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Just a thought

5 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

hors controle,

Thank you, I'm glad my words can bring you some inspiration. It sounds like you are making good plans for the future. The skiing club sounds fun! Keep your mind open to the new people you meet. After I stopped drinking I found friendship in people I would have never expected. Drinking clouds our minds in so many ways.

Feeling bad about the situation with your daughter is tough, but at least you recognize it now. A late apology is better than no apology. ;) I hope you've had a small victory today!

Lynn

5 years ago 0 +0 / -0 557

Hi Lynn,

You are so inspiring and I understand the value of making small victory, one at the time. One of my daughter challenged me to start an activity and get out of the house. She sent me different links and I have decided to join the cross country skiing club. Every Sunday, starting in January, I will take a bus with the club. (better not drink the night before...)

I also disapointed my other daughter. She was supposed to come and help me to move furniture around and I canceled her at 2 in the afternoon because I felt I had drank too much and did not want to face her. Made me feel so bad when she text me to apologize for getting mad at me when I called her. I am the on who should apologize, not her.

I will do as you suggest this week. Postpone drinking even for a few hours. Hopefully, I will be sober again before the Holidays starts.

Thank you for your insight

5 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

(The following is the end of the post I made below. I'm not sure what happened but when I posted, the whole post didn't appear.)

I am encouraging this during this time of year because if you can do it now, in this festive time of year, you can do it anytime. Accomplishments add up, they give you confidence. Accomplishments obtained at a time that even people that don’t drink a lot are drinking, should give you even more confidence. There is nothing magic about January 1. I stopped on August 3, 2015. Nothing magical about that day, it was just the day I decided I wanted to take back my life.

I wish everyone good luck as they go through this time in their lives. If there is no one in your life you feel comfortable talking to about this journey, or if you just want to vent, come here and post. There will probably be someone reading that understands exactly what you are experiencing.

5 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

A few days ago I made the post below about motivation and noticed there were a few hundred guests browsing. I’ve seen that many guests browsing before but for some reason the number caught my attention. I don’t think anyone just happens upon this site, so most likely the hundreds of guest browsing that day were here for a reason. For most, this is a holiday season and is festive. For many, this time of year is anything but festive.

The hundreds of guests browsing that day were most likely here to find answers. Maybe how to moderate their drinking, or to stop drinking altogether. Either way, they know they have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. If you’re like many, you have January 1 circled on their calendar as the day you’re going to start/stop _________. January 1 seems to be the magic day to start or stop just about anything. You want to go through this time of year and enjoy all the things this time has to offer. I get it, I did it.

Many times I circled January 1 as the day I would not drink again. It didn’t happen. Then I would circle February 1, and it wouldn’t happen. Every first day of the month would then get it’s first day circled and nothing would happen. There would always be something to come up-----a party, something sad, something to celebrate, a good day at work, a bad day at work. Always something.

Changing the part of your life that you feel gets you through the life you live is hard. For those with an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, I would think there is only a small number that decide not to drink, and bam, they don’t drink anymore. It’s a journey. If you’re one that will begin their journey of moderation or abstinence during this time of year, good for you. If you have that January 1 date circled, why not start with some small steps in the next few weeks.

If you are attending an event you know you will be drinking, make a small goal for the event. If you normally have a few drinks before arriving at an event, try going to the event without those drinks. Maybe not drink for an hour during the event. Maybe stop an hour before you leave. My point is to just do something that can give you confidence. While giving up alcohol for a short period of time in a night (or day) doesn’t sound like a big deal, many reading this probably understand how big of a deal it is.

5 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Thank you hors controle. Good to hear from you, I hope you are well.

Lynn

5 years ago 0 +0 / -0 557

Thank you for sharing this Lynn,

There is a lot of wisdom and reality in these words.

5 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

I found the post below on a fitness website, but I thought it applied here too. There's a lot of truth in these words.

The question isn’t whether or not you’ll stay motivated.
.
You won’t.
.
Not because you don’t want to.
.
But because it’s impossible to stay motivated for anything (regardless of how much you want it).
.
In the same way it’s unrealistic to expect to be happy all day, every day...it’s equally unrealistic to expect to be motivated all day, every day.
.
Motivation is a feeling.
.
An emotion.
.
The more you search for it and try to find it hiding in unsuspecting places...the more it will evade you.
.
You might have moments in which you think you finally trapped it.
.
But just like trapping water in your cupped hands...motivation will slip between the cracks in your fingers until, once again, your hands are empty.
.
The question isn’t whether or not you’ll stay motivated.
.
The question is whether or not you’ll do what you say you want to do regardless of whether or not you’re motivated.
.
That’s not a feeling or emotion.
.
That’s your word.
.
Your truth.
.
Your honesty.
.
Your bond.
.
You will not stay forever motivated to do everything you want.
.
None of us will.
.
But the difference between those who succeed and those who don’t lies in who is willing to hold up their end of the bargain...
.
Who is willing to make the decision...
.
Who is willing to do what is right rather than what is easy...
.
Who is willing to make the harder decision that will make you proud rather than the easier decision that will make you comfortable.
.
The question isn’t whether or not you’ll stay motivated.
.
You won’t.
.
So stop looking for motivation.
.
Start asking yourself if you’re ready to commit to doing what you say you want to do regardless of whether or not you’re motivated.
.
Because when you can truthfully agree to doing that...in that moment you will start succeeding far beyond your wildest dreams.

5 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Another message that I saw and wanted to share:

Confidence comes naturally with success but success comes only in those who are confident.

5 years ago 0 +0 / -0 557

Thank you both,

It is hard. Even tough I keep repeating myself that I was feeling so much better during that 2 months of sobriety, which is true.

5 years ago 0 +0 / -0 348

Ashley,

Thank you! I’ve been thinking of your thought since it was posted, and for me it’s true. The pain of regret is tough, I feel it often. Fortunately for me my drinking days did not cost me any real loses other than time. I really don’t remember the specifics of how I felt during my transition to becoming alcohol free. I know I had rough times and I remember wondering if it was possible for me to be alcohol free. But nothing that is thought about now. What I do think about is all the time that I wasted, doing what I thought I loved. The pain of change is nothing compared to the pain of regret.

Knowing that we should change, or need to change, doesn’t make it easier. Change is hard. We want to change but we don’t want to go through the process to change. Or at least that is the way I was, which is why I never could go very long without drinking before stopping for good. I wanted to be a non-drinker, but I wanted to drink. In the end, choices had to be made and change did not happen until those choices were truly embraced.

hors,

Only you know when it’s time. As Ashley said, we are all here rooting for you!

Lynn

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