I think as a non-smoker, I have become more "selfish" - and that's what might bug other people. But as far as I'm concerned, that's just too bad and it was way overdue. I have been a single parent for about 9 years now. Smoking really had become my ONLY "thing" in my life. How sad is that? The rest of my life was spent in putting everybody else first and in self-sacrifice. There was no time etc. left for me.
I don't begrudge ANY of that. especially when my kids were smaller, because there was nobody else to be there for them but me. It meant my life, the kind of things I used to like doing (exercise, swimming, time alone) all had to go because I had my daughters most of the time solo.
Well, my elder left home a few months back and it suddenly struck me, when the younger one leaves in just a very, very few years from now, if I kept on going like I was doing, I'd have NO life left by the time she left. I figured it was time to get some life back for me. And since I quit, it's as if the scales have been ripped away. I have reappeared. I buried myself, my needs, my feelings, my desires for YEARS. Patted them all down by lighting a cig.
No more. I'm starting to come back. The me that I used to be. And I LIKE it - and I'm not too fussed if nobody else does. I KNOW I've been a good mum and I know I've lived the past 10 years (more probably) always sacrificing for others. Now, I take a little time for ME, I put ME first in terms of time - and sometimes money, and it feels fanatstic.
I wonder how many others have done that? Sujugated their needs, their desires, who they are - by sucking on a cig. and avoiding the possibility that our needs might bug somebody else? I feel sorry for the woman I have spent the past years dulling myself down to be. She didn't deserve it. Well now, I chose LIFE.
S
PS - is there anubody else who like me, can deal with the stressful times of wanting a cig, it's the good times - you know, the "I'm celebrating with a nice relaxing glass of wine in my hand and wouldn't it be LOVELY to smoke as well" that I actually find harder???? lol
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/10/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 64
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,256
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] �384
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 6 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [