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11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 80

Hi Camiol,

Good to know that you can control yourself. I try to too. I've controlled myself not to go out to buy the brandy this afternoon, and now I have nothing for myself to night only a half bottle of wine. To be honest, I am not sure how I could go over it tonight. You know I am a heavy drinker for 2-3 years. I drink everynight!!!

I decided to cut back to wine first, no more brandy, and I hope I could totally quit soon. I am afraid of cold turkey that I may encounter once I stop totally and I don't want to take any medication. My plan is to cut down gradually.

July 1st is a new day for me. Brandy Free!! I have to make it and I have to make it!!

To all ladies here, thanks for your support!!

Black Pearl

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 36

Camiol, I am glad that you don't beat yourself up. Wine is a tough one, it seems so civilized on the surface and is for most people. My drinking has been out of control for a long time, more than half my life now. I have all the 'classics': DUI's, detox pysch holds, homeless stints, even a shunt in my head from a drinking related head injury years ago. I have burred half the people I used to drink with in the past few years.

I think I have always know that I had a problem with alcohol, probably even before I had my first drink; as the child of an alcoholic my worst fear was to grow up and turn into this. And yes, that is what I drank in one night-ish. I have a fond habit of drinking long past black out and dumping out whatever is left, so sometimes it is hard to know how much I drank and how much I poured out. I tried for so long to moderate my drinking, just one or two, but it is not a good gamble for me.

Its always easy to have a plan, its the sticking to it part that I have never been good at. That is always my question: what do you do when everything is a trigger. I am usually good at staying sober for a while 20 days 30 days, sometimes just a couple, but I get so bored. I work from home in a very isolating profession; after sitting alone for 72 hours I get lonely and like it or not alcohol is good company, in a domestic violence sort of way.

Turquoise, the habit is a tough one for me too (sheesh, what isn't). I keep trying to get myself really into tea, it's not the same but at least you get to collect pretty glasses and decanters and go to tastings. Congrats on two weeks sober! The 4th is a tough one, holidays always kind of feel pointless with out the 'celebaration', which I guess is part of why my mindset is so backwards.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Hi Ladies,

I finally told my closest drinking buddy (my husband) that I was very concerned about my own drinking and that I've won every online test I've taken to check if I'm really an alcoholic. Yeah, I'm really an alcoholic. He also drinks more than the conventional standard for "drinking responsibly", but he never seems to wake up hungover like I so often was doing. He is very supportive of my wanting to quit, but he is also very open to my trying to drink responsibly. I think that part of this is probably so he doesn't lose his best drinking buddy, and I totally can't blame him. For a long time we were able to enjoy wine without it being an issue for either of us, and I'm the one who gradually turned a glass into 2 glasses, then a bottle....

Like Camiol, I am undergoing a terrible inner struggle about what I want to do, because I so love to drink good wine. White wine is also the prettiest monster for me, but I love good red wines almost as much. I don't really have a problem with the idea of giving up hard liquor for the rest of my life. That was never my habit. Actually, just saying that is making me think hard about this. So much of it is the habit. Yes, the buzz is wonderful, but the habit is so strong. How do I replace the drinking habit with some other lovely, enjoyable habit? Nice idea, but I can't come up with any alternative that sounds nearly as appealing.

Tomorrow will be my 2-week mark for staying sober, which feels good, but I'm barely looking forward to an awesome Independence Day party next Wednesday, because of the thought of not being able to drink. Oops, gotta go.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Hi Monica....I'm done with beating myself up over having a drink, I was able to control myself last night and that's something I should be proud of I guess. Normally I don't have control. I get one drink in me and I can't stop. For the most part it's been wine that I lose control with, and I have learned I just can't drink it at all. Especially white wine. I'd drink enough that I'd black out and have a lot of blank spots in my memory the next day.

I know all about the excuses, I used them all the time when it came time to think about quitting smoking. I haven't smoked since January 22 of this year. There were no more excuses for me, I knew I needed to quit to hopefully save myself from all the horrible diseases that smoking causes. Now I need to either totally quit drinking or get to a point where I am confident enough in myself that I know I can have a few drinks on occasion and keep it to a minimum.

You said you drank two 18 packs and half a pint of liquor? Was that in one evening? Can you recall how your drinking got so out of control or when you realized that you had a problem with alcohol? How do you plan to stay sober for more than a couple days? Can you think of things to do that will help you stay busy and distract your thoughts of having a drink?

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 36

This is a great thread, thanks for the suggestion to read. You are so right in the 'quitting drinking over the summer' response. Right now it will be over the summer, then it will be 'the holidays are a terrible time to quit drinking' or 'you can't quit drinking right before your birthday' or whatever else comes up. I have used everyone of these and many more in my time. Loosing drinking buddy can feel like a death in the family.

Don't beat yourself up over having a few drinks last night. That was last night and regret and guilt have never helped anything. Good luck in the painting.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Turquoise you are so right about the purpose for this discussion. I just feel confused as to whether or not I should totally abstain or just get it under control. I know I absolutely don't want to drink so much like I did, but at the same time I need to be totally honest with myself and admit that Im not likely the type of person that can just have social drinks on occasion without it being a problem. It's still a terrible battle within myself to decide what I should do, what's best for me. I felt good not having any drinks last week, I felt like I had accomplished an amazing feat. Today I feel that I let myself down by drinking last night, even of I didnt get bombed. I'm not depressed thankfully, just a little disappointed.

You know, I never thought about why those people I'm close to, one in particular, would say I shouldn't quit drinking right now, but what you say rings very true. One person I know does not have a drinking problem, she rarely drinks, but she does like to have more during the summer. The other drinks heavily unfortunately and we speak all the time through email because we live in different cities. She is actually, well both are actually my cousins. The one that drinks heavily is my dearest cousin, we are the same age and have always been very close. I'm concerned for her and I'd like to say something to her but I don't know how. She, like me hardly drank most of her life. She got pretty bad into booze probably about 3-5 years ago from what I can tell. so usually every second night she's emailing me to say how many glasses of wine or how many beer she's had so far that night and that she's hammered. I love her to death and don't want to see her continue in this downward spiral. Ok enough of me talking about other people...back to me now...lol. I was going to say that you're right about why my cousin would say I shouldn't quit in the summer, she'd have to take a look at herself and she lose her long distance drinking buddy. I want to tell her that drinking is a problem for me and I've hinted at in the past, but I don't know how to tell her.

Well I'm off to FINALLY paint my new bathroom, I just took a break to check in here after getting the ceiling painted. I hate painting ceilings. I'll check in again later. And thank you so much for telling me that I did nothing wrong last night. Hearing it from someone who is doing so great at abstaining made me feel so much better.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Hi Vincenza....I think we ladies are so fortunate to have found each other on here. I feel like I've gained several new best friends who are all aiming for the same goal. We've developed a wonderful support group for each other and it feels great. I'd love to someday meet all of them. As for my urges, any weekend is when my urge to drink is stronger than during the week. I think it's all about not having to go to work and just letting loose and enjoying myself. I was able to keepit index control last night, whether or not I can do it again remains to be,seen should I choose to have another drink.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Black Pearl, I just realized that in my rush to get off the computer before my kids saw what I was doing, I forgot to include your name in my last post. You have been helping me, and your struggle is so valid and difficult and important! I am proud of you for cutting back so that you can drink responsibly. It is so difficult. Hang in there -- we are all here for each other.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Goodmorning members,

Great discussion. Whether your goal is to cut back or abstain from drinking, continue taking it one day at a time. I'm glad to see the support have for one another - it's inspiring.

How do you plan to spend your long weekend? Do you find your cravings are stronger over holidays and during the summer season? How have you or how do you plan to cope?

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Hope and Camiol, we all have to remember that the point of this discussion (and this site) is not about abstaining. It's about not being drunk. It's about making our lives better by not letting alcohol control us. Camiol, there is nothing wrong with what you did. If our conversation can keep you drinking responsibly, in a way that you feel good about even afterward, then you are doing beautifully! IMHO, you can keep up the count from where you started a week ago, as long as you drink responsibly. Being sober is not the magic concept. Not being drunk IS. So congratulate yourself! You have now gone a week (right?) without drinking too much! I have just as much respect (and awe and amazement) for people who do that.

Part of the reason I am here and not at AA meetings, is that ultimatums rarely work. Life isn't about all or nothing, good or bad, black or white. Absolutely everything in life rides the spectrum through a million shades of gray. Having said that, I'm not sure I can do the responsible drinking, because I've tried it so many times. Of course, I've never had the support of a group like this. Maybe I could. Maybe I'll try. Ashley says that responsible drinking means ten drinks or less per week, and two drinks or less per day. In my mind, that's almost the same as abstaining - lol. But good for you. I'll hold on to that thought if I get to a point where I decide to drink. It's about drinking responsibly!

I've also had many experiences of people who undermine my efforts. What they are really doing, Camiol, is trying to validate their own drinking. It's not that they are consciously trying to make you fail, but they feel threatened by you. If you don't drink, then they feel like you are judging them for drinking, or they feel guilty about their drinking. If you DO drink (especially after telling them your goals) then it somehow makes their drinking okay. Not that it makes it any easier on you.

Anyway, gotta go. Kids are up and looking over my shoulder. Good luck to both of you today.

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