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Can anyone help me change my mind?

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Can anyone help me change my mind?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 118

Hi Wren

I thought I would just check the forums before going to bed and saw you had logged on. How have you been today? I hope you have felt the strength to continue this struggle? I have really had to stay strong tonight..the bewitching hour came and I wanted desperately to fill the glass and had convinced myself I could have just one drink. I was almost climbing the walls wanting one! My daughter phoned and I told her how much I wanted a drink and she asked me not to have one. The reality is I knew that I would not just have had one drink..it would have been the usual and I would have been back to the crap guilty feeling and awful hangover. I have really had to prise myself away but somehow I got there so I am now going to my bed and try to relax from the awful tension and feeling of desperation! I do not know what I would do without this site at the moment and I hope you are feeling the same. Good luck to you and everyone who is going through this with us. Oh and how many more pages have you read???? Sorry for the ramblings..Gee this is a tough night but I am NOT NOT NOT going to drink!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

Smiffy,

Thank you for raising these important questions.

Members, how have you been managing and what has been making it hard for you?

Sarah, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 118

Hey Wren

Thanks for the message..I so appreciated it. I am still hanging in there how about you? I posted earlier under topic Staying Positive...which I havent been the last couple of days. I understand where you are coming from when you ask when does it get easier! I felt so much better when I saw the post from Big John. Maybe we just have to accept and be greatful for succeeding up to this moment and not worry about later. I was so so down and nearly gave in but have survived another day. I do hope you are coping too.. how did you manage to get to seven weeks a couple of months ago and what made you relapse? At least you proved to yourself you can give up. Be proud of yourself and keep trying this time. Hope the reading is coming along? Good luck!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 65

Smiffy,

Where'd you go? Are you still hanging in?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

"But if you have to remind yourself everyday not to drink, you're thinking about it everyday."

- You may be right to some point but in doing that I am doing what I was taught in AA. I remind myself everyday first thing that I am an alcoholic and ask for help to get through the day.

"I have been able to not drink for 7 weeks, but through that whole time period, I was thinking about the "next time" I drink. I can think about not drinking for some finite time period, but if I think about quitting forever, it seems completely improbable.

This is the reason for quitting one day at a time. Focus on the day not the week,month, year. 1 day is manageable and thinking in absolutes is discouraged by by peers and I choose to follow that advice as I believe it is sound as thinking in terms of forever can be overwhelming.

"Part of me wants to quit forever and part of me never wants to quit."

That's not surprising nor anything out of the ordinary, and for all kinds of reasons. Fear is commonly a big one. And many of us think that life will be boring without drinking. I have found thats not true and now that I have discovered that alcohol was actually robbing me of fun and enjoyment the fear part of not drinking is gone in that respect. But that's my experience, and there is nothing I can say that will change you in wanting to stay quit. That needs to come from you. Have you thought of listing the reasons you want to and the reasons you don't this might help you understand and even make a decision?

Either way I admire you for taking this break to evaluate your life and trying to make some positive changes. I only quit after family intervened and gave me the shake I needed, you are doing this on your own for yourself and I respect that!

Good work and thanks for being so honest that is a key to helping yourself!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 65

Rick_h,

Thanks for explaining that to me better. But if you have to remind yourself everyday not to drink, you're thinking about it everyday. I have been able to not drink for 7 weeks, but through that whole time period, I was thinking about the "next time" I drink. I can think about not drinking for some finite time period, but if I think about quitting forever, it seems completely improbable. Part of me wants to quit forever and part of me never wants to quit.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Wren I think you misunderstood, I don't really struggle a lot - but I do have cravings there is a difference. 95-99 percent of the time I don't think about or miss it but once in a while I do get that voice that tells me that it'll be different this time.

What I find I need to do is to make a point of focusing on not drinking each day. What makes things more difficult is forgetting how bad the past was. That's where journals are especially handy because you can read how tough it was in the beginning. It does get easier, I can't say when it's really different for everyone, but even though it gets easier I must always be mindful that a life totally out of control is only 1 drink away from me.

Alcoholism is the disease that tells you that you don't have it.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Good question wren.

Members, does anyone have any insight regarding wren's question?!

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 65

Hi Karen, thanks. I have a list and I know the benefits exceed the costs by at least 20 to 1. Please forgive me for sounding whiney, but when does it get easier?? I quit drinking for almost 7 whole weeks a couple of months ago and OK, it got a tiny bit easier, but it was still pretty much a constant battle. Rick_h said he's been sober for 2 years and it's still a battle for him. At what point (how much time has to pass) before I'm going to think it's getting easier?

I have dozens of reasons for quitting. I am stupid to keep doing this day in and day out, and at the same time, I think my life won't even be worth living without it. I have been drinking since I was like 12 or 13, maybe this is hard because I've been doing it so long. I've never thought I was an alcoholic until recently, but now that I know more about it, I think I've been an alcoholic since I was maybe 15 or 16. So if I really have been an alcoholic for 35 years, is it going to be harder to quit than if I'd been an alcoholic for 20 years?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 65

Smiffy - you gotta be the sweetest person on this planet. Thanks for your encouraging words, I'm glad I checked back here before opening that bottle. I left work and stopped to pick up my daughter from her dance class, which ran overtime (a good diversion for a half hour). I cooked supper for the kids, went to the gym for a long, hard workout and took a shower. Sometimes that's enough to put the wretched desires to rest, but not tonight. I sit at a desk all day, and today I was climbing the walls...totally worthless.

Thanks for reminding me I need to be reading. Does it help? A little bit, because it's something I have to do. I am trying to get a doctorate degree in business so I can quit my job and teach college. Maybe I'm mistaken, but I'm hoping a college instructor averages no more than a 40 hour work week and doesn't get trouble calls on the weekends and holidays. That's the kind of job I want. I need to read at least 450 pages this weekend so maybe I'll get started for a couple of hours tonight and by then I won't want to drink (that's going to take a miracle).

Thanks Smiffy, take care and be strong(er than me).

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Can anyone help me change my mind?