Hey jhori,
I hear you...
I'm the kind of person that likes everyone to like me, finds it difficult to say no, etc. all which prob contribute to the anxty.
I'm learning to be less concerned about what people think.
I like what you said:
"They see, some care, some think it's weird, but in the end, as long as I accept it, they seem to be generally really accepting as well. Well the cool ones do, the rest either brush it off like raindrops off a windshield and don't hold it against me, or are crazy themselves and hold anything they can against me."
Unfortunately, "the few that are crazy themselves" are the ones that affect my own emotions most--- I'm still working on that.
I don't have PA, just a lingering anxiety with IBS and insomnia, for 2yrs now, with recent fear and nervousness, last few days.
I had quit smoking 6 months before this all started, and feel like starting smoking again since I recall that to be calming (there is no medical reason for it except to combat nicotine withdrawal). It's probably the "smoke breaks" and the deep breathing from inhaling that might be the relaxation component.
I don't want to give up either.......
The worst part is, as you've phrased it,
"the same "confidence shaker" after effect."
2 yrs in this haze HAS taken it's toll in my confidence.
Thanks for voicing what I am experiencing, that makes me feel less alone!