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16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 341

HI DM, yes he feels like he is being attacked when I come accross with my side of the situation, thats exactly it. He is very good to me and we have a lovely home and such, and of course I care for him a lot, but what you say was like hitting the nail on the head. Most of the time its wonderful, but i've only been married 5 years now, and its very hard work. He never talks about work, I used to vent at home, so if he had a bad day, I guess he thinks its ok..but I dont believe he thinks its ok, cause usually afterwards he's all "hey sweetie". Thing is, this is what gets my anxiety up a lot, when I feel I did something wrong. I"m older than him, but I feel sometimes like a naughty little kid!!!I"m going to the gym this morning, and if he doesnt want to go and improve himself, its his loss.

I do need to get back to work to get some money for myself. I think i'll feel better if i'm paying my own way with my hobbies and some odd things around the house. I told him i'm only going to get part time for 3 days a week to start, and i'll probably just keep it that way. See how things go.

Thanks again for everyones input!!! i can always use suggestions:)

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Hi Minn...

As with everyone else I too agree that it is not ok for him to speak to you like that.

I have a great marriage... BUT we have worked very hard at it. It's not always easy but RESPECT is so important and right now he is not respecting you. Men like to fix things and "take care of business" so to speak and a lot of what you're going through he can't fix... and it probably frustrates him... Unfortunately he doesn't express this very well.. and comes across a bit angry. It sounds as though he does want good things for you.. the ability to drive or work... but because he can't understand it... he loses patience. Understandable... yes... acceptable?? Definately NOT.

You're in hard position because right now he is in the power seat.. he's in the city he's comfortable in... has his family around, his friends... etc. Will he go again to your psychologist?? Maybe a marriage counsellor ?... My sister is going to one now with her spouse and it's good to have someone who is not biased and able to offer ways of compromising so that both people are benefitting...and enjoying the relationship...

I know with my hubby if I get too emotional when I'm talking he thinks he's being attacked...lol.. It's just us women speak from the hearts and men more often are analytical.. cut and dry.. Their emotions don't guide their actions like ours do... I mean if you're hormonal like me my emotions can really mess with his head... I want one thing one day and the next it's not good enough.. LOL..

Hang in there Minn.. but know that you deserve to be treated well..... and don't settle for less...

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Your welcome Minn, that's what we're here for

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 341

Hi gals, Thanks for listening, I just wanted to vent, if he says something again, i'm going to say something back, and if he doesnt like it too bad!!! thanks for your posts.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hi Minn.,

Wow I agree with everyone else when they say: No it is no ok for him to treat you that way hun.

I echo CD in saying I wish I had good advice for you too. My marriage isn't so perfect these days lol I have little advice to give on that front! But you are in my thoughts and I wanted to let you know how much I empathise with your position. You gave up a lot and it looks like he doesn't acknowledge that. It also looks as if he needs to listen better. I am sorry to see you are having a tough time. Hang in there, we are all here for you.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Oh Min

No it dosnt give him the right hun . It sounds like he really needs to listen and it sounds like he didnt listen with the phycholist (sp ) . Trying to think of suggestions here , you say you live close to his family . Are you close to any of them who maybe could talk to him or will that make matters worse ? Wish i had some good sound advice for you .

Thinking of you CD x

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Minnesota,

No, it doesn't make it ok. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a bit of a rough time. Have you talked to your husband about the comments he makes? I understand that he wants you to go to work, but what do you want? Do you want to go back to work? You made a huge sacrifice by moving for him, maybe he doesn't see that, or always remember, so perhaps it would be helpful to remind him everything that you have done for him, just like he does so much for you.

Keep us posted,

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 341

HI everyone.

I feel frustrated today. Sometimes hubby can be a bit of a jerk, without knowing he is being one..(no offense to any guys in here). The other day he came home and I ran up and asked him how his day was etc, he said "fine". I just left him alone and went downstairs, and he says " dont leave the hose lying in the grass, it kills the grass". I just glared at him, and walked off. Later in the day, He says "did you watch a movie" I said yup..he says " well you left the machine on".. I just mumbled and walked off. and apologised to both things. The next morning, i said morning sweetie, he says "please dont flush the toilet while i'm in the shower"..not how are you or anything...

Yesterday we had the best day, shopping and having fun, and we went to the library and he saw where I go and stuff, when we got home..he says " if I continue with the gym, i'll join audible.com

" i looked at him and said " what do you mean if"?" he says " i'm trying" I said " you only have been twice". Then he says " you always go on and on and on." there is nothing to discuss, Just cause I went twice i'm not making any lifestyle changes. I usually call my mom and vent to her, but I dont like to worry her or burden her. When he says stuff like that, I almost get dizzy straight away.

The thing is I moved here, and uprooted my life in Toronto. I gave up everything there to be with him. He wants me to drive, he wants me to get a job, he wants me to do more things, but he wont make one lifestyle change for me. Sure his life changed by being married and we have a house and all, but he never really gave up anything. I thought maybe we'd go back to Toronto and live after a few years here, but he has flat out told me now, he'd never move there. !!! He said "feel free to go back there if you want, but i'm not going to live there". .His whole family live here, about 2 hours away. I've talked to him about his little comments and he says " i have an attitude problem when I get to talk or if I get frustrated". Most of the time I love being with him but sometimes I feel I may have made a mistake coming here. I know at times like this I miss my family so much, to call my mom and vent, but she has a lot of worries right now, as my sister is going thru a seperation.

I took him with to my psycologist(SP) and he said " I want her to go back to work and bla bla.." but he makes like he is so perfect. Sure he pays for lots of things I need, and drives me everywhere, but that doesnt make it ok, to be like that does it?

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