I've been battling alcohol issues for years. Lately really getting out of control. Blackouts, etc. I have issues going back to my childhood that have never been resolved. May never be. Not comfortable in "talk" therapy as I have trust issues. Consider myself an atheist, so the "god" concept in AA shuts me out (yeah, I know, I know, it could be a tree...BS!) In a committed relationship 16 years. How it's stayed together, I don't know. Must be love.
If I don't get my act together, I'll be dead soon. I feel my body revolting. My organs hurt. Tomorrow I see my GP for blood work. I am a diabetic and my glucose has gone unmanaged for too long. I try so damn hard to do the right things for my health, but easily get discouraged when results don't come through quickly enough. Depressed and angry, I go to the pub and get to be someone else and drink.
On a better note, I stopped smoking (again) on 12/31/2009. For that I get a pat on the back.
Didn't drink from 4/30 to 5/12. Almost 2 weeks clean! Then I blew it.
I need to be as anonymous as possible because, as I said, I have severe trust issues. I didn't drink Friday (hurting all day), Saturday, and doubtful I will today. Feeling weird, but acknowledge that I DO need help. So any suggestions?
