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What happened????

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 101

Jaci-

For myself I'm finding that just my negative thoughts or what if thinking gets me started into all out worry.....the old challenging your thoughts

idea. If something in my mind overwhelms me I can start to think the worst. (I'm now starting to replace those thoughts with "What if some-

thing really good happens instead") I'm finding that I often enjoy the moment I was originally dreading and something good usually comes

out of it!!!! If I will only let it!

I hope you find your answer!

Birdie

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Good to hear from you again Jaci .

I was abit like you in January . Thats when i first started geting my panic attacks back . For love no money i couldnt understand why they returned . I guess i just didnt see the warning signs and they just built up . So when i am over them i will be taking much more care to keep myself relaxed hahahaha easy to say .

Its great news that you had at least one day of not crying , build on that . One day it will be two days and so on . Till it will be weeks . We all have a saftey person as well , and i personally feel guilty for relying on my husband . But over the last few weeks i am dealing with much more on my own , and if i can then believe me anyone can .

With what you have gone through i think you are doing mavellously well . :)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 28

Thanks so much everyone!! Days are getting better, like we all said they would. I can usually trace back the anxiety to a specific situation that cause it. This time, I don't seem to be able to.

How am I going to learn to deal with my anxiety if I can't figure out what set it off this time?

I know my mom loves me and would never consider me a burden. I just kept thinking this time I'm the last thing she needs to be worried about. I should be there to take care of her now that my dad is gone, but I wasn't even strong enough to take care of myself.

But I am getting better. Managed to succeed on one of my goals in chapter 4. Went a whole day without crying for "no reason". Have been out a couple times, but always with my mom. Haven't ventured very far without her except work.

I know things will get better, they always do!!! But Michael you were right, it's always nice to have this safety blanket. A group of people who completely understand what it is we are all going through.

Next time (God forbid there is one!!!) I'll come to the website earlier. You are all so wonderful at seeing what I just can't.

THANKS!!!!!!!!!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 41

Jaci

I am truly sorry for your loss and cannot imagine what you are feeling just now.

I too let things slide when life is well and the anxiety is soft. Perhaps that is why I am still on session 4 (exposure) and will probably remain on it for a while.

Subconsciously I must say well things are good now, so why awaken the 'ucky' feelings unnecessarily? Perhaps it is just human nature to just get on with it and deal with it when you need to.

This site for me is a safety blanket of sorts. I know it is always here and I can access it whenever and despite how much time passes I am still welcome here and know that there are so many wonderful people who post here and truly understand what it is we all suffer from. Just knowing there is a safe place is sometimes enough for me.

Take care of yourself and post often...or not!

Michael

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Hey Miki

I'm glad to hear you're seeing the light... The first 1/2 of the battle is the hardest.. like the climb uphill.. so girl.. it's all downhill from here on in.. You've done the work.. faced the fear and now it's time to incorporate it into your daily life..and soon all those good days will be outnumbering the "icky" ones.

Talk soon :)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Hi Jaci

A magic pill would be SWEET... but one can only dream..

I completely relate to you... When I feel great and all is going well I stop working on anything remotely related to my Panic disorder or OCD... I think that's pretty normal though as life when it's good - it's good and we want to enjoy those moments when we can. When I am in the midst of my anxiety / ocd I too fear that "this will be my life FOREVER" and I find that terrifying.. BUT I do constantly remind myself that that has been proven wrong over and over as I've had years panic / ocd free.. I experience normal everday anxiety and I am a bit obsessive / type A when I'm happy but don't we all have a few quirks?? That's what makes me so lovable and unique *wink*.. ha!

Depression and anxiety are linked on so many levels. I think one often precedes the other... I myself have been quite fortunate and don't battle the blues very often... For me it has always been anxiety. I've had a few "brief" glimpses into it and I didn't like it at all... I give you a lot of credit for maintaining such a positive outlook and for continuing your journey onward.

I have the privilege of being a mom to two amazing little ones Jaci.. and I don't think a mom would ever find their child a burden. She loves you Jaci.. you are and always will be a part of her heart and soul. She only wants to protect and heal you and at times that may show as frustration for being unable to do so. (My hubby feels like that at times and I know he loves me more than life itself...) Us moms are so protective of our babies no matter how young or old they are... so don't carry that with you. Accept what she has to offer and don't EVER think otherwise. It's part of your anxiety playing with you.. making you feel that way. It plays on our weaknesses ... and you're stronger than it so just hang in there. Your fear too will subside but you know that... it's just that when you're in the moment.. it feels like forever. I just went through a setback and I had to dig pretty deep this time to admit I needed help again.. and maybe it's time too for you...

We are all hear to listen..but maybe it's time for a helping hand closer to home :)

Take care Jaci!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

I wish there was a magic wand or pill so that it will go away in an instant too. But after three months of torture, I feel like I am finally seeing the better. It's a really sad fact but it seems to me that I had to embrace and tackle and get to know this anxiety with all this time. But even though I'm still only half way, I don't feel like the time was really wasted.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 28

Thanks everyone for your condolensces and sympathies. I just figured if I made it through that without any major breakdowns, I was well on my way to really dealing with this issue.

Guess I was wrong!!! I have no idea what set it off this time. And if it was just a panic "attack" that last seconds, cause we all know they feel like forever I might be able to deal a bit better. But the attack just brings on depression for me.

One minute I'm fine, the next I can't stop crying. And I make myself physically sick. My fear isn't of dying, it's of living with this.

And I'm also one of those ones when everything is going good, I tend to forget I have a panic disorder. So I don't do the work on the site or the exposure therapy. But even though I'm a marshmallow during the day when I can't get out of bed, or make it to the shower or eat anything and keep it down, I am still going to work. I work shift work, and when this happens I just ask for night shifts so I don't have to see anyone.

So I give myself credit for making it to work when I can't seem to do anything else. I just feel when I get into this "funk" I become such a burden on my mother. And after losing my dad, I really don't think she needs this. I just don't know what else to do. I am so scared of everything that I'm afraid to be alone.

I've been through this enough times to know that it always ends and the days do get better. I know I won't die from an attack. I know it won't last forever. I just want someone to create that "magic" pill that makes it all better NOW!!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Jaci, Welcome back and know that we are here for you and by sharing you have instigated a flood gate of support! It is a good idea to re-do the program and start from the beginning. It can help you focus and reaffirm your goals. As you can see that members are amazing, so read through the thread and begin, we are right with you. Do continue to work with your doctor regarding medications as they can assist you. Our sincerest sympathies on your loss,
Josie, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Lol. Miki..

I think what you wrote was beautiful.. Imagining the picture and then it being there one day.. Very nice..

I have never really had depression (thankfully) and have always had a fairly positive outlook.. although it has been challenged during the worst of times with my panic disorder / ocd.

I appreciate you sharing your stories and insight.. I keep learning from all of you and it has been very helpful to me..

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