thanks cabbage. sounds like you were very creative. i have negotiated the lowest dose with my team. i'm quite assertive with them, you have to be. way to go on your quit though, you're brilliant elaine [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/4/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 60 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,200 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �447.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 9 [B]Seconds:[/B] 5

Hi again Ellie, focussing on super dry class material can make a person want to put a fork in their eye sometimes. You're in a tight spot that's for sure...your team sounds like they're towing the mental health line in telling you to stay on the meds and to not stop smoking just yet. Sometimes I found it empowering to challenge my supports and ask 'why should I do as you say?' Doing this often brought me answers that I agreed with and at other times openned the door to negotiating. The negotiations sometimes brought me a decrease in meds, or a change in meds, or no change at all, but some really good coping ideas. I can't speak for years and years of university material, the stuff I was reading was waaaay simpler, and I have a terrible time concentrating - to this day. One night I darn near burned my books and quit school. It was the middle of the night and in my self absorption I called a friend to vent (whine and cry) She reminded me that in some classes for 'special' kids, the teacher will come up and out of the blue throw the books on the floor and the student would sit on the floor to read the material. She said that the sudden (and shocking) change of circumstance seemed to improve memory of the text. So once I had simmered myself down, I got creative with the books. I read in a hot bath....I read the page inverted in the mirror....I changed up the places where I studied....taking my books to a nearby coffee shop and sometimes to a restaraunt. At home I sometimes read aloud to myself or sang the page to myself. I also took it easy on myself - studying in 15 - 30 minute spurts, and then taking a bit of a break to goof off. When I told my class mates about my new study habits we totally had a huge belly laugh and I didn't feel like such a dolt. Again, what you're studying is way above the stuff I was dealing with, I just hope I brought a bit of a smile (or smirk or grin) to you. Getting back to the support team, they may have some suggestions for study helps and mind games to play with yourself to help you focus. plus you've quit smoking and that can affect concentration too, but this side effect of withdrawal is temporary and will pass. and so will you! You'll totally be a PH.D and I can hardly wait!!!! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]9/9/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 542 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 21,680 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10,840.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 50 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 28 [B]Seconds:[/B] 2

thanks cabbage. i'm afraid it's my meds that are keeping me from my phd, i can't concentrate on a page of text so I can't organize the material. my team say i'm just very sensitive to side effects and that other brands would be worse. perhaps there is some simpler training i could do, don't know. the meds are very disabling, lethargy apathy (and nothing to do with my career but also complete loss of interest in romance). yes my team also discouraged me from quitting, which i think is completely disgraceful. elaine [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/4/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 60 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,200 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �447.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 56 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

Hi Ellie, I also have psychiatric struggles and want to pass along to you that I understand that deep humilliation one feels once we 'come back to our senses' Recovering from the consequences of mental illness is often harder to do than to recover from the illness itself. I can see that you're well aware that recovery happens and is NOT a myth. I would like to encourage you to pursue your dream of a career in psychology regardless of your diagnosis. The mental health system needs more professionals who can understand what it's like to be on the recieving end of help. There are many professionals who are very successful in their careers, and also have a diagnosis. Probably the most famous is Pat Deegan, an activist and psychologist who also lives with schizophrenia. There are more, many more who don't go around giving speeches and getting all famous, and work in the trenches doing what they can to help. I have schizophrenia and am doing front line work (no big education here, just college and a few years of experience) and I not only am able to validate and normalize the heroes I help, but by listening to my clients tell me about themselves and what they're thinking about often brings about a revelation for me. I remember the deep shame of being sick and how hard I fought to reclaim a shred of dignity. As for smoking...well I was actually discouraged from quitting by my well meaning colleagues who cited research (or mythology more like it) that smoking improves cognitive funcioning of people with schizophrenia. ok, so I've gone on and on. I guess the long and the short of it is - please don't give up on your dreams because you struggle with an illness. You're illness may turn out to be a gift in the tapestry of humanity. As for the rewards...you bet, they're crucial! ok, so I've rambled on a LOT here. I wish you well *hugs* [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]9/9/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 542 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 21,680 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10,840.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 50 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 18 [B]Seconds:[/B] 3

hi patrick, i'm here now logged on to the IM elaine [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/4/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 59 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,180 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �439.55 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 59 [B]Seconds:[/B] 24

Elaine, Hi. I've been trying to catch you online so I could have a chat with you on the IM... I'll keep watching out for you.. Patrick [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/18/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 45 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,125 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $506.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 8 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 11 [B]Seconds:[/B] 55

i right in step with ya....i am manic, a bit and ADHD and so i can tell you my junkie loves to use the "you're so tragic", too ...keep fighting- you'll win . we need more "shrinks" with real life experience!!

thanks for the concern patrick x. i suffer more from manic episodes, my deep suicidal depressions are much rarer. my illness is very episodic, usually one episode a year, very manic, very disruptive of life, loves, homes, jobs, college courses. but my manias don't happen anymore they're controlled by meds and living with these meds is my disability. bipolar disabled me a couple of months a year, the meds disable me 24/7 365.i spent sometime at about site (is it ok to mention about?)but it wasn't really for me.until i can get a change of meds i'm in limbo. it's possible some of the meds we haven't yet tried might be easier on me, it's also possible i'll try them and they'll be worse or worst outcome i'll try a new drug, it'll fail and i'll be made homeless due to a disruptive episode. that's my life. i was doing a phd and had to leave because i couldn't concentrate on the work, side effect of the med, i was on different drugs doing my undergraduate very successfully.but my undergraduate career was interrupted by episodes so it wasn't advisable to return to that drug regime that didn't work in order to complete the phd. i'm devestated my career in psychology is over. one of the things that has gotten me back smoking in the past is thoughts like:your life is tragic, you've no future, you've no quality of life on the meds you may as well smoke (you'll commit suicide before the emphysema stes in) Should that sort of thinking start up again my answers are: smoking is the one bad thing about my life I CAN change;just cos i'm a mental patient doesn't mean i have to be excluded from the health gain from smoking cessation, smoking destroys my quality of life. i hate smoking. so i think i'm prepared for that particular unsubtle junkie ploy of my addicted mind. it is true that nicotine withdrawal can cause episodes of bipolar, any stressor can. i definitely am having a mood swing response, great days and freaky days..but i'm starting to really BELIEVE i'll never smoke again. up to now i've been afraid to believeit because of the power of the surprise attacks i've succumbed to in the past, but now i really think i have the tools to deal with anything it throws at me. key resource SCC of course. can it be true? am i quit forever? right this minute i believe i am elaine [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/4/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 58 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,160 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �432.10 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 18

Elaine, maybe you'd like to scan the DC site - or do you have a site already for your bipo? I have MDD and the site has helped me a lot over the last 6 months Patrick [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/18/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 44 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,100 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $495.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 8 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 3 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25

smellfree i have bipolar 1 if you want support, they say it's harder for us but from what i can gather it's not true, excellent quit, keep going elaine x [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/4/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 58 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,160 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �432.10 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 54 [B]Seconds:[/B] 48