me and my worry that I won't be able to cope. That my anxiety will drive me crazy, so I think I know what you're feeling, Elusivebreath. ...good luck with it

Cleo

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5

Is your anxiety about her safety being away from you, or does the anxiety come from you having being alone without her? Instead of thinking about the time leading up to her departure as time you can spend thinking of ways to stop it, maybe you can try thinking of it as time you can spend preparing for it.

I completely understand that 'being thrown into the deep end' feeling. My agoraphobia was at a level that at one point I didn't leave my house for 2 years. There was one point that I got very sick with a very high fever. I had to go to the Dr, I had no choice. It was terrifying because I had no time to prepare for it, there were no baby steps or easing me into it. My husband packed me up into the car and off we went. My anxiety was a 10 and I thought for sure (I "knew") that I wasn't going to make it. Of course, the fear slowly subsided and I did make it through (like I always do). And at the hospital I eventually came around to feeling somewhat normal.

Maybe before she leaves for Canada you could try some exposure work with it. Have her leave for a half a day or whatever causes you the appropriate level of anxiety. Maybe try it several times before she goes. That way when she does leave you're not completely unprepared.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hi elusivebreath,

Thank you for sharing this with us, I can hear that you are worried about your daughter going to visit your mother. Begin to prepare yourself for the visit. Sunny makes some really great suggestions. Prepare a system ahead of time, whether it be daily e-mails or phone calls, find something that is realistic and that will help make you feel more comfortable. I am sure that your daughter will miss you a lot as well and will look forward to these regular check-ins. It may help for you to break down the timeline of 5 weeks in your mind. Break it down into individual days or weeks instead of looking at the big picture. Set yourself goals for each week, and work on accomplishing these goals. This can be anything (a new hobby, a craft, a puzzle...etc). You can even put energy into making something for your daughter if you'd like to surprise her when she returns (paint her bedroom, get her a new piece of furniture..etc). The program also offers a few sections that will help you with this situation. Read through the 'worry' section and start practicing relaxation techniques to help you manage your level of anxiety and stress. As always, remember that we are here for you, post often, ask questions, check in lots!

Members, what suggestions do you have for dealing with similar situations?

Samantha, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Good morning elusive breath: Yea, I hear you. It is stressful when kids leave the nest even if it is just a long visit. however, it is to your mom's house. Do you trust your mom? Is her house going to be filled with love and appreciation for your daughter, her granddaughter? Sounds like yes, by your post. You don't mind her being there, it's only your anxiety that she is far away which bothers you. Can you try to think about all the good things about this trip instead of the negatives? Such as, how wonderful this will be for the both of them, the opportunity for your daughter to experience some independence and new things. Make a list of all the good things which your mom and daughter will share and keep that list close by to read whenever you feel anxious. Remember what this is about.

If your mom has e-mail, perhaps you could arrange with your daughter to e-mail you on a regular basis so you will still feel in touch. Perhaps when you feel the anxiety mounting, you could e-mail a message. Maybe you can use the time she is away on something which interests you - do you want to learn something new? Can you plan some interesting activities (talk to your bf about this and lean on her for awhile) to occupy yourself with while she is away? I'm sure you want your daughter to have a wonderful time.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Just when I think I'm making strides, something happens that seems to knock the wind out of me. In this case, it's my daughter. I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but my kids being away from me is something I really struggle with. The further away and the longer they are gone, the worse it is. During their lives this has not been a huge issue, since most everyone we know is nearby, but several years ago my mother moved back to Canada (the east coast, while we are in California, so quite a distance). She has wanted my older daughter to come out and see her for awhile but I have always managed to put it off - just THINKING about it is a 7 or 8 on my anxiety scale. Well, this year the trip is coming to pass and there doesn't seem to be any way for me to stop it. My daughter is 18 and is really excited about going, so I don't really WANT to stop it, since I have no objection to her going except for the fear that it causes me, which I understand is completely not fair to her. However, the closer we get to the day she leaves, the harder it is. She's going to be gone for 5 weeks and I'm TERRIFIED. I have never had to do anything that had such a high level of anxiety for such a prolonged period of time, I just don't see how I will get through it. Especially having to work and function ... I honestly have never faced anything like this in my entire 14 years of having agoraphobia, I have always been able to get out of most anxiety provoking situation (probably why I still have it!!). Any advice for me on how to handle this? It's hard for me to believe that I'm going to get through it, and my mind is still racing trying to find reasons for her not to go that won't make everyone hate me. I almost don't care if they hate me, because I am so terrified of this! Any ideas/advice would be appreciated. Has anyone else ever been thrown into a situation like this? With my exposure, I can at least control the level of anxiety and for how long I endure it, but this is like been thrown in the deep end of the ocean and being told to swim when you've never even been in the water before!

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

Situations We Can´t Control