I have a young son and he's the main reason I am finally putting in a solid effort -- not exclusively to stop drinking -- but to figure out what is going wrong in my head to make me feel (automatically) that I am less worthy than others. I went through SO much pain watching my parents behave in ways they didn't even realize I could see. But, kids read between the lines. My son is forcing me to figure out why I didn't think I was worth changing so that I can make sure he avoids that same pain.
You said you're not confident about changing and i feel saying that is risking an easy out. You need to say that you're confident about changing, and even if you don't believe it, start trying to figure out WHY you should be confident. Because you are a father, because you are just as worth it as everyone else, because you are stronger than you think you are .... but you need to think about what might motivate you to start figuring that out. My hubby and i both drink too much, but I am the "problem drinker"; I am the one who takes it too far and has to deal with it alone. It's tough for sure, but stay connected here; keep talking. Besides alcohol, what makes you feel calm? What makes you happy? What do you want more of?
Hey Drew I also have a young daughter and she is probably the main reason that I finally realized I need help. My wife asked me after a night of heavy drinking if I wanted my daughter to see me like that when she was older and could understand. That question hit me pretty hard and has helped me stay motivated.
I can hear that you really want this.Keep reading and posting in the forums but also read through the program. Prepare your mind in whatever way you can. We will help you every step of the way.
Two easy but important questions for you....One a scale of 1 to 10 how motivated are you to make this change? Also, on a scale of 1 to 10 how confident are you that you can do this?
I would definitely agree with you that our situations sound very similar, and I can safely say we're not alone here because we all seem to come from a common roof. My wife still drinks, some times just a little too much. I can't control what other people do and I'm not expecting others to change on my behalf. I had to change for myself. And you know what? It's a really great process. Life will get a lot better but you need to cut out the alcohol, at least for a period of time. It sounds like there is a bit of stress in the house hold right now and alcohol has been a "go to" source for exercising some control over those stresses. If you look around you'll likely find you may be the architect of your own stress just by the style of language you use and some gaps in dealing with people. I'll be the first to raise my hand on that one. I didn't realize it before but it's plainly evident now. I agree with you on avoiding the excuses and delaying. All that does is give you permission to drink today. We can do ANYTHING tomorrow. You weaken your resolve by avoiding it and it only gets wore.
Keep posting Drew. Positive change will come if you focus on it. Glad you're here. Keep posting and shares your thoughts and ideas.
Thank u for responding. I felt our stories were similar and I gravitated to u for help. My goal is moderation however I fear my addictive personality won't allow that. Wife and I enjoy drinks together. She is in control. Me not at all.
She aske to get wine on my way home. U see my stepsons are going back to Ontario tomorrow where my wife is from. She gets anxious so I got it an know I'm probably going to have a glass and watch my rangers. I feel I'm failing. I really thank u for your support and know I can get it done. I know I need to stop making excuses and saying ill start tomorrow. Sorry. Drew
Welcome to the site. Your situation parallels mine very much. It's amazing how functional we can really be in spite of ourselves. If there were ever a profound reason to get this under control our kids are great reason (for ourselves as well). I found the drinking was really driving a wedge between myself and my kids and that was a prime motivator for me. I made a committed decision to stop and using this site was really a primary key to my success so far, along with a lot of self-exploration.
Do you have any goals or plans to either quit or try moderating? Moderation doesn't really mend itself to my personality type. It always ends in a progressive escalation to excess.
I will tell you, I find life so much more enjoyable not drinking and my kids appreciate the positive growth in our relationship.
If there is anything I can pass on to you in this process don't hesitate to ask. Great decision to get going on this!
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