My Dear Eya, I hate to think what lard might be doing in that part of your body or how it got there, but in only two days back, I have seen posts about making out, doing unspeakable things with collies, and God only knows WHAT else you whipper-snappers might have been up to in my absence (I just said whips, God help me).
And no, for your information, I never put apples in bongs (or anywhere else you may already have thought of). When I was young and lithe, bongs are what doorbells said. And even I never smoked a doorbell, with or without an apple in it.
As to how your -- er -- rear end got "stubbed out," I'm sure I don't want to know. (But you could always send me a private message with the details!! I am planning a party for the weekend, Lent notwithstanding, that will no doubt involve lard, apples, collies, and whatever salacious details you send along. There will not, however, be any smoking of any substance through any medium, including things that go bong -- or bonk -- in the night.)
Thanks!
peteg