EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Managing Drinking
Dealing with Urges
Honesty

Advanced Search Form

Honesty

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

We all fake it to make it from time to time but if you are kidding yourself....that's the real problem. I have kidded myself...I know who I am and what I am capable of....I'm inky kidding myself if I'm pretending to be something I'm nit.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

there are times i'm faking myself. It's only make my situation worst, it's not getting me nowhere.

I truly agree to Ashley about overcoming the denial is the first step fighting addiction.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Great point Nodrama,

Denial (lying to yourself) often accompanies substance abuse. Only when we are able to overcome the denial can be begin fighting the addiction. So I guess a good question is how do you overcome denial? How do you learn to be honest with yourself when the addiction is pulling you to lie to yourself? How did you do it?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi Dave and A77734!

I too have trouble with be criticism. Not as much now as when I was drinking. It's funny how much calmer I am and easy going---things don't make me jump to be defensive. I still hate to be picked apart but, I can take it better. And I am able to look at where it might be coming from.

Dave, I am realizing how much dynamics of relationships change when one stops drinking. There was a point last month when my husband said to me---you are acting so different...what's going on with you. I said, without hesitation, "i'm not drunk. I'm sorry but, if I'm not working off a drunk brain then I'm a lot sharper." He jumped back at me with " no, no I'd rather have you this way!". LOL. I see what you are saying though about things changing. I'm much closer with my older kids now than I have been in the last 6 months. They are coming to me and wanting to spend time with just me....I think that might be hurtful to my husband. It's nothing against him at all. I think they are just so glad to have their mom back.

Surrounding ourselves with "yes" men/women. I get that totally! I do that too!! Funny Dave I never thought of it like that. But, as I said honesty is a hard thing. Especially when we have lived our life as a fraud so to speak. Hiding things from everyone we are around. The only way to keep up the drinking is to hide it because no one that doesn't do it would understand it. So, we hide from everyone and lie to ourselves that we have to do it. It's a cycle. A dance if you will.

I do find myself having a little trouble being touched by anyone these days. I'm not talking about intimacy just being touched in general. I don't understand that because I've always been a touchy person. But, it's almost like a personal space thing. Anyone else experienced that? I really hate that because it feels hateful to me to feel that way.

Honesty means different things though....honesty with folks that drink and try to lure you in...honesty with your mate so they understand it's not them it's you! Honesty with your job....Can I do this and not drink? I was thinking on the way to work today---Wow, I am pretty crazy! Then I thought....so are a lot of people I'm just my kind of crazy. But I did smile at the thought. Honestly.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

Great topic. Learning to be honest with ourselves and others is a big area that needs work on when we're recovering from a drinking problem. Being able to openly communicate requires a lot of trust and, in many cases, that includes being able to openly communicate our needs. All too often we suppress those needs and it leaves us with a feeling of a loss of control or a feeling fear, at least for myself. Expressing oneself and ones needs honestly can be very difficult, especially when intimacy is concerned. Ever notice how we surround ourselves with people who support our internal belief system? This is probably one of the reasons why relationships become strained when someone is begins the process of recovery. Where do you think the dishonesty stems from ND? Definitely a topic that needs to be addressed and will be both similar and dissimilar for everyone.

All the best,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 48

Good for you.

It's good when we can openly communicate with people without feeling the need to have a drink during or after e.g. when feeling guilty or annoyed for something you said, sad/upset with something someone else has said. Personally, I'm not very good with criticism and this has led me to drink in the past. I'm trying to deal with it better these days and it's better being able to analyze with a clear head, even if that means the feelings are stronger.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

I put this under urges because I didn't know where to put it! I have had the best most honest discussions with my family individually and collectively over the past weekend. In the past and that means recent past, the frankness of this would have freaked me out and I might have drank. But I'm good....I think honesty shouldn't make us cringe and by that I mean honesty about our problems. Before this site I was not able to talk about it---drinking, drunkenness, general bad behavior. Now I'm ready, willing and able. The honesty with myself and others is great. I find we lie to ourselves the most. When we can see that and cut it out things change for the best. Just my thoughts....what are yours?

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

Honesty