Wheezer:
Well you have got me thinking now. I don't think it quite necessary to return to our childhood to find the reasons for our addiction. Although given enough time, I would probably explore that just for the mental exercise. I am sure I would find a few short stories to write should I go clambering over the distant hills of my youth. But I believe that the why of the addiction, at least for me is closer at hand.
I was a self-medicator. I used cigarettes as a way of not having to feel things that I did not want to feel. Anger for one, is not an attractive emotion for me. But since I find myself living as a human being it is quite unavoidable. If I came upon a set of circumstances that made me angry, instead of stepping back from the situation and finding an appropriate response, I would simply pull out a pack and smoke my way out of the visceral reaction I might have otherwise had. Smoking had the effect of diminishing the impact of my emotional timbre, if you will.
Another example is feeling loss. You don't get to live on this planet for any great length of time without being forced to deal with loss through death, divorce or some other type of seperation. I used cigarettes for that too. Again, the act of smoking acted as a damper agaist the harsh realities of living in a temporal state.
In short I used cigarettes as a distraction and a way of softening the unavoidable thrusts, jabs and body blows of living. I was in effect choosing to destroy my body in an attempt to protect my soul (essential identity of self)... The realization that I finally came to is that there was no logic in that type of behaviour. I was an addict and still remain so today. The difference is that I got a hold of myself and began to train myself to alter my internal perception of external events. I began to realize (and this sounds really stupid) that smoking a cigarette had no effect on external events at all. Now ain't that major front page news.
It is for this reason that you will find people here who say that quitting smoking has been a process of rebirth. When we lay down the addiction we begin to meet ourselves for the first time in a very long time. And in so doing we begin to experience life in a different way. As with any new friendship, one must make adaptations in order to get along. As you quit you will begin to experience your inner way of being in a different way as well. You will adapt your feelings and responses to exist without the necessity of drowning your lungs with tar and smoke.
This is very hard to explain as much of this lives in the subjective world of the person quitting. But perhaps it will give you some ideas to start working through. Quitting is not simply the cessation of an act (not smoking). It is the gradual realization that you are a capeable, worthwhile individual who can live, love and prosper without resorting to protecting your shivering soul in a blanket of thin blue smoke.
Good luck on your journey. There are a lot of good people here who will help you through the difficult times.
nonic
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]12/25/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 402
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,060
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $4,221.00
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 75 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 10 [B]Seconds:[/B] 12
-
Quit Meter
$66,570.00
Amount Saved
-
Quit Meter
Days: 1373
Hours: 14
Minutes: 39
Seconds: 17
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
6340
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
190,200
Cigarettes Not Smoked
