grapeseed @ Apr 24, 2021 7:50:31 PM

[...] I also find when I am not drinking it is much easier to be positives. [...]

Yes thats how I felt for first few days but as days go by the old mind started to play tricks on me. Usually it starts with some acute internal dialog. My spouse is not treating me right, the job is not fulfilling, life is not fair... you can add infinitum. And then then it lured me to that space where it knows we will feel good and that is alcohol. There again it will start of saying, you can just have a couple. It will take you to a package store and buy those 20 oz tall neck beer bottles. And thats it. The mind and body wants more once you put that in your body. I would make several trips back and forth for more booze.

Thank goodness, for the fellowship of AA and the book AA, I was able to come to a realization that I am alcoholic and that my mind is the worst one. And that working the 12 steps of AA helped me overcome the desire to drink and gave me confidence that I can lead a normal life without any mind altering substance.

Good luck with your journey.

Hi everyone.

I wish I read all of your advice these last few weeks. My lap top broke and I haven't been able to check the website. I was still dealing with work stress and then my girlfriend wanted to drink a few nights. I can't blame her. I need to have better control. I am back on the wagon now.

Lynn, aside from walking I like playing video games and card games. I also do some strength training three times a week. What do you do to relieve stress?

Gus, I replied to you in another thread..thanks for your advice. Drinking does make work stress worse. I have had a bad month. That is for sure. I wish I had been checking this site. I know it would have helped.

John, thanks a lot for your advice. You are right I really get too wrapped up in the work stress. I need to focus more on what I am grateful for. I have a lot to be grateful for and I do feel better when I make a point to focus on the positives. I also find when I am not drinking it is much easier to be positives. I can really get into a depressed funk when drinking or a few data after drinking.

How is everyone doing??

Foxman, I’m reading the big book again. It took everything I had the last few days - I basically slept, ate and planned my weekend so I was always with someone in my family who knows that I can’t drink. Last week was difficult- began family therapy. I know it is needed but it was much harder than I thought. The therapist was trying not to be judgmental, I could see that but the shame was overwhelming. I’m not the same person when I drink. I’m a good father, husband and son most of the time but what kind of man drinks when he knows he will lose control and hurt his family? I’ve never intentionally done this but I have caused much anxiety and instability I’m our home, I can’t understand how they have forgiven me sometimes, I don’t deserve it, but I am thankful. They will never have to be embarrassed or afraid again. I won’t allow myself to be in any situation that might tempt me again,.

J

Yes thoughts are fleeting however if it gets obsessive, we get into trouble. When we let our emotions overwhelm us, the mind goes through the subtle blank spot and leads us to what it knows best, oblivion. Thats why the rest of the 12 steps are very important. It helps us stay on top of it.

I had a good week John, thanks for asking.

Cravings are OK. There’s nothing wrong with a craving. I found in the past when I “worried” about cravings, and then one came, I found it difficult. Now that I recognize them, i say to myself “it’s ok, it’s gonna pass” it’s alot easier. I know they are gonna pass, and more importantly, I know nothing bad is gonna happen. It’s just a feeling. I also have feelings of hunger and thirst and tiredness, etc. Nothing bad happens with those either. I just try and chill out and let it ride itself out. It always passes.

I can’t afford to forget about what drinking has done to me in the past. I have to remain vigilant. And I have to remind myself of how bad it can get for me.

i love the stability in our lives when I don’t drink. Everything is so must more peaceful. And I try and gravitate toward people around me who don’t drink as well. They all lead great lives without alcohol.

Have a great week John!

Talk later

Gus

Johnontheslopes @ Mar 29, 2021 8:57:33 PM

Gus, thanks for asking! I’m doing ok. I’ve had some cravings this week, or thoughts about drinking again but I’m happy to say that I didn’t take that first drink and the cravings did pass. How have you been this week? I heard something very interesting this week. Don’t be afraid of cravings, my sponsor said, it’s a good reminder that you need to remain vigilant. The moment you forget is the very moment it can sneak up on you.” Ive never thought of it like that before but it’s helpful I think. What do you think? Last time I quit, I would panic when I thought of it, but now I’ve learned to really be honest with myself, identify the feeling and let it pass. How do you manage drinking thinking? My wife will use that on me now and then as a joke. Thinking drinking? Think again. I would be angry about that last year but I find it a little funny now, maybe because she’s way more fun and not angry when im sober. I’m really liking the stability of my life these days. Hope you are too!

Lynn, I hear you on change. It has been a big obstacle for me, to think of myself as a guy who just doesn’t drink. I’m starting to like myself as a non drinker though. A few dads in my neighborhood don’t drink at all because of their religious beliefs and I’m happy to have met them. I spend more time around them now and I can see that they have a very full life without drinking. I don’t have to be fake around them or lie to keep them happy. This is such a positive change for me. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.

John

Gus, thanks for asking! I’m doing ok. I’ve had some cravings this week, or thoughts about drinking again but I’m happy to say that I didn’t take that first drink and the cravings did pass. How have you been this week? I heard something very interesting this week. Don’t be afraid of cravings, my sponsor said, it’s a good reminder that you need to remain vigilant. The moment you forget is the very moment it can sneak up on you.” Ive never thought of it like that before but it’s helpful I think. What do you think? Last time I quit, I would panic when I thought of it, but now I’ve learned to really be honest with myself, identify the feeling and let it pass. How do you manage drinking thinking? My wife will use that on me now and then as a joke. Thinking drinking? Think again. I would be angry about that last year but I find it a little funny now, maybe because she’s way more fun and not angry when im sober. I’m really liking the stability of my life these days. Hope you are too!

Lynn, I hear you on change. It has been a big obstacle for me, to think of myself as a guy who just doesn’t drink. I’m starting to like myself as a non drinker though. A few dads in my neighborhood don’t drink at all because of their religious beliefs and I’m happy to have met them. I spend more time around them now and I can see that they have a very full life without drinking. I don’t have to be fake around them or lie to keep them happy. This is such a positive change for me. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.

John

Hey John,

How was your weekend? And how is the week going for you? Hope your having a good week!

Gus

Have you had thoughts about changing something in your life?  You want to but the words, “I’ve never” make their way into your thoughts.  Self-doubt keeps us from trying new things.   Why don’t we like trying new things, especially when the old way is not working out for us?  Every day we learn new things.  No two days are the same.  We change.  Why are we so uncomfortable with change?  

I don’t know the answer to those questions.  I do know that I am a habitual person.  This works to my advantage sometimes, but it can be a disadvantage too.  I’m going to make it a priority to not let “never happened before” stop me from trying new things.  One of my favorite quotes by Sir Edmund Hillary is perfect for this thought:

It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.

Happy Friday everyone!

Lynn

Grapeseed, Gus

I hear you on work stress. It has gotten the better of me on many occasions. In the past, I really haven’t handled any stress very well. Booze was my go to therapy. One thing I can give some advice on since my sober mindset has changed me is this. Work is only one part of your life, important but not important enough to let it hurt your future or your family. I wouldn’t say I’m an overly religious person but I can say that since I’ve started focusing on being thankful every day, I focus less on less important things. I think about what my priorities are and how much time I’m giving to those things, in action and thought. I’ve struggled with saying no to my work mates and other friends too when I feel pressure from them. I’ve learned that I can’t make everyone happy and I know what’s most important to me. The choices I make now are with that in mind. We can all rise above alcohol. It’s in our past.

Another day sober!

John

Hey grapeseed

work stress was a big trigger for me as well. I had maybe the worst drinking experience of my life due to work stress. In hindsight, rather than helping the situation, my drinking made it WAY worse. I now know that if I have major stresses, I need to run away from alcohol as quickly and as far as possible. That’s the very last thing I need to do when stressed.

Hope you have a good week and I hope things get better for you at work.

Gus

grapeseed @ Mar 22, 2021 8:29:27 PM

Hi everyone

I am doing ok. I am still not drinking. I am very proud of that. I am struggling because I am really hating my job right now. I am not sure if the alcohol was masking it or what. I took a few sick days when I was struggling with alcohol months ago and a few people seem to still be pissed about it. I dont think they realize how hard this addiction has been for me and how far I have come. I guess I have to put my head down and continue to do the good job I always do. I dont like feeling like an outsider sometimes.

Other than that things are good. I still feel envious too John. Especially now, when I could really use a beer to take the edge off. Like you said Lynn alcohol doesn't help with stress though. You are so right! I really need to remember that.

Well, the weather is nice out tonight. I am going for a walk with my girlfriend. I hope everyone is doing good.