Do you buy alcohol for the family? I always being asked to stop at the store and grab this or that. I remember how strange it was when I first walked in to buy it. Prior to that time I enjoyed going to the liquor store to buy it, mainly because I knew bloody well that I planned to get drunk. I guess I got used to it because I had to face it. When I stopped drinking I didn't clear my home out because everyone in my hour drinks. I needed to come to terms with it. Obviously there is something bothering you. I don't think your job helps much. It's no surprise what we're all capable of.....we liked to secretly get drunk. Simple as that. There is NOTHING cunning or baffling about alcohol! It has NO power unless YOU do something with it. What was your plan anyway? To have a drink? Well, if you are hiding it I doubt you would have stopped at one. What led up to you stopping by to pick it up? It may not be so obvious but you seem to have a fair bit of anticipatory stress about the holiday and such. The fact is, it's in the trash. Make sure it stays there. Good for you for making the right choice.
This is the peculiar mental twist that strikes us. If you look back, all you mind thought about was that relief you get by drinking a shot or two of that "colorless" liquid. Thats why we call it powerful, cunning and baffling. It lures us into taking that drink. The story of Bill W (the co-founder of AA) which is part of the big book is a fascinating one. He questions his sanity after he gets drunk, even after information he receives from the doctor about the state of the mind and body of our kind. He believed that knowledge and fear would keep him sober, yet he gets drunk.
Foxman, I am so sad about this....I was doing so well. I don't know what happened....it is almost like I have to sabotage myself....this is crazy...I cannot live like this never knowing if I might jump into the darkness....
There is nothing to be sorry about. This is the powerlessness we in AA talk about. The blind spot people run into. I am glad you regained consciousness and were able to put that in the bin instead of your body.
Today I went and bought a bottle of vodka. I haven't drank it but I think I'm planning on it! I don't want to be a relapser my family will be so upset..,. I cannot do it but I have it hidden in my purse. Any thoughts?
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