Hey Sarah and CrabbyRoad,
Well I am glad I manage to discuss my issues without being too depressing lol! I have still taken my meds yesterday both the anxiety pills and sleeping pills. Now why does that bother me so much. I am not anti-meds so why do I have trouble taking my own meds and being ok with it? I struggle a lot with that.
As for hubby, we are in a truce. witch means I ignore all the things that bug me and just endevour to play and have fun with him. Nothing gets doen then though so I get more anxious. but at least we don't fight? The house is a mess though. This truces always take a toll well on everything responsible...A truce with my hubby involves not asking help for anything and just haging about vegging. Think I might sneak some laundry in while he is out. See I can't clean when he is home and just doing nothing. I find it humiliating. So I find it easier to clean when he is gone. Anyway, hubby and me are in a truce. BTW, I realize my marriage is totally disfunctional! Got councellor's tomorrow though so that is good. Especially cause atm I am really sad and discouraged on how to make this owrk. Sometimes I feel like I am married to a depressed video game addicted adolescent! Bleh! I don't have the energy to get us both back on track.But we have the councellors tomorrow!
As for the house, it is driving me crazy. It is beyond messy. It is DIRTY!!!! I hate it. Makes me want to just move and leave all behing but the cats! Makes me feel so overhwlemed and tired and anxious. But I figure room by room I will get this back under control. Tomorrow hubby goes to work. Maybe I will manage some housework.
My finances are still a horrid mess. Not sure how to fix it. Gonna bed my boss for more hours. If that fails, hmmm not sure yet but I will figure it out.
My school stuff is a mess. But I will start getting that under control Thursday as I have the day off and house to myself. I hope I get that sorted. I will.
Our car is gonna croak soon. We need a new one and have no cash. Am hoping begging the boss for more hours will solve that too.
I gained weight and have heartburn and that gives me chest pains and pains down my arm so now I feel bad. Want to get back to walking that usually helps! Wanna get back to eating better, that helps too!
Oh and I started losing my hair again. I had lost har before and it had stopped. Now I am losing it again. The perspective of becoming my families first woman with bald spots is not tempting. I can see thin spots now when I see my scalp through my hair that freaks me out.
Plus, well, sorry, warning you this will be too much info, but my breasts are bugging me. To the point of obsession. They are large and I can't help finding gravity has had a nasty effect on them. I have trouble finding bras that fit at a price I can afford. and even with a bra on I am unhappy with where they sit, I find them too low. I avoid mirrors or my reflection. I can't feel comfortable naked around my hubby. I feel uncomfortable naked alone with myself! I am having trouble dealing with this and this makes me depressed and full of angst. At least the weight I can do something about. This won't go away with proper eating and exercise! But I will maanage. Challenge my thought or something. Oh man, now I am crying, bleh!
I think my spression is making it hard for me to deal with all this crap I have in front of me. I feel anxious and I want to be proactive about thing. But I am tired and have little energy which means I can't get everything done that I would need to get done to feel less anxious.
But I will get it done, I will manage I always do. I am a survivor! And this is my new beginning.
) my boss for more hours. She was very nice but said she might not have anything for me till January 
!!! Bleh! But I will manage! I am stressed, we are broke, my hubby missed work yesterday and got sent home early today, our car is junk and we will need a new one, I won't have more cash till most likely January, Christmas is coming and all that but I will be ok! I am ok and I will be ok! 
