I've been here before. An old hand at it. This time I have to make it stick. I don't know if I can survive another recovery like this one.
I am 53 years old, and I have been a steady drinker all of my adult life. I was drinking every chance I could get in my teens, too.
I quit, cold turkey, in 2008. I knew that my marriage was in trouble, so I did it. I managed to stay sober for most of a year, but the damage was done. When I discovered that my ex was cheating, I fell. hard.
I quit for three months last year. I was doing well, but more catastrophe happened. My mom died, my beloved cat died, and I lost my job of twenty-three years. I was in deep financial trouble. Yet I started drinking again. Nightly.
I have made at least a dozen half-hearted attempts at sobriety over the past few decade, but I always fell again.
Now I am three weeks into sobriety. I am feeling better, but still not out of the woods. I spent a lot of decades drunk and it takes time to get over that.
Most of my friends are drinkers and pot smokers. I am done with all of that stuff. I feel like this is my last chance.
So I read a lot. I am in a fairly intense exercise program at a local gym. I am in a new job and it's a good one. I can't mess this up.
I am not the kind of drunk who gets in fights, gets DUIs, loses jobs. But I drank every night, and I have isolated myself from the world.
I look back on the stages of drinking in my life. Way back when it was a lot of fun. Then, the drinking alone and every night. From there it went to hell. Moral and physical sickness. Deep depression. Anxiety. Fear. Millions of tears.
The worst of the withdrawals are past, I am sure. Now comes the really hard part. Staying sober.
Thanks for listening.
Mark
