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What happened????

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

lol i knew what you meant Miki .

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Clarification!

I meant it's unfortunate that I have to learn it by having more attacks.. not that it doesn't kill me!!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Hello Jaci,

I am also very sorry for the loss of your father.

I think it's great that you have come back to this site. You've already started to do something! I feel that writing down your worries and replying to other's worries (even if it's easier to reply then to do them yourself ) you get a better understanding of yourself. Just like Dazedmommy, I find myself not doing the program on my bad days... I bet if I did the program and homework every single day, I would be closer to graduating my GAD.

I know how it is such a nasty feeling, right there in your gut that you just want to puke it out, when everything seems hopeless... but there's that pretty picture there in your head that you long for... just keep thinking of it and when you open your eyes one day, I believe, it will be right in front of you. I find it very helpful talking to someone about it, who will love me even if I am "crazy" and also writing it here and writing it in a journal. (I don't ever look back at what I wrote because it scares me!)

I do that guilt trip myself, but I try to remind myself that I am not that other person who has control over their anxiety yet. We all have our own set backs and people cannot understand everything about others, even themselves. We know we all want to be less of a "burden" for those who care. But they will care no matter what... and we just need to appreciate the love of that (although, unfortunately, it often turns to pressure to me. I am also my worst critic.)

Lately, I realize that the more anxiety and panic attacks I get, unfortunately, I learn that it's not going to kill me. I guess I am learning what my anxiety is and am getting used to it somewhat. As for the depression, I think about the small things that I really appreciate (beautiful songs, family, nature, love, the connection we have) and focus on that.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Jacki ,

I am very sorry for your loss as well .

I agree with Birdie from personal experience . I first started getting panic attacks two years ago after three family deaths , an aunt and uncle

within a week of each other both total shocks . Then a few months later my three old nephew who had been poorly all his life .

I eventually got rid of the panic attacks but never th anxiety , it did lessen .

Then bam again last December i had a misscarriage and lost my nan a week later . For that i thought i handled it great . Apparnetly not

because bam the panic attacks from hell started mid january . Along with lots of medical stuff going on with me .

now i intend to beat this , i have accepted that its going to take longer than i first thought .

I live day to day , and try each morning to be as postive as i can . I thank god that im part of this site , its the most amazing thing ever .

I believe that if we all help and encourage each other we will be one great united group .

Take care and post again when you fell you can , you are a brave lady . xx

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 101

Dear Jaci,

I'm very sorry for the loss of your father! I too find that maybe during a traumatic time I do ok, It's after that it seems to catch up to me. I think

sometimes we just have to face what is in front of us and it takes time to grieve. What we know as familiar isn't maybe familiar anymore

because something has definitely changed. That can bring on anxiety. But....it doesn't have to last!!!

I know what helps me is meditating on God's word, working this program, going to a support group and taking time to relax and just enjoy

the blessings of the moment!

I hope you find encouragement and hope here! And see that things can get better!

Birdie

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Hi Jaci

Well, you've definately been through some tough things over the past year. My condolences to you over your loss. I have yet to experience anything like that so I can't even imagine what it would begin to feel like. The unfortunate thing about growing up is our parents to do too..*sigh*

I can very much relate to your story. I too went through a long period with no anxiety etc. and then *bam* it was back.. I believe for me personally it had a lot to do with weaning our second baby.. but one can never know for sure. I like you too, also seem to handle things while they are happening and don't seem to have an issue with my anxiety / ocd in real times of crisis.. but come peace and calm in my life and my body just goes "haywire" lol...

Since your already talking to your doctor, your on the right path already. I personally cannot be off my meds. I have tried before but my body just does not produce enough seratonin to keep my "level" so the synthetic will have to do. It was my last alternative though, so if you're opposed to going back on them for the time being maybe you could try conselling. I know you mentioned the financial aspect, but I posted previously about Universities offering programs for free for anxiety sufferers. I'm not sure where you live so I can't really direct you but here in BC we have quite a few. I also have OCD issues..and I have just found a free support group for people like me. I haven't yet gone as my meds are back to working and my life has just fallen back into place (thankfully) but that is another option for you.

You are your own worse critic though and the guilt is an unfortunate part of this anxiety cycle.. Give yourself a break you have dealt with some major things in this past year and it sounds like your body is telling you it's time to slow down...... and take some time for you. The fear can be overwhelming.. (as we all can share many stories) but you are not alone. There are so many people like us, it just isn't always talked about. We're here to listen and share Jaci...

This site has been a "godsend" for me as I had been panic free / ocd free for almost 7 years... and then I had my setback.. and I'm doing great now.. Thanks to all the great listeners here.

As for the program it seems to work for so many on this site.. I hate to admit it but as soon as I start feeling better I stop working on it... I'm famous for it as I just go back to my "normal" life. This time though I'm finding a therapist to teach me about my OCD instead of just quieting the "voice" .. lol...

Keep checking in Jaci.. as this too shall pass.

Life is full of ups and downs and twists.. yours is just twisting right now.. you'll be around the bend soon.. no pun intended.. ha!!

Take care :)

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 28

I was doing so well. OK, maybe not so well. I haven't been to the site in over a year probably. I found out over a year ago that my dad had cancer and was dying. Had a really hard time with that at the beginning but talking to many of you here helped a great deal.

Well he passed away last October, and really I seemed to handled it like "normal" people would. Of course I was sad and depressed, but I never had that moment where I thought my world would end. And until now, I've been coping with everything really well.

Now, the same old fears are back and I don't even now what brought them on. I'd been talking to my doctor about maybe quitting my meds as I was doing so well. Now I'm back to being afraid. And my fear isn't about a specific thing. I'm just afraid!!!

Afraid of everything. Afraid to be alone, afraid to be with people, afraid to go out, afraid to go to work, afraid to talk to friends. And then the guilt sets in. I feel so guilty about my anxiety and what it does to the people I love. I spend hours apologizing.

And I have no idea where to go from here. The company I work for used to offer councelling for free, but we've changed unions and the new union doesn't offer the same services. Well I can't afford a councellor so I guess I have to do this on my own. Only problem is, I have no idea where to start.

I only made it to level 4 of the online program, and like I said before, I haven't been to the site in over a year. Is this enough??? How do I get past the fear and learn to deal with it as anxiety when I don't even know what sets it off?

I know it won't last forever, it never does. I've been dealing with this for over 6 years and I've had more good days than bad during that time. So I know it will get better. But how do I make it so this sort of set back doesn't happen ever again? When do you get to the point where you can say "I know this is just another panic attack"? And I'm assuming that along with that realization will come the knowledge that it will only last for minutes instead of days.

Please help!!!!!

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