I made it two weeks!!! And I lost three pounds! I've been eating a lot, so it's purely from the lost alcohol calories. I haven't gone two weeks dry in a LOOOONG time, and I can't believe it, but it does seem to be getting easier. Afternoons & evenings are never a breeze, but I am feeling so incredibly much better in the mornings. I made it through two days of dry "vacation" - only ten more to go. This morning I'm feeling like I just might be able to get through my upcoming party without drinking. I've decided I'm going to take a gallon of margarita mixer, and drink it without the tequila. That way, only a couple of people will even know I'm not drinking. I also found a very funny online article about a guy who stopped drinking but continued to "act" drunk when he got around his drinking friends, because that way he can be as silly and stupid as they are, without the hangover. http://hellobubs.com/post/17052863136. I'm way too old to do that kind of partying, but it made me laugh.
I have always been a carb fiend (one reason why alcohol and I have such a love-hate relationship) and I have found that if I can stick to really high-fiber carbs, it fills me up and satisfies that urge without quite the damage. This sounds silly, but one of my favorite snack/junk foods is something I got out of a book. You melt chocolate chips (or white chocolate, or peanut butter chips), then mix it with a super-high-fiber breakfast cereal (the kind that looks like kitty food) called Fiber One, and throw in a handful of chopped pecans. Once it's all cooled down, it makes a great impulse snack food, because you can eat until you feel sick, and it's actually pretty healthy even though it tastes like candy. My other eat-until-I'm-stuffed food is roasted peanuts, because they are fairly cheep, and high in protein.
I am definitely going to reward myself with something today. I don't know what - maybe a pedicure? I'm feeling very strong this morning, and I'm starting to feel like I can do this. Right now I feel like if I have a single drink, my progress will start to unravel, so I'm back in the "I need to abstain forever" mindset. In a very perverse way, it helps that I've failed so many times with the controlled drinking, because part of me knows that I will always fail if I try that.
It is getting easier -- at least the physical part. Now I just have to focus on replacing the "habits" with different ones.