EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Managing Drinking
Dealing with Urges
December Blues

Advanced Search Form

December Blues

a year ago +1 +1 / -0 11212

Bump!

An interesting discussion on the holiday blues and managing cravings.

Whether you are completely abstaining or moderating or just thinking about getting started, we are here to support you. Please take moment to share your thoughts!

Ashley

Here to help :)

7 years ago +1 +1 / -0 1562

I could do so without possibly offending the sensibilities of anyone who has deep religious convictions that may be reading this.

Why are you concerned about offending others?

Going back to your original post, when you bought the bottle of whiskey were you in state of mind where you consciously decided to buy? Meaning thought through the whole consequences? What I am trying to illustrate is the subtle insanity around that first drink. Afterwards you felt bad and poured the rest, why wasn't that thought process help you in the first place and take a sane decision not to buy in the first place?

A woman in the meeting said yesterday about accidentally getting drunk. She came to the realization that at times her mind told her its ok to take a couple.

About recruitment tactics, tell me my friend, do you know how AA operates? Members contribute a few dollars and there are no positions to serve. Totally a different structure. So, by recruiting you, I don't get anything.

7 years ago +1 +1 / -0 54

So, these criteria presume to include those of a non-religious persuasion by interpreting the requirement to give oneself to a greater power in our case as consisting of finding and tapping an inner resource... Forgive me but I do feel that is what I'm working at, just not via the AA 12-step approach.

The AA position of 'oh yes, the program applies to you too, just interpret it this way' comes across as recruiting b.s. to me. (Of course, well intended b.s. if the aim honestly is just to help with a drinking problem without any religious indoctrination agenda - but in practise, well, we know how people who deeply believe in something often just can't let it be that others don't share their view...). Admitting powerlessness and giving oneself to a greater power for strength and guidance is kind of pointless unless that power is external and exists in a form that is somehow cognizant of the fact that one has done so, ie: a god. If giving myself up to the sun, the moon, or 'The Force' does give me answers then I've got a whole other illness.

Are there forces at work in the universe we do not yet understand, and likely never will? Absolutely! Does such a force (or forces) exist in a form that is aware and mindful of, and responsive to, my tiny little existence? Anything's possible, but that's where some of us are more skeptical than others. I hope you don't mind, but I'll have to politely decline to pursue a discussion on this subject any further as I don't feel I could do so without possibly offending the sensibilities of anyone who has deep religious convictions that may be reading this.

7 years ago +1 +1 / -0 1562

the 12-step program is clearly a faith based thing, and that isn't a good fit for me, so I need to find my way otherwise.

I watched one of the interviews with Neil Tyson on God where he talks about those scientist in 18, 19, 20th centuries even though proved lot of stuff because of the limitations they contributed to GOD those that they can't prove. I am not saying I got all the answers, I can share only my experience. I never had a concept of a higher power until I came into the rooms of AA. What this process has done is, allowed me to elevate my awareness, consciousness. Many label that as GOD. Read the Appendix at the back of the book on Spiritual Awakening/Experience. It talks about attitude shift.

He finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life; that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. What often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self discipline. With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.
Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves the essence of spiritual experience/awakening. Our more religious members call it "God-consciousness."

We think we still have time. Unfortunately, whether you like it or not, this is the fact, we have been playing a dangerous game. We cannot scare people into recovery. But, just can share there is life without alcohol and lead a decent life.

In the US there is a BAR Rescue reality television show. You can view them Youtube too. You will see how the guy helps Bars come out of bankruptcy, Bad Analogy but bear with me. You will see how this guy analyzes what is dysfunctional the way they run the Bar. Brings in new cooks, waiters, changes the menu, add a dance floor. And when they open the Bar the business thrives. Money comes in.

Thats how i see the process works. For me I had to first admit (the business has gone bankrupt) that I can't handle alcohol, then start re-organizing (drop the resentments, fear, other character defects) then I start experiencing this awareness. I dont get restless irritable and discontented.

7 years ago +1 +1 / -0 54

No worries, I was sure that birthday party story contained a typo of some sort when I read it.

Am I like Fred the accountant? I know you are drawing on a lot of experience but I'd like to think there are some differences with my current situation... Fred was trying to do it primarily on willpower, from the story. I am not, repeat not, trying to willpower my way to sobriety. Quite the opposite. I already know that relying primarily on willpower doesn't work and is an exercise in self-torment. Been there, done that. I believe willpower can come in handy at times as a tool to help get through the rough spots but is not an effective foundation to long term sobriety. (I can speak from personal experience there at least.) I am working to adjust my outlook and remove the desire and interest in drinking, rather than willing myself to abstain. That doesn't happen overnight though. For you the way to accomplish it is through the 12-step program, and that's great if it works for you. Spin it any way you like though, the 12-step program is clearly a faith based thing, and that isn't a good fit for me, so I need to find my way otherwise.

Am I moving at all in the right direction? I do think so... though there may be a splash or rough spot here and there, rebounding from them promptly rather than sinking backwards into despair has become much easier over the past 6 months. December for me is loaded with triggers though and I suppose this month has had all the semblance of a slide backwards... While I have consumed more alcohol than in previous months, it's still a lot less than in previous Decembers. I prefer to see it as a long-ish rough spot rather than a failure. One that I am now looking forward to rebounding from (sometimes a little optimism helps, you know).

I'm not panicking, but I am grateful to you all for listening, and for your input and support. It helps a lot.

7 years ago +1 +1 / -0 1562

Oops, it comes of as though i was drinking wildly at the party. I meant to say there were several people drinking recklessly. The guy I 12 stepped the next day now thinks it was just one night thing. It will not happen again. He has had long periods of sobriety before.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I didn't do that by struggling every day to complete a month sober either - it happened largely as a result of starting to re-focus my outlook on life around the time I signed up here - with just a bit of willpower thrown in on occasion to shoo away any temptations.

Your case reminds me of the story in the book, Fred the accountant. Who believes he could use his will power to stay away from alcohol rest of the life. He did for a few months but then, on a very great day, the story goes, "Not a cloud on the Horizon", thinks he could handle a couple. The rest is all history. He hits the blank spot.

I was at a birthday party couple Saturdays ago, drinking really wildly, we had to force him to eat. I saw him go back to the whiskey bottle several times. The next day he agreed to meet me in the evening. He was nursing a big hangover. When I initiated the dialog of being powerless, he would accept that, because he had been sober for 1 1/2 years. I asked him why did he start? This Thanksgiving his brother-in-law offered booze and without any hesitation, he took it. And has been drinking regularly. I see all the traits of a problem drinker but I can't make him realize that. Only he can. I met him at another gather and he updated me that he had just drank 1 time after that and was proud to be in control.

I only reminded me of this statement:

All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.

About what you said about powerlessness. Yes, thats what I meant. If you are an alcoholic, you will come up with an excuse to drink and keep drinking.

For me, I know for sure, I have to continue doing what I am doing. Meditation, watching for me character defects so that I dont get swayed by daily grind and being of maximum help to fellow humen. My sobriety is contingent upon me keeping in fit spiritual condition.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Hi foxman, glad to hear from you!

I think "something lacking in our life" and "tricked into believing that alcohol will fix it" pretty much nail it in my case. And this is something to think about in the future when the allure of alcohol presents itself - what void is it that I'm thinking alcohol will fill? What better ways of filling that void can I find?

As for having no choice, well there is a matter of perception there... does making the right choice / finding the solution elsewhere more of the time than before count for nothing? Over the course of the past several months there have been some accomplishments. For example, while not obsessing over counting the # of days sober, my records do show one particular stint of 31 days without a drink (guess what - a full month? never even came close to that in the previous 40 yrs). I didn't do that by struggling every day to complete a month sober either - it happened largely as a result of starting to re-focus my outlook on life around the time I signed up here - with just a bit of willpower thrown in on occasion to shoo away any temptations. December has for a long time been the most depressing and stressful month of the year for me though - I need to work harder on my outlook to fight that.

Please understand that I have the utmost respect for you, for all you have accomplished and for all the help you offer myself and the other members here. Even if we don't fully agree on every detail I do find helpful messages within your responses (refer to 1st paragraph of this post). For some of us though, powerless means hopeless. If I am truly powerless then I will drink, all the time. Honestly no offense intended, but I just can't accept that for myself.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Julie and Ashley, thanks so much for your words of support. Opening up is always therapeutic; actually having people listen and take the time to respond doubly so.

Ashley, to answer your question... that I went to buy the scotch one day then decided to poor it out the next was a sharp reminder to me that I am still in the midst of a struggle. I cannot get complacent and kid myself that I've "got this". Far from it.

I know many may feel I am setting myself up for these kinds of episodes just by allowing any alcohol consumption at all on the odd occasion. I don't dispute that. For many complete abstinence is the only path to recovery, and it's quite possible that is the path I will eventually need to follow. From another perspective however, the approach I have been trying to use (abstinence *most* of the time) has gotten me much further down the road to sobriety than I've been since I started drinking four decades ago, in my mid-teens (I tried to quit outright a few times and never got far). There are risks of course - in December *most* of the time has become *half* the time, and that's not good enough.

I can always make excuses - that's easy. For instance, where I work they have been mercilessly cutting headcounts and offshoring jobs now year after year after year, to the point where all the 'good' excuses for letting someone go are long gone and they are now resorting to utterly delusional and destructive criteria for adding someone to ''the next list"... There are few of us left. It's an environment where if you don't fit in (and the people there largely like to drink) or are perceived to have some weakness you're as good as gone. I've been regarded and rated as a superior performer and valuable asset my whole career. But perception is a fickle thing. Should the impression start to circulate that I have a drinking problem (an impression which ironically would result from being seen abstaining rather than from being seen blitzed) people would start to second-guess whether I really am doing my job as well as was previously assumed - and that golden excuse to put someone on the list would be a Christmas present to a middle manager under the gun to decide who gets cut next.

I'm not ready to retire yet, but I am so looking forward to it. I just need to make sure I am still alive and healthy to enjoy it when I get there, and find ways to keep a glass half full (ok, of apple juice) outlook in the meantime.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Life is good, the problems are under control and I finally have some vacation time - wouldn't it be glamorous to start that out with a bottle of scotch...

See how the mind tricks into believing that to be happy and joyous we need booze. If life is good and all problems are under control and you are in vacation, the mind still sees something lacking in our life. Thats the un-manageability. We can't be at ease at this moment. We have become some dependent on something external. Hope you see that. And ask yourself why are you being tricked into believing that alcohol will fix it. Or do you even have a choice? You hear many people share that their choice of drug is such and such.....Is it really true? if they do have a choice would they actually pick up that, that has beaten to the corner time and again. Yet they keep doing it again and again. They have lost the power of choice in their addiction.

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

December Blues