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Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Avoiding the triggers is half the battle, isn't it? Not the whole battle, but it makes a huge difference... I do think it's very important to tell your good friends that you won't be drinking with them. It sounds like you have experience with long sober periods, so you must know there's no need to come right out and say "I'm an alcoholic, and I'm giving it up." There are quite a few websites with suggestions on creative (and non-confrontational) things you can tell the people who expect you to drink with them. If you google it, you'll find some ideas. This might even include sitting at the bar in a restaurant. Maybe tell the bartender the same thing, and then ask him/her if they know any really good nonalcoholic cocktails. Drinking alone is a whole 'nuther issue, because you can't fool yourself like that. I absolutely cannot have alcohol in the house at this point, or I will cave in during a weak moment, and then it's back to square one. Anyway, so far, so good.

Ten days and counting....

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Turquoise,

Hang in there. I can tell you from experience that it gets better, a lot better. I find my challenge right now that I'm working through is how I'm going to tell the friends around me that I've quit drinking. My neighbor drinks quite a bit, as do his immediate family and we're quite good friends. My other immediate friends also like to drink it up and it's all very social when we go away or get together. Add to that my business travel, which is often by myself and it's quite easy to go down to the bar rather than sit in my hotel room by myself. Can you say "trigger, trigger, trigger"........But the reality is that they might be triggers but those triggers are attached to a gun pointed at your head. I think if I explained it to them that way, they wouldn't bother me about it again because they would never do such a thing in a million years.

I have found the tools on this site to be very useful, particularly the assessment of my drinking frequency and the impact it has on your body. All I have to do is read that and it completely changes my view on the situation. I want to be healthy and take care of myself, not live a life of self-destructive addiction. Also the diary....as I read through my entries it reminds me of why I'm doing this.

Hang is there and stay focused. You're not alone in this journey.

Cheers

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Dave, that is amazing that you were able to give it up for several months! As a new sober alcoholic, I fear those "just one can't hurt" times in my future that I know will happen. Kathy, that is great that you are seeking medical help. At this point I feel that if I slip one more time -- given my strong resolution and the proof I now have for myself -- I will need medical help. I am seeing a therapist, and we aren't so much focusing on my alcoholism, as on my tendency to self-sabotage in many ways, including alcohol and food. Camiol, I haven't smoked a cigarette in several years, but I went through that cycle at least three times after I started in college. I would quit for years, then something would make me pick one up, and it would take several years for me to quit again. Even now, every once in awhile, it somehow seems appealing, but at least I haven't started THAT one again. I just hope I can do the same with wine....

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

I've been working with my therapist on bringing together the various "parts" in my brain. I don't mean the physiological parts, but the mental, chattering parts that drive me crazy sometimes. I've identified a lot of them. I have one that specializes in nurturing, one for analyzing, one for living a satisfying life, one with temper tantrums. The others include proud, scared, determined, rewarding, helpless, child, mother, sabotage, punishing. I am bewildered by how some of them can take over so completely sometimes, making the other parts completely irrelevant for awhile. When I drink, or binge on food (or cigarettes), it is often sabotage that darts out just long enough the punisher can take control. My therapist has me visualizing them as real people -- real versions of me at various ages and looks -- who live in my head. She has me bringing them together in "the conference room" to discuss how we can get along better. It sounds so silly, but it actually seems to be working.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Congratulations Turquoise! 8 days is a great achievement. I bet you feel so much better eh? I wish I could say the same. Yesterday I had no intention of drinking any alcohol, but my BFF came over and I had not seen her in a couple weeks. We each had two beer and that's it. Ok so I was able to stop at 2 but I wish I would have just offered her a drink and stuck to my club soda. Turquoise I feel that you are inspiring me to follow in your foot steps. I never did quit smoking when I said I would a few weeks ago, but last night I made that decision to finally stop again and this morning I put on the patch and look forward to being smoke free again. I hope I can kick this habit and move on to kicking the alcoholic demon in my life. I'm killing one addiction at a time. I loved being smoke free and still don't understand why I even started again, but I'm looking at it as a setback and I'm back on track again. My mind is made up like it was when I quit over a year and a half ago. I learned from this experience that even after quitting for so long, it's still so easy to fall right back into the habit without missing a beat. Awareness is key for me, and I hope when I make the decision to stop drinking, awareness will be what keeps me from slipping.

Keep up the great work Turquoise, I'm so proud of you. As always you're an inspiration to me and reading your posts always gives me a little push further to reaching my goal. Hugs.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Oh my gosh. Thank you everyone. I hope this works for those of us who finally feel ready to do it, and I also hope that this can help inspire those who are almost ready. I am still sober after 8 days, and somehow this time -- so far -- it hasn't been too much of a struggle. There is none of the 'should I or shouldn't I' argument going on. It's just 'no more.' In some ways, this time, it feels very liberating. Very different than my past year of "2 week challenges' where I was counting the days until I could let myself drink again.

Camiol, I went through a lot of anxiety and fear about giving up drinking through many years, especially during the past year. I think those struggles are helping me not have so much anxiety right now about never drinking again. I still have too much anxiety about falling back into the same old same old. I know myself and the alcoholic mind far too well to think I can count on this any longer than one day at a time, but right now -- at this particular moment -- I am at peace with where I am.

Camiol, that is fabulous about your job situation!! I'm sure that will help you in so many ways that you don't even know right now.

Oops, I gotta go. Kids looking over my shoulder. Back soon.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Turquoise,

I've come to the same conclusion as you and moderation doesn't work for me. I've made a decision to quit because moderation only works for so long for me. I quit completely from Jan. to end April this year and felt so much better. Then it starts off with moderation and then escalates over the course of 6 to 8 weeks until it's binge drinking. When I say binge drinking, I'm quite happy to do it by myself, or secretly anyway, like having "extra" drinks secretly while having a few beers with my wife or friends. But eventually, as it has over the last couple of weeks, my drinking drives itself into excess mode. So it's been a couple days and I'm starting to feel normal. It's easier to stop in the winter months because I can focus on working out but I find the summer more difficult. I've told my son and wife I'm quitting, which they think is a good idea, but they both like to drink and my wife will sit and have 4-5 beers while making dinner, while she gets nice and relaxed.

Anyway, it sounds like we're walking the same path. 2 days and counting....:) Best wishes on your journey.!

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Kathy123 I'm hoping that I can also reach out for help soon and FINALLY make the decision to be abstinent. I'm starting to really feel disgusted in myself and I'm angry that lately my alcohol consumption has been increasing slowly. I hate waking up in the morning and the first thing in my head is "you idiot, you drank again last night." I too have that awful fear of losing my so called best friend. How can this possibly be a best friend when it's such an evil demon that increasingly controls our lives? It angers me that this addiction is affecting my health, family and most of all my daughter. I wish you all the best today at the Behaviour clinic. I'm sure they will have helpful tools for you.

Turquoise, how are you doing? I miss you. I hope to see you here again very soon.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

Great job Turquoise! I too have tried moderation with times of success followed by failures. I have not been able to stop by myself yet, but I have an appointment on this Wednesday to meet with a doctor at Kaiser to see if maybe a medication detox will help and/or a psychologist to speak with regarding why I drink. I know that once I get over the initial "hump" I will be able to follow in your foot steps and feel so much better mentally and physically!

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Thank you Ashley.....I feel like a million pounds of dead weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am hoping that now I will cut back even more now that I don't have that constant sense of dread hanging over me.

I honestly don't know what I'm afraid of when I think about complete abstinence. I think some of it is what Turquoise said.....giving up a best friend. Another reason is that I enjoy it and I like having social drinks with friends. I can tell you that since I left work in March I don't feel the need to numb my anger anymore. I'd always race home and crack a bottle of wine to ease the frustrations of the day. Now I may sit and have two or three Caesars on the deck and just enjoy the peacefulness of my life. I can honestly say that it's been quite some time where I've allowed myself to drink to the point where I have a blackout period the next day. That feels good. Last night I did have about 6 drinks, but that was because I was celebrating the termination. Today I'm back to wanting to moderate again and thinking of something to buy with my severance that will make me happy. I'm thinking a new living room chair (the puppy chewed the one I have) and new kitchen appliances. I so want a new fridge and stove....French doors and a bottom freezer. I plan to shop this week!

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Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.